Hellsing: American Visitors
by Professor Curly
Summary: Alucard receives a message from an old friend saying that he's coming over for a while. What odd mishaps could result from this meeting? Wait, Alucard has friends? FINISHED
1. Arrival

11Hellsing: American Company

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or any of that good stuff, just a few of the characters are mine. Course, if I did own Hellsing... But we won't go there.

The man was tall, but that was the second thing you noticed about him. The first you noticed the blood red coat, matching wide brimmed had, and yellow-red tinted sunglasses. His hair was long, stretching down his back, and was midnight black. He would have stuck out in his boots and black suit anyway, the crimson additions were just for flare.

This was Alucard, the lord of the undead. Or at least, everyone who knew him thought that. He was cryptic, but he hinted that there were others more powerful than he was.

Of course, he knew that any threat that came, he would destroy, utterly and completely. That was the pact he had made after all.

But he stood in his room, contemplating an envelope in his hands. The butler, Walter, had been shocked beyond belief when he saw it. On it was written the address of the Hellsing Mansion, and in simple black letters, one word. Alucard.

He opened the envelope, and slowly read the letter.

Hey Alucard, it's been a while. Look, I kinda blew my place to kingdom come, and you're the only one I know who'd actually be willing to let me crash for a while. I know this is short notice, but humor me. Put it simply, I need a place to stay, I'll be there on Wednesday, and if you have any objections, well... I'll just dig myself a little hole and bury myself for a while.

Luis Thomson

Alucard flipped the small note over, then read it again, not sure if it was serious. Wednesday... That was tomorrow. Hmmm, Integra wouldn't be happy...

Perfect.

_Seras-_

She was a little on the short side, blonde hair, and very attractive. She sighed as she watched new recruits run the training course, trying to sort out the riff-raff from possible soldiers of the Hellsing Organization.

_Seras-_

She snapped out of her thoughts at her master's call. Her red eyes instantly turned in the direction of the manor.

_Master? What is it?-_

_I think it's time you met another of our kind besides me-_

_But I have met another...-_

_Briefly. Your meeting with Helena really doesn't count. You never got to know her well.-_

_True. What are you thinking of Master?-_

_I don't know yet police girl-_

Seras cursed as the conversation ended. Responses like that always meant that Alucard did know, and had already planned something. She wished she could start the telepathic conversations, but she had been a true vampire only a little over a year. Her powers hadn't come to her. Yet.

"Hmmm, should I tell Master about this?" Alucard gave off his bone chilling, maniacal laugh, "No, it will be so much more fun this way!"

Two men walked down the street. One had a guitar case slung across his back, and was a little taller than his companion. His brown hair was cut short, and his clothing was simple and black. His shirt had a large METALLICA logo on the front. He looked down at the piece of paper in his hand.

His companion was wearing a denim jacket, blue jeans, and a white t-shirt. His accent was of someone from the Texas region of America. His hair was a little long, and brownish-blond.

Both were wearing sunglasses, though it was the wee-hours of the morning, to hide their blood red eyes.

"Lui, is this the place?" the shorter one asked, looking up at the mansion.

The one with the guitar shrugged, "I guess. It's the right address."

"I thought it would be, fancier. I mean, Alucard is arrogant and flashy right?"

"He is. Or, was."

"Well, it's big enough anyway. It seems to be crawling with humans though. Wonder why."

"Well, he did say something about being bound to this one human family. Hellsing? Ya that was it. Supposedly a big vampire slaying family."

"Darn right bro. They actually made it into the news a while back. And that's impressive for people who kill things that aren't supposed to exist."

"Good point bro."

They had been created by the same vampire, so they were 'brothers of the night', much like the famed Valentine Brothers. They had been pretty cool, besides the homicidal tendencies and the one's really weird looks and behavior...

"Hey Johnny, you did bring the gun I made you didn't you?" Lui asked, as the thought came to mind.

"I...No."

"Dang it dude, I put a lot of work into that thing for you! But fine, if you want to use a frickin' sword, go ahead. See if I care when you die."

Johnny fingered the hilt of his sword. It was a mix of styles, a rapier design with katana forging methods, making it very deadly. Especially with the enhanced silver alloy, which wasn't as effective as pure silver, was much stronger. It had served him well, and he was expert with it, even though it wasn't a weapon of his time.

Lui pestered him about it, but it was really just because he was bored. He knew that his brother could fight pretty much any opponent he wanted to and still win.

"So Lui, do we just stand here till sunrise?"

"Course not. But do you really just want to walk in?"

"What choice do we have?"

"That's on then Johnny, let's rock."

They phased through the front gate, and casually strolled toward the front door. Something, somewhere must have seen them, because in a matter of minutes they were surrounded by heavily armed soldiers, who were clearly trained for this sort of thing.

They weren't surprised, but they were getting a kick out the situation, "I told you we should have taken a left at that last street."

"Dang it man, do these guys just sit here and wait for two innocent tourists to walk by admiring the architecture?" Lui asked, looking at the large number of weapons pointed towards them.

"Fire!"

Bullets sped towards the two vampires, but there was a sudden rift in the wind, powerful enough to force all of the bullets strait down into the ground.

"Show off." Johnny muttered as he watched the whirlwind around them suck the bullets down.

The men looked at the vampires in awe. Had that really just happened?

Then suddenly Lui spotted a gorgeous blond on the roof of the building, looking down on them from the sights of a huge cannon.

"Hey Johnny, check her out."

The younger vampire whistled slowly, "She's hot man. Wonder if she's got anything planned later."

"I heard that! Eat harconan!"

The woman fired the cannon, sending a huge slug hurtling towards them. Lui had time to crack his neck, then get his body loose. As the shell approached, he actually reached out, cupped in his hands, and slung it around back at her.

Seras watched in slow-motion horror as her own shot rushed back at her. She closed her eyes, expecting the pain to hit, but it never did. She opened her eyes to see the cannon round inches from her forehead, still spinning.

Lui smirked, "A fellow vampire. Man, a woman that looks that good, uses that big a gun, and is a bloodsucker to boot? I'm in love."

Suddenly ten incredibly loud gun blast split the night, and large silver bullets hurtled towards Johnny. He quickly whipped out his sword, and twirled it quickly in a circle. The bullets were caught by the spinning blade, and instead of hitting the vampire merely stuck to the blade due to the sheer centrifugal force.

Lui blinked, then looked at his brother. When he saw what had just happened, he began to laugh, "You've been playing to much Devil May Cry man. When did you figure out you could stop bullets like that?"

"Are you kidding? I practiced for weeks to get this down after I saw it. I also learned this part."

In a quick motion, Johnny laid the bullets out in a line on the ground, then hit them with his sword back at the one who shot them.

They missed but a voice rang out in the darkness, "Luis, it's been to long."

The older vampire smiled, showing his fangs, "Alucard? Is that you, you crazy lunatic?"

Alucard appeared, chilling all of the men around him, "That was impressive. You've improved. Who is your friend? You made no mention of him in the letter."

Lui put a hand on Johnny's shoulder, and said with pride, "Surely you remember my little 'brother of night' Johnny."

"That's Johnny? That's incredible progress in such a short amount of time. But now we have more guests, and I welcome you both. Please, excuse the rude welcome."

"On the contrary, I think we appreciated the red carpet you guys rolled out." Johnny said, looking at the tall vampire lord, "So you're the famed No-Life king. You're going to have to tell me where you picked that one up. It took us months to figure out that it was you."

"Ah, my reputation precedes me it seems. Welcome to the Hellsing Estate my brothers. I'll have Walter prepare rooms for you."

Lui smiled, "So good ol' 'Angle of Death' is still around?"

"Indeed."

Suddenly a new, harsh voice that made even Alucard cringe rang out, "ALUCARD! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"

Lui smiled slowly, "I take it you didn't tell your master we were coming."

"Oh no, that would have been to easy."

The two laughed, and while Lui's wasn't as blatantly insane, you could tell the similarity was there.

Seras sighed and shouldered her cannon, "Great, now I have to deal with two more of them."

_You aren't the only one with good hearing cutie-_ Lui's voice said in her head.

Seras's eyebrow twitched. This was going to be an interesting stretch of time.


	2. Settling In

1Chapter Two: Settling In

The two American vampires sat in chairs outside of Master Hellsing's office. They tried to keep from laughing when they heard the shouting, but could only manage to keep it to small giggles.

Then a particularly profane series of insults ripped through the air. They had found the entire situation hilarious. Alucard was getting his butt throughly chewed for letting the two vampires come un-announced, as well as for letting them come at all. But that last string of words they wouldn't dare repeat sent them into complete hysterics.

Seras looked at them disdainfully. They both looked about her age, but she knew that both of them were older. But from the way they were acting you couldn't pick them apart in a crowd of normal teenagers. She smiled when she told them, "It'll be your turn next."

Lui glanced at her cooly, his eyes examining her. But she suddenly felt the hair stand on the back of her neck. There was a slight chill in the room, and she caught her breath quickening slightly. After a few moments, Lui told her, "Believe me, I've heard that before in so many different ways and in so many different languages it's beginning to lose it's threatening properties."

"Hey Lui, shut up, I can't hear what Alucard is saying."

It didn't matter much, because suddenly ten gunshots rang out, followed by the sound of something hitting the wall, and several profoundly insulting though not understandable phrases.

Not even Seras could help but giggling at this. Integra had actually shot Alucard! Not uncommon, but always a sign that she was truly angry, and not in the mood for any of Alucard's games. Which was unfortunate, because it was always about the time she got like that Alucard got the urge to play his games. Needless to say, he had been shot more times than Seras could count.

"NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

Alucard quickly phased through the wall, holding hand to his forehead, then lowering it to reveal a small bullet hole. It was healing, but it probably hurt like heck. He smirked when he got outside, "She wants to see you two now. Seras, go and observe."

She looked up, shocked, "What? Why?"

"Do not question an order Police Girl."

She sighed and replied, "Yes Master."

_Did she just call Alucard master?-_ Johnny asked Lui, shocked.

_Ya, she did.-_

_Hey, Alucard has got good tastes don't he?-_

_I can read thoughts idiots. Now I wouldn't continue that train of thought, and get into the office before I wipe those grins off your faces- _Seras told them, irritated.

_Yes ma'am, we exist only to obey the whims of beautiful ladies like you. What do you say we get together tomorrow night? Cuddle up under the full moon...- _Johnny asked, teasing her. He didn't expect a bullet to lodge itself in the back of his head. It didn't kill him, it would have taken a little more than that to finish him off, but it caused incredible pain.

Integra chuckled as the two vampires entered her office, one clutching the back of his head. They sat down in the chairs set out for them, then Seras entered, holstering her pistol.

Disregarding the guns, and the fact that only one of the people in the room was human, it looked incredibly like two trouble making students coming for punishment from the principal of the school. Indeed, the two looked the perfect part, as did Integra.

However, she pushed the thought from her mind. Then chuckled some more. Seras, who was normally a happy, get-along kind of person, had already shot one of them. Integra expected to be using all the ammo she had in the room on these two.

"So, you actually just walked up through the front gates, towards the front door, knowing full well where you were?"

The two nodded, considering the summary accurate.

Integra sighed and leaned back in her chair, making the pistol in her hand very evident, "You've got balls, I'll give you that."

Seras glared at them, saying, "You have no idea."

Both of them burst out laughing, desperately trying to control it, but failing. However, they stopped instantly when they heard Intergra's gun click into readiness.

"I'll let you work out whatever that comment was for later Seras. Now, I would like to know why you dared walk up the main path of the Hellsing Organization's headquarters.

Lui sighed, and Seras watched as it seemed that he aged a hundred years in a second. Nothing you could see, but she could sense it. And also, deep down in him there was something of Alucard to be found as well.

"Forgive our rather rude entrance Miss Hellsing. You see, during the long years of my existence I have tried to fight off my constant enemy of boredom in various ways. Pyrotechnics being one of the biggest."

Integra stared at him blankly. She understood all of the terminology, but she was as surprised as Seras at the sudden change in attitude.

Thinking she didn't understand, he clarified, "Basically, I like to blow stuff up. It's a hobby. Anyway, I ran into some problems a few days ago. When I put up ten foot high barbed wire fences, with more barbed wire in front, on top, a and behind it, plus bright yellow signs saying 'Danger, Keep Out' every ten feet, I expected people to keep out. Well, I was wrong, some idiots managed to sneak in. Make a long story short, I had to throw the explosives away to save them, and it managed to land right on our humble abode."

"Ya, you managed to level the place. With me in it I might add." Johnny said, earning a cold glare from his brother.

"Anyway, I was pretty desperate at that point. Our home is under reconstruction, but it will take a while. This time I made sure it would take a series of thermonuclear explosions to damage the place again, but that takes time to build. So, I looked for a place to stay, and decided I wanted to get out of America for a while. I sent a letter to Alucard, and thought that if it would be a problem someone would have contacted me."

Integra processed this. The story sounded impossible, but knowing vampires, this was one of the more likely things that could happen. She glanced at Seras, who was almost laughing at something, "So what do you think Seras?"

She turned to the master of her master, shrugging, "He's telling the truth as far as I can tell."

She glanced at the two brothers, who were staring bloody murder at each other. They were talking telepathically, she knew. And they were letting Seras listen in, and she was finding it quite interesting.

Integra cleared her throat, gaining the American vampire's attentions.

"I should order Alucard and Seras to kill you, but I think that would cause me greater headaches than I can afford right now. You can stay."

The two brothers glanced at each other, grinning.

"BUT, if I so much as here an explosion, gunshot, or rumor of anything or anyone going missing, I'll kill you both myself."

The grins disappeared quickly. They didn't need to read minds to tell she was very serious about that last threat. And they didn't doubt she could, and would, do it. They quickly got up, nodded their thanks, and left before she could change her mind.

Seras was about to follow, when Integra asked, "Seras?"

"Hmmm? What is it Sir Integra?"

"Do you think letting those two stay is a good idea?"

Shrugging, the blonde vampire told her, "I don't know..."

"Luis is an old friend Master. He will cause no trouble. Well, not too much trouble anyway."

Seras couldn't help the next remark from slipping, and she asked coldly,"You have friends Alucard?"

The young vampire clamped her mouth shut with her hand, not believing she had just said that. She expected anger to engulf her, and probably destroy her, but instead she heard laughter. Granted, it was Alucard's insane laugh, but it wasn't what she expected.

"Those two bring out the fire in you Seras. Defiance, and you even called me by name, wonderful. I think that I will enjoy these next few weeks."

Seras walked out of the office and down to the basement. She was surprised to see Lui standing there, as if waiting for her.

"What do you want?" She asked, expecting a smart response as soon as the words left her mouth.

"Hey, sorry about earlier. Me and Johnny didn't want to offend you or anything," He grinned, "We were just messing with you. You are very beautiful though."

Dumbstruck by this, the young vampire didn't know what to say. He seemed to switch personalities like switching gears on a car.

"Weren't expecting that were you? And no, I do not change personalities. I just know how to be myself in any particular situation. Just don't take me or my brother seriously. Feel free to get revenge though."

Seras felt a grin tug at the corners of her mouth, "Don't worry, I will."

"And don't expect me to act like this much." Lui told her, then reverting back to the American Teenager, "Cause it's so much more fun to be immature and wild. You don't really think 'Ice queen' Integra up there would throw us out do you?"

Seras broke out into laughter at the nickname. Oh, if the master of the Hellsing house heard that... "I wouldn't call her that. Yes, she would throw you out, but she would probably kill you first."

"Alright, a challenge. Lets see how much chaos I can instill before being shot in the head repeatedly by silver bullets!"

Seras had to laugh, "Out of curiosity, how old are you?"

"Let's just say I was made into a vampire back when we called you guys 'redcoats' and you called us 'rebels'".

Seras was stunned, "How do you manage to act so modern? Master can't even work the microwave..."

"Easy, I kept in the mainstream as much as possible. I was lucky to have been made when I was, because it was a time of new ideas and inventions, and I was naturally used to new things. So by keeping close to society, I just picked everything up I went along. Wait, Alucard can't use a microwave? How did he manage that?"

"It's a long story."

Seras chuckled as she thought of the brilliance behind her plan. She would exact her revenge on the American vampires one at a time, starting with Johnny, since he hadn't apologized yet, and was younger. It would start tonight, and it would be both cruel and unusual.

She gave a low laugh similar to one of Alucard's as she took the shaving cream and razor out of her pocket. Walter had hastily prepared a room for their guests in the basement, complete with the mechanical coffin. She snuck in, raised the lid of the coffin, and began her work.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

Lui, startled by the sudden noise immediately, albeit accidentally phased through the coffin. He rushed through the wall to his brother's room.

Alucard was there as well, also wondering what was the cause behind the loud disturbance.

And Johnny stood, in his jeans from the day before, breathing heavily and his body shaking in anger. Seras rushed into the room through the door, a mischievously satisfied smile on her face.

The vampires, except for Johnny, burst out laughing. Even Alucard, who actually had to hold his stomach.

The American's head was completely devoid of hair, including his eyebrows. He looked...

"HAHAHAHAHA! I never knew your head was so bumpy bro!"

"I'm glad there isn't much light, or we'd be blinded by the glare!" Alucard joked, joining Lui on another strong fit of laughing.

Johnny spotted the look on Seras's face, and solemnly pointed his finger, rage and hatred dripping from his voice, "You."

Seras stopped laughing, then got to her feet. Giving one last chuckle, she took off from the room.

"GET BACK HERE!"

The two older vampires laughed harder, then Lui managed to say, "Shall we watch Alucard? I think this won't end well for either of them."

"Lui, I wish we could get something to prove this happened."

Lui's face dawned with realization, then he quickly phased to his room and back, holding a fairly large item in his hand.

"What's that?"

"This, my technologically incompetent friend, is a digital video camera. It takes photographs to."

Alucard patted his friend on the should, "You are a genius. Come on, I don't want to miss another second of this!"

And so the two American visitors settled into the Hellsing Mansion. And Seras's reign of practical joke terror had begun. The war had begun.

Alright, chapter two is up! Can I get a ho-ha! Come on guys, please rate the fic, as I'm taking time out of my generally boring and unexciting life to write it!


	3. Revenge for Revenge

1Chapter Three: Revenge for Revenge (Does that even make sense?)

Integra wasn't happy. Why wasn't Integra happy? Integra wasn't happy because a certain pair of vampires had literally tore her home apart in their silly games.

Seras sat in one chair, looking satisfied albeit slightly disheveled. Her grin reminded Integra somewhat of Alucard's when he managed to really freak her out.

In the other chair sat Johnny, who Integra had to fight off laughter at. His, head, was, completely, bald. He was furious, and was ready to explode at any moment.

And unknown to any of them, camera in hand, stood Lui, capturing everything on tape.

"So let me get this strait... You started teasing Seras with your thoughts, which she heard. And then for payback she..." Integra didn't even try to keep from laughing, "...Completely, shaved your head. Is that about right?"

They nodded.

Integra sighed and rested her forehead on her hands. She was furious, but at the same time highly amused. Finally she told them, "Go, I don't have time for this. But be warned, if anything like this happens again, the consequences will be...painful."

Lui was disappointed. No Integra rage to be found. Then he remembered that Seras was supposed to come after him next. He grinned. This was going to be fun. And he was going to drag Alucard into it if it killed him!

"Muahahahaha..."

Alucard chuckled again as he remembered the bald vampire.

_That was cruel Seras. Funny, but cruel-_

_Hey, you can't expect someone to actually ask me to 'cuddle up under the full moon' and have me do nothing about it do you? I take that kind of thing personally-_

_Here's something you'll really love Police Girl-_

_What?-_

_Luis got the whole thing on... tape?- _Alucard told her, trying to place the last word.

_You mean he recorded the entire thing?-_

_The chase part anyway. I'm surprised Integra didn't do anything to you though-_

_I think she found it rather amusing-_

Seras crept around the basement silently. She was tired, considering it was noon. She figured Luis would be asleep by now. In fact, she was sure of it. She had decided to take it easy on Lui, since he did apologize. She was going to simply wake him up. She knew how much it irritated Alucard (She had done it to him several times upon various people's requests), and felt sure it would irritate Luiwell.

As she entered the room, the first thing she noticed was that besides the coffin, it was totally bare. That was odd. And another thing, the coffin wasn't even mechanical. It was an expensive looking, though funeral appropriate, full fledged coffin.

She smiled. That would make this easier in a way. She snuck over, and slid the lid open quietly.

"BOO!"

Seras screamed, jumping into the air, whirling. But before she could do anything she felt hands grab her and shove her, none to gently, into the coffin. The lid slid into place, and then she heard clicks as locks were locked into place.

Lui sat on the coffin, patting his hand on it, "Nice try Seras, but I'm not going to be that easy."

She pounded the inside of the coffin, which while cushioned and not all that uncomfortable, was cramped. And she felt very embarrassed for being tricked like that, "Let me out of here!"

Lui laughed as a sinister thought came to mind, "No Seras, I don't think so."

He picked up the coffin, and his video camera floated behind him, recording.

He walked up the basement stairs, into the dazzling sunlight. He squinted, then shrugged it off. Sunlight wouldn't kill him, but it wasn't comfortable either. He whistled while he walked to his destination, and Seras still struggled in the coffin.

Because the way he was carrying the coffin vertically over his shoulder, she was upside down!

Lui then heard a familiar voice behind him, "What on Earth?"

Lui turned, to see a very shocked butler. He wore a monocle, and everything from his clothes to his hair was proper and butlerish.

"Walter! It's been a while. I can't believe we haven't run into each other until now! Remember back in WWII?"

Walter nodded slowly, a grin crossing his face from those wild, youthful days. Then he shook his head, and asked, confusion spreading across his face, "Why are you carrying around your coffin?"

"Walter?" A muffled voice asked from inside the coffin, then more thumping noises as Seras made futile attempts to escape, "Walter, get me out of here!"

"Master Thomson, are you carrying Miss Victoria around in a coffin at twelve thirty in the afternoon?"

"Yep."

Walter sighed and removed his monocle, cleaning it with a piece of clothe, "Oh dear, I do believe I have seen everything now."

"Walter! Get me out of here!"

Lui shook the coffin once, just to provoke her more. Then he continued whistling 'Yankee Doodle' as he made his way to the laundry room.

When he got there, he set the washer to it's highest setting, and put the timer four an hour. He shook the coffin once more, "Are you comfortable in there Seras?" He asked teasingly.

"Why?" Came her irritated voice through the coffin.

"Cause it's going to be a bumpy ride!"

He set the coffin, lid down, on top the washing machine, then flipped it on. Immediately it started to vibrate, and would 'thump' with a jerk every few seconds. Lui got a piece of paper and a pen, wrote, 'do not enter' on it, then taped it to the outside of the door. He locked the door from the inside, closed it, and then walked over to Seras.

"I'll be back at sunset cutie."

He phased through the floor as her voice rose to a shrill screech, shouting profanities that no decent lady would ever say.

Lui watched as Alucard carefully approached the coffin. It was dead silent, and they didn't know whether or not that was a good sign or not.

He had convinced the no-life king to come with him and open the coffin, while he would video it. Alucard had agreed eagerly at first, but was suddenly beginning to have second thoughts. Then he pushed the thoughts away. Was he afraid of his own fledgling? No!

He carefully eased the coffin over, then undid the locks. Suddenly it burst open, and with roar that scared even Alucard, Seras dived onto her master, trying to maul him.

Was Alucard, the no-life king, afraid of his own fledgling? Yes, very.

He tried to phase away, but there was no escape as Seras threw him into the wall, then commenced pummeling him.

Lui giggled, and then Seras stopped, leaving her master's limp body, then slowly turning to Lui. When he saw the rage in her eyes, all could say was, "Oh, crap."

Integra nearly cried from laughter when she saw the two elder vampires walk into her office. They both looked extremely traumatized. Alucard's face was blank, distant. His normal insane grin was replaced by a look of dumbstruck horror.

Lui was worse. He was trembling, and would jump at non-existent noises. Both vampire's clothes were torn and ripped, and there were what looked like claw marks on their faces.

"Ok, what happened?"

Neither said a word, but when a more calm Seras entered they both yelped and phased from the room. Integra actually fell out of her seat from laughing so hard. She managed to say to Seras, who still looked incredibly mad, "You have single handedly scared the Hell out of Alucard, and his friend Lui. Tell me your secret Seras, please. I mean, you just drove two powerful Nosferatu from the room by just walking in."

"Get mad Sir Integra. Just get really, really mad."

"What did they do to you?"

Seras began to recount the tale, smiling when Integra had to leave the room to go and laugh it out somewhere else.

Alucard knocked on his fledgling's door, carefully asking, "Police Girl, are you sane again?"

Hephased through the door, to find Seras staring at him, "You actually, knocked, Alucard."

"You get mauled for no apparent reason and see how you feel. I'm going to get you for that Police Girl."

"Is that a threat?"

"Yes, it most certainly is."

Both knew that he could brake her in half if he wanted to. He had been extremely scared when she attacked him with all the strength and rage of a werewolf, but if had wanted to he could have killed her.

But both also knew he wouldn't do that. It would make things to boring for him.

"Then bring it on Alucard." then Seras glared at him, saying, "Now get out before I claw you apart. Again."


	4. Alucard Strikes Back

1Chapter Four: Alucard Strikes Back

The 'meeting' with Seras could have been the end of it. But Alucard had other ideas. Oh, he was going to make his fledgling pay for her little tantrum. But he had to abide by rules he had set for himself. Like, he couldn't physically set out to injure her. Not anything grave anyway. But he was going to make the name 'Alucard' feared once again in the Hellsing Manor.

Alucard wandered into the common room of the manor, and plopped down in front of the tv. He picked up what was called the 'remote', and tried to turn it on. But after a few minutes of vain attempts pressing random buttons, he just tossed the useless piece of junk away. He snapped his fingers, and the tv came on. He continued snapping his fingers, flipping through channel to channel.

Then he sighed and stopped. Looking around, he saw Walter ironing one of his master's suits. Then a light flickered on in the back of his head. He turned from Walter to the tv, then back to Walter. A grin slowly formed on his face. Then he began to laugh.

He got up and began to search out the things he would need. Walter heard the laugh, and looked at the tv. He shrugged, wondering what Alucard thought was so funny about surfing.

Seras felt better after attacking Lui. He was really more mad at her now than scared, but she didn't think he planned anything. She didn't plan anything either. Being vibrated and jerked in a rather small coffin while on top of a washing machine wasn't fun. And even after it stopped, she couldn't get in a position comfortable enough to sleep. She waited, her fury growing, until someone came and opened the coffin.

She wasn't really meaning to attack her master, he was just there. But she had freaked out both Alucard and Lui that for the next few nights they stayed as far away as possible. She found the fact satisfying.

As she walked by Sir Integra's office, she didn't notice Alucard behind her, holding an ironing board.

Until he grabbed her, set the ironing board down, threw her onto it, and aimed it down the stairs. With a triumphant laugh, he yelled, "Do you like surfing police girl?"

Then with a hard kick, he sent his fledgling screaming down the stairs on the ironing board. She was yelling incomprehensible sounds as she hurtled past the library and she had to throw her weight to the side to turn from hitting a wall.

Then she saw an open doorway approaching. With a small bump between it and the hall.

"Oh my-"

She never finished the sentence as she hit the bump, sending her and the ironing board flying into the kitchen, smashing into just about every breakable thing in the kitchen.

Lui stared in shock at the carnage through his camera. He had figured Alucard would exact his revenge, but he never thought he would come up with something this creative or this awesome. He had followed just behind Seras the entire way, and had caught every last shrieked profanity as she flew to her eventual crash.

Then realizing that she might be hurt, he ran into the kitchen, asking, "Seras? Are you ok?"

There was a huge pile of broken and cracked plates. And in the center of it sat a very confused Police Girl, "Where am I? Wait..."

Alucard desperately hoped Luis had got all of that. He had to admit, this was some of the most fun he'd had in centuries. As he laughed, an honest to God normal laugh, he was cut off by a voice from Sir Integra's office.

"ALUCARD!"

Alucard grudgingly followed Walter to the garden shed. He felt so cheated.

"What? All I did was put soap on the bottom of Walter's thing and give Seras a little push on it."

"You destroyed half of our kitchen you idiot! Some of our most precious china was destroyed by your little antic!"

Alucard prepared himself for pain when he saw his master draw her pistol, but then his master smiled sadistically, "Wait... Two can play this game Alucard."

The No-Life king didn't like the sound of that.

So he been ordered to do yard work. And first on today's list, mow the lawn. Alucard, the most feared vampire in probably the entire world, being degraded into a simple manual laborer.

"Now Alucard, pay attention."

Alucard stopped sulking, and looked at the monstrous hunk of metal Walter had his hand on, "Walter, what is this?"

"This is the Super Cutter Mx 3000."

"Ok. What is it?"

"The most powerful lawn mower available on open market. Now listen up, as this is a delicate piece of equipment. You turn this key here clockwise one half inch to start it. You control your speed with this lever, the wheel is the steering, and that pedal is your brake. You have to keep the blades at two inches above the ground, you control that with this lever. These are everything you would need to know about what is going on with the mower. Fuel gauge, if goes down to E you have to fill it up again, temperature, speed, blade speed, battery power, wind speed, range finder, stick detector-"

"Can I just burn the grass?"

"No Alucard, are you even listening to me?"

"Of course I'm listening. But a flame thrower would be so much faster."

"Sit Alucard. I'll be back to check on your progress later."

Alucard sat on the piece of junk, cursing his luck. Everyone else does something, then when he gets his turn he's the only one to get punished for it. Walter walked off, and Alucard turned the key, then after realizing it was the wrong way he cursed and started the mower. He immediately set it for as fast as it could go, turned everything on, and began racing from one end of the grounds to the other.

Seras and Lui watched, mutually satisfied. Lui was video taping it, even though nothing was happening, for no other reason than to hold it against Alucard later.

"I'm surprised how well he's doing actually. I remember when he convinced me to try and teach him how to drive..."

"How did that turn out?"

"They had to close off that street for three weeks so they could clear it of the mangled cars."

"Darn it. I don't drive that bad, and believe me, I drive pretty bad. He seems to be doing this rather well. Wait, he's stopped. I'm going in to see what's wrong."

Alucard stared at the machine. It had suddenly died, and he didn't know why. He got off, and kicked the side of it, to no avail. He then sat back down in the chair, then saw that the (Fuel Gauge?)thing was on the E. He need to fill it up again.

He went to the garage, and picked up a bright red container. It smelled about the same as what Walter had put in it. He took it and went back to the mower, and read the directions about how to refill it.

"Hmmm, unscrew cap. Place nozzle of fuel container into hole... Oh, I see where they're going with this!" He yelled, feeling proud that he had figured out how to do this without his fledgling's help and sarcastic comments. He poured in all the liquid from the container, threw it to the side, then screwed the cap back on.

Then he sat back down on it, and turned the key. Nothing happened. He turned it again, and still nothing happened. He turned the key a third time, kicking it as well, when a slow rumble issued from the engine.

"That doesn't sound like's it's supposed to happen." Alucard commented absently.

Then with a roar, flames shooting out the exhaust pipe, it shot forward at double the speed of before. Alucard, surprised, tried to hit the brake pedal, but he hit it too hard and it snapped off. The same thing happed with the speed control lever. He tried to turn, but found he had no control over it.

Lui watched in shocked delight as the mower, with an extremely panicked Alucard trying to control it, hurled strait for the Hellsing Manor. He immediately phased to follow him, and record what ever was going to happen.

Alucard watched in horror as the walls of the Manor grew closer, until only a few feet separated the insane lawnmower and the barrier.

Inside, Walter thought to himself, 'Maybe I should go and check on Alucard.'

Just then, the wall in front of the butler burst open, and he saw a blur of blue and red fly by. The roar was deafening, and one could hear panicked yells over it all.

Alucard tried to stop it, he really did. But there was no stopping it. The lawnmower had become a Juggernaut, and nothing could stop it. It went through walls, appliances, and very nearly people. Then much to Alucard's horror it started going upstairs. He made renewed efforts to keep the mower from causing any more damage, when suddenly his eyes grew wide. He new this wouldn't end well.

He crashed through the doors, and strait into Sir Integra's office. She barely had time to jump out of the way before Alucard and the mower crashed through her desk, then out her window.

Lui couldn't believe it as he watched from below as Alucard and the 'mower of doom' crashed through the window on the second floor.

Alucard took his chance and jumped off as he fell, landing on his hands and knees. He heard the thing start up again, and saw rumble begin to shift behind him. He instantly used his vampiric powers to set the pile on fire, and sighed in relief when the noise stopped.

Then with a mighty war cry the lawn mower, now on fire and seemingly really ticked off, lurched towards Alucard.

The vampire tried to turn and run, but his coat got caught by the mower, and it slowly began to drag him under. Seeing his options run out, Alucard did the only thing left he knew to do. He took out his pistols and poured blessed silver into the demonic machine.

Then finally, with a final scraping noise, it died. Alucard fell back in relief. He had killed it! He had won!

That was his last thought before the mower promptly exploded.

Hey guys, did you like that one?


	5. When you start the War

1Chapter Five: When You Start the War, Fight it with Arrows, Spears, and Swords?

Integra paced back and forth in front of the line of vampires. Now she was mad. Alucard had destroyed valuable documents, as well as an antique desk, not to mention all the damage caused in other parts of the Mansion. She knew in a deep, lost part of her mind it was partly her fault, but it didn't change her thinking.

"Alright Alucard, tell me your version of this." She asked, curious as to what he would say.

The mighty vampire lord had a satisfied, victorious look on his face. He had ever since he had blew the mower up. He explained to her, "The thing was possessed."

"Possessed." Integra repeated, earning a nod from her servant.

"It was possessed, and I defeated it."

Walter entered the main hall, looking extremely peeved. He was carrying an fuel container, "Possessed Alucard? I think not. You used this to refuel it didn't you?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Alucard, this is a concentrated form of gasoline. We use it in our armored vehicles. IT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN USED IN MY LAWN MOWER!"

Seras blinked. That must have been the first time she had heard Walter yell.

Alucard knew full well the lawn mower wasn't possessed. He knew his infamous bad luck with modern machines had kicked in. But he wasn't going to take criticism from Walter, "Shut up! It smelled the same! And it looked the same! How was I supposed to know there are two types of... 'Gasoline'?"

Walter was about to reply, but then stopped. Alucard had a point.

"Regardless, I have decided something." Integra said, starting to pace again, then pointing at the two American vampires, "You two started this problem. But Seras and Alucard, you two are as much to blame as them. Your little 'pranks' were funny the first time. The second time," Integra had to stifle a laugh as she remembered Alucard and Lui standing in her office, traumatized, "The second time doesn't count. But the little ironing board trip and now this? Now the humor has worn thin. I am now ordering that you all stay in the basement. Meals will be brought to you by Walter. If I so much as think that something is wrong, I execute all of you on the spot. Understood?"

The vampires nodded glumly.

"Well? GET DOWN TO THE BASEMENT!"

The vampires made their way downstairs, grumbling. Walter began to walk off as well, but Integra stopped him. He looked at her, "Sir Integra?"

"Walter, don't you have something to attend to?" She asked mischievously.

"What do you mean? Did I forget something Madam?"

"No, but you know. Don't you have some incredibly loud and annoying repairs to be done on the mansion."

Walter got it, then smiled as well. Bowing, he said, "I'll get right on it Madam."

"Oh, and Walter."

"Yes?"

"Drag it out, and don't give them a moments peace."

"Certainly Madam. I have just the thing in mind."

"I'll be back in a few days." Integra said, heading to her room to pack.

"Where will you be going Madam?"

"A hotel. Be sure that I can hear you from there Walter."

"As you wish Sir Integra. I have been waiting for this chance for a long time..."

Two days, and two nights. That's how long they had been down in the catacombs. And so far, none of them had slept at all.

Because Walter had conveniently started repairing the damage done by Alucard and his 'Lawnmower of Doom'. And he did it non-stop, round the clock. And seemed to never actually get anything done.

Lui sat on his coffin. The remainder of his personal affects had arrived the day before, and while he was grateful, they did little to keep his mind off the constant noise. He went over to his electric guitar, took it off the stand, and turned on his amps all the way up. He started playing a random song. However, not even this could drown out the noise.

There was a knock on the door. He walked over and opened it, to see a very tired Seras.

_Can I come in?-_

_Sure, I could use some company-_

They were using telepathy cause there was no possible way they were going to carry on a conversation over the racket above them.

Seras looked around. Lui's room had changed. He had speakers, a stereo, a small tv and a PS2. And a desk with several schematic drawings on it.

The older vampire began to play again, turning down the amps when he saw Seras's expression. She already had a headache, she didn't need a bigger one.

She sat down on a chair he had in the room, enjoying the song.

_That's really good. What's the name of the song?-_

_Thanks, but you wouldn't believe me if I told you the name-_

_Try me, I'm sure I've heard weirder things-_

_When you start the war, fight it with arrows, spears, and swords?-_

_What?-_

_That's the name of the song-_

_Are you sure?-_

_Ya. It's off some cartoon I think. But ya, that's the name. You even have to say it like that, it's a question-_

Seras sighed and leaned back in her chair as Walter gave a whole new meaning to the term noise above them. He seemed to get louder in response to Lui playing, making it so that even if he turned everything all the way up, you couldn't hear it. He looked angrily at the ceiling. He wasn't going to put up with much more of this. No, Walter was going to find out how he and Alucard felt when they let Seras out of the coffin.

Finally, as the noise seemed to reach climax, Lui stormed out the room, shoving his door open.

Down the hall Alucard did the same thing. Johnny followed soon after. Seras, mentally knowing what the others were thinking, told them all telepathically.

_Alright, I know Walter is a good guy, but this has got to stop!-_

Walter wasn't even looking at the machine anymore. He was simply letting it run. He didn't hear down the hall when the door to the basement was forced off it's hinges by four highly irritated vampires. He didn't notice as they stormed through the house towards him. In fact, he only noticed when Seras unplugged his current psychological, noise making weapon.

He turned, surprised, to see Johnny preparing himself to strike, "Oh, you are going to so get it now Alfred!"

The butler was suddenly struck by a classic American Left Hook, and fell to the floor, unconscious.

Integra stepped out of her car, and frowned. She heard no noise. Had Walter finished that quickly? She looked, and the outer wall was repaired. She shrugged, maybe he could have done the repairs in the short amount of time.

Then she entered the house, and found that Walter had not finished the repairs. In fact, he hadn't even done half. This was very odd, the man was a venerable machine when it came to things like this. She walked slowly, and then heard a muffled noise from the main entrance. When she entered, she saw something that made her jaw drop.

Walter had been bound and gagged, and had been wrapped up in an American flag. The flag dangled from the ceiling by a rope. And though Walter was struggling, the most he could do was make himself sway slightly.

And on the wall, written in black spray paint, were the words:

"In the name of God, all those who make to much frickin' noise while certain vampires are trying to sleep will be hung up from the ceiling until we feel like taking them down. Amen."

Hey guys, I'll give a cookie to whoever can tell me where that song came from. Yes, it is actually a song. Keep the reviews coming.


	6. The Dumbest Thing

1Chapter Six: The Dumbest Thing You Could Ever Do...

Lui woke up, feeling much better. Revitalized. Yes, he was a new vampire. And this new vampire had the sudden urge to do something. The ancient vampire half of his brain argued against it, and the bored teenager at the wheel tuned him out. He was going to...

Hey, he was going to go wake Seras up! Brilliant!

Grabbing his camera, he phased through his door. Phasing into Seras's dark room, he landed soundlessly on top of her coffin.

He gently tapped on the top of the coffin, "Seras, time to wake up my sweet."

And when that failed to produce a result, he smiled. Now for the fun part.

He stood up, "Hey cutie! Time to wake UP!" He punctuated 'up' with an extremely hard stomp on the coffin.

Then suddenly the coffin lid shot strait upwards, making him hit his head on the ceiling, then he fell to the floor.

He looked to see a very angry Seras. He then realized that the ancient vampire in him had been right, and this was a very stupid thing to do. Sadly, now it was too late. He had woken Seras Victoria up, and from the looks of it she was having a good dream.

"Lui! I'm going to kill you!"

"You have to catch me first cutie!"

He ran to the wall, and phased through it. But as he was almost through it, he felt something catch his foot. He fell head first into the ground with a loud cry of surprise. His camera landed a few feet in front of him, on it's side.

The camera recorded, uncaring as it's owner cursed, trying figure out what happened. Then he felt himself being pulled backwards.

"Oh crap."

He was slowly disappearing back through the portal he had made. He shook his head in horrified disbelief, "No."

His waist was through now. He began frantically trying to grab a hold of something so pull himself back. However, he merely scratched the floor with his fingernails. As his upper body began to disappear, he began to cry out.

"No! God help me! Somebody help me! Ahhh!" Then as his head dissapeared through to portal he screamed one last time, "NOOO!"

Then with one last effort, his hands grabbed the solid walls on the side of the portal, and vainly tried to pull himself through. But then they to dissapeared, and the portal closed.

Lui was suddenly face to face with his worst nightmare. Seras. He tried to talk his way out of it, "Hey Seras, how you feeling?"

She answered him by grabbing him by his neck and bashing his head into the wall, "How do you think I feel?"

"Very, very mad, I'm sure. So, I'll leave you to that..." He desperately tried to crawl away, but his cursed foot was once again caught by Seras, and she swung him around into the wall again. Lui felt for sure that she had broken something with that one. Not that it wouldn't heal, but that didn't ease the pain of it.

"God, do you think you're overreacting just a little bit?"

"You actually had the nerve to wake me up, even after you trapped me in that blasted coffin all afternoon? No, I'm taking it easy on you."

Still holding onto his leg, she tried to swing him back the other way. But Lui made a sudden jerk with his body. Seras, surprised, was caught off balance. He landed in her coffin, and carried by her momentum she landed on top of him.

"Well, not what I had in mind, but whatever works for you cutie." He said, smiling defiantly.

She smiled, and he wasstartled by what she said, "Yes, this works for me."

He wasn't sure what she meant before she started popping her knuckles. He sighed, knowing what was about to come. He knew all to well what happened with his mouth acted before his mind could come up with something intelligent to say.

Alucard was about to phase through the door into his fledgling's room when it suddenly burst open. And there stood a very beaten up Lui. His face was bruised, cut, and wasn't an overall pretty sight. His hair was in more disarray than usual, and his clothes looked like someone had taken a tennis racket to them.

"Luis..." Alucard said questioningly, then a smile crossed his face.

"Shut up Alucard."

Lui walked by him, and entered his room, slamming the door behind him. Alucard laughed, and entered to see Seras tossing some hair out of her face. She was smiling brightly, and stood in front of her dresser, picking out clothes to wear.

"Did you just beat the heck out of our dear friend Luis in your pajamas Police Girl?"

She turned shrugging, "He should have known better than to wake me up."

Alucard phased in front of her, "I'll remember that the next time you wake ME up Police Girl."

Johnny suddenly realized something as he sat on his coffin. He hadn't done anything to anyone in the past... Wait, he hadn't done anything to anyone since he got here! He was slacking off!

He stood up. No more. He was going to do his duty as the annoying vampire from America. He was going to...

Crap, what was he going to do?

Then he suddenly heard his brother's voice ring out in the basement, "Vampire meeting in my room! Now!"

When Seras, Alucard, and Johnny entered the room, they didn't know what to expect. It seemed a bit out of the blue. Seras thought maybe she had hit him harder than she thought.

However he seemed to have recovered from all the damage. Seras pouted inwardly, disappointed.

"Alright, if we are going to have a little prank war, I think we should lay down some ground rules.OK everyone?"

The vampires shrugged, then agreed. Alucard was intrigued. Rules, while they got in the way sometimes, made things much more interesting.

"Alright, first off, no attacking some one if they successfully prank you." Lui said, glaring at Seras, who blushed.

"Sorry about that..."

Lui smiled and dismissed it, "I knew what I was doing. You have to see the video of you dragging me back through the portal though, it's hilarious. Anyway, that's rule number one. Number two is obvious, no causing any lasting physical damage. Mainly for me and Alucard, since you can't really cause lasting physical damage to us. Third, lets try and keep damage to minimum... Wait, scratch that one. It's no fun that way. If you pull a prank, expect fully to be pranked back. And it's no mercy now. Keep vampiric power usage to a minimum. Alucard, none of your freaky illusion things. Those are just weird. And I think that covers just about everything." He glanced at the three vampires around him, "Any questions?"

They shook their heads. Seemed straightforward enough. Lui smiled and clapped his hands, "Alright! I have five cameras, so lets get as much of this on tape as possible. Let the undead prank war begin, Now!"

Seras and Johnny had to giggle, but they stifled it quickly. They couldn't afford to let Alucard know they were there. The ancient vampire was asleep, and they had a plan. Johnny had thought of it, then asked Seras for help. She had been dazzled by the brilliance of the plan, and had agreed emmediatly.

They quickly grabbed Alucard's hat, coat, and all of his clothes. They ran silently back to Seras's room, where they had prepared a swirling concoction. They threw all of his clothes into it, and began to stir. After about a minute they took the clothes out and let them dry. Then Seras had another idea, and ran into her Master's room again, and grabbed the vampire's pistols.

She was going to love this.

Integra was curious why on earth Seras and Johnny had been so adamant on her calling Alucard. She knew he wasn't up yet, and waking him up would only irritate him, but something in the two young vampire's eyes convinced her. She mentally called out to her servant.

Alucard stirred, then opened his eyes slightly. Then he closed them again. 'This had better be important' he thought. He summoned his clothes without looking, then put his guns in their holsters. He didn't have to look, he had been doing this for so long. He quickly phased into his master's office.

"What do you want Integra?"

If his eyes had been open they would have seen a human's and three vampire's mouths go slack. Lui was holding his camera, and was completely taken aback by what he saw.

It took a few seconds before they overcame their shock and began to laugh their head's off, including Integra. This irritated Alucard.

"What's so funny?" He asked, then he glanced down. Something was wrong. Then he grabbed his coat, and looked at his suit in shock.

Every single article of clothing had been dyed a tie-dye purple and pink swirl. Including his hat! The vampire lord stood there, looking at his own clothes for the longest time. Then his anger got the best of him, and he reached for his guns.

For a moment everyone tensed up, but when the guns when drawn, they went into even more hysterics. Alucard looked at his guns, giving a gasp of frustrated anger.

Both of his gun's had been spray painted hot pink.

"They still shoot though!" He shouted, and seeing the looks on Seras's and Johnny's faces, pointed one gun at each of them.

"Ah, ah, ah Alucard," Lui said, waving his finger as if talking to a small child, "Remember the rules of war."

Integra looked at him questioningly, "Rules of war?"

The master vampire gave out an intelligible shout of anger, and threw his hat onto the ground. As he phased back to his room, he told everyone, "I hope you are all ready for this, because I'm not one to forgive and forget."

Integra watched as Seras and Johnny left the room, still laughing. Then she turned to Lui, and asked, "What's going on?"

"War. Since we were going to do it anyway we decided to add some semblance of order to the chaos about to ensue, so we decided on some rules and declared a prank war on each other."

He smiled at the cold stare from Integra, "You what?"

"Don't bother trying to stop us. Even Alucard is having fun with this. Besides, it must be boring up here, alone and doing paperwork all day." he winked at the knight and set a camera on her desk, "Maybe you could find time to come and visit?"

Catching his meaning, she shook her head, "How old are you again?"

"Let's just say I was one of the Indians at the Boston Tea Party."

"That old? You act so immature."

"Would you rather me act like Alucard?"

Integra grimaced, "Good point. However, know that I am billing you for any and all damage done here."

"Don't worry, I have it all covered."

"You do?"

"Last time I checked I was a multi-billionaire, with my money spread out over a number of bank accounts. That was ten years ago though..."

As the vampire phased through the floor, the impact of what he had just said hit her. Then she shook her head. So they wanted a prank war did they?

She buzzed Walter, who entered Sir Integra's new office which was in the library, "Madam?"

"Hire a secretary, and send all my paperwork to them. I'm taking a brake."

"What?"

"I'll send over a stamp with my signature and the seal, and I'll let them take care of it for a while."

"Sir Integra, this isn't a good idea..."

"Better yet, send it to one of the other Hellsing bases."

"What has gotten into you Sir Integra?"

She smiled mischievously and held up her new camera, "It's war now Walter. The vampires have declared war, and I'm not going to sit on the sidelines."

Walter sighed. Where had he gone wrong? But then, "I'll stay with you Sir Integra. After all, they are all vampires you know. The two of us working together will be more than enough to crush them."

Integra laughed when she heard this, "Walter, you have an inner-child."

"I guess I do. I'm surprised you agreed to this nonsense though."

"Our American friends bring it out in people I guess. Look at Seras, and especially Alucard. Besides, I owe that overly-done-up vampire more thanhis fair share for all the trouble and fright he's caused me over the years."

And that is chapter six guys. Reality is slowly slipping away at the Hellsing Manor. What crazy idea will Alucard use to exact his revenge? What will Integra and Walter do to the vampires? Will anyone survive the 'Undead Prank War?' Read on and find out...


	7. All's Quiet

1Chapter Seven: All's quiet on the Hellsing Front... In the Beginning Anyway

All of the other servants were gone. Not that the Hellsing Manor had that many. Quite honestly, Walter took care of most of it, and if he needed help he just went and got some assistance from the soldiers stationed there. However, the few others had all promptly quit (Signing oaths of silence of course) after the 'Mower from Lucifer' had crashed through the house.

Walter had convinced Integra to do the paperwork required to keep the Hellsing Organization running, but they would indeed hire one if not several others to help out. In other words, the officers stationed at the Hellsing Mansions suddenly found themselves stamping the Hellsing seal of approval along with all their military training.

However, after one particularly grueling day the officers merely wanted to be left alone. They sat at a separate table from the rest of the soldiers, desperately trying to figure out how Sir Integra managed to do all of it by herself.

"She's not human lads."

"It's not physically possible to do all of this work! It's just not..." One of the younger officers added, then sulking some more.

Then they noticed a teenager with sunglasses on enter the room. He looked familiar...

The vampire from before!

"Alright, all you slackers, lackeys, and overall snobs of Hellsing, I have an announcement." Lui yelled, gaining the attention of the soldiers. They were all insulted, but they thought that at least this vampire didn't freak them out, "The Hellsing Manor is now the staging ground for the first undead prank war! It's me, my brother Johnny, the lovely Seras Victoria, that ever loveable lord of the undead Alucard," He got scattered laughs from this, "And of course working together will be your own Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing and her butler, Walter Dornez!"

The soldiers began to chuckle, but were unsure what to do with this information, and weren't sure if it was true.

"So now, let the betting begin! Come on you British prudes, do something spontaneous for once in your tea and crumpet infested lives!"

The reaction was immediate. They all pulled out their wallets and began shouting. Lui yelled over them, "Right now the odds for who will win are 2/1 for me, 2/1 for Alucard, 3/1 for my brother, 6/1 for Seras, and 20/1 for Walter and Integra! Please purchase your betting tickets from the devilishly handsome American standing by the door." He instantly appeared by the door, and began writing out tickets for the bets being placed. Lui chuckled. American ingenuity, at it's best. He could make a buck by drawing stick figures in the dirt. And he was going to suck this place dry of any and all monetary substances he could find.

It took Alucard two days to find replacement clothes. However, he made sure he spared no expense, and was sure to bill it directly to his master. He wasn't going to sit back and let her laugh at his misfortune. It had taken him the better part of another day to scrape the paint off his beloved Jackal and Cassul. However, he was now the crimson clad lord of the night he had been before. Just a little humbled, and a bit more vengeful. He had two primary targets. His fledgling and the vampire Johnny.

Seras knocked on Sir Integra's office door, saying, "Sir Integra?"

"Come in."

Seras opened the door, and suddenly felt cold water drench her body. Then a bucket hit her in the head.

Sir Integra was laughing. She had been waiting to test her new camera out for a while. She was hoping it wouldn't be Seras, but whatever works.

Seras stood there, drenched, then stepped forward with a sigh. She should have seen that coming. She needed to get Alucard to teach her how to walk through walls...

"I'm sorry Seras, but I had to do that to someone. I'm getting to live the childhood I never had."

Seras shrugged. She pitied Integra for a moment, being the daughter of a knight gave rare opportunities for such things, but she did tell her simply, "You'll pay for that Sir Integra."

"I know it." Integra said with a grin, turning back to her paperwork. She had firmly told all of the vampires that they could not do any damage to the study, where her new office was located. If they did, and destroyed her precious paperwork... Alucard could disobey some things, but not a clear, direct order. And Integra knew how powerful he was, "What is it you wanted to talk about Seras?"

"It occured to me, that we really aren't sure the FREAKS are gone. And while I am having fun, and I'm glad Alucard isn't being his 'normal' self as much, what if they come back?"

Sir Integra sighed and stood up, pushing her glasses further up on her face, "I've thought of that to Seras. But then I realized, that our intelligence division isn't going to make any faster progresswhether we're sitting here working our butts of or not. Oh, tell the others. There will be hours that normal duties will recommence. They are posted in the main hall. But I think it is very possible to run this organization, maintain combat readiness, and still have some fun along the way."

Seras nodded, satisfied. She saluted, still dripping wet, and walked out. She closed the door behind her, then Integra heard a loud SPLASH!

"Johnny! I'm going to kill you!"

"Wait, you can't attack someone who pranks you remember!" The vampire yelled desperately as Seras approached.

"That's not a prank! That's just throwing water on me!"

Integra chuckled as she heard running footsteps go down the hall, followed by a loud shout of pain. Turning back to the document she was currently on, she had to stop and laugh it out again as she remembered the look on Alucard's face after Seras attacked him.

Alucard phased into Lui's room, finding him counting money and taking notes. Alucard walked up to him, confused, "What is that?"

"These are the bets I collected from the soldiers."

"Bets on what?"

"Who will win this little war of ours of course. Plus numerous other things. You know, people here really like soccer."

"I wouldn't know."

"No I wouldn't expect you would." Lui told him, finishing up, "Do you need something Alucard?"

"I'm going for a walk. Want to come with me?"

Lui shrugged. There didn't seem to be any harm in that, "Why not."

They phased out of the Mansion and then walked off the grounds. The London nightlife at one in the morning wasn't exactly boring, but it was no New York or Los Angeles either.

"I take it you wanted to talk about something Alucard. What is it?"

"It's been half a century Luis, I thought this was what friends do when they don't see each other for a long time."

"Where did you hear that?" Lui asked, glancing at Alucard. He was curious, Alucard didn't seem the social type."

"I read it in one of Police Girl's magazines."

"You what?"

"You'll find that it becomes very boring at the Mansion. You run out of things to do."

"Hey, you don't have to talk to me about boredom. Blowing things up has begun to lose interest with me. When that becomes boring, then you know you have problems."

"I'm glad you came Luis."

"Why's that Vladimir?" Lui asked, catching a smile on the older vampire's lips.

"I haven't gone by that name in several centuries. Anyway, I'm glad you came because not only have things been more enjoyable lately, you've figured out a way to reach Seras."

"What do you mean by that?" Lui asked looking up at the buildings around them. A few cars lazily drifted by. If their drivers saw the vampires, they would probably just think it was their imagination.

"Seras used to be very subservient. She wouldn't cross me, and would never resist an order I gave her. Not on most occasions anyway. I expected that when she wasn't a full nosferatu, but it became rather annoying when she became one. You have managed to bring Seras out of her proverbial shell as it were."

"You wanted her to disobey you? That's a little weird Alucard."

"Maybe it is. But it was frustrating. When she was alive she seemed so strong and fiery, and it seemed like that died with her. Servants are boring. However, now she is calling me Master less and less, and is finally acting like she has a mind of her own. She's even insulted me, attacked me, and dyed all my clothes different colors."

"What did you do with those clothes Alucard?"

"They are still in my room. Why?"

"Can I have them?"

"Why...?"

"I just want them."

"Sure. I was going to burn them, but ok."

Lui nodded in thanks, then a thought struck him, "If you wanted Seras to go berserk on you, why didn't you just say she was hot? That seemed to set her off pretty good."

He turned when Alucard stopped walking. His eyebrow was twitching slightly, "I'm her dark father idiot."

Lui shrugged, "Not like that means much."

However, the look in Alucard's eyes made it clear he did not want to discuss the subject.

"However, since we are speaking of Seras, what do you say you help me? I have to get her back for all the pain she caused me."

Lui donned his famous, devilish grin, "Why Alucard, I thought you would never ask."

Alucard carried a bucket of ice with a blood packet. He walked into Seras's room, to find her getting ready for bed.

When she saw her pre-morning meal, she smiled, "Thanks Alucard."

As she walked over and picked it up, she noticed he wasn't leaving, "What is it?"

"Making sure you drink it Police Girl."

She sighed, putting her hand to her forehead. He did this about once every week or so. It was a burden for her at first, his way of getting her used to drinking the red liquid. But now it was just an annoyance, since she had overcome that particular hurtle a while ago. Now she was dealing with 'growing pains' as her powers started to develop more fully, "Good lord Alucard, I lose control one bloody time..."

"And put three men in the hospital. I'm not keen on repeating that particular occurrence Police Girl, since it was me who Integra blamed. Drink."

She sighed, and opened the blood packet. She had grown to realize that drinking it from a cup helped slightly. She poured herself a healthy glassful, and began to drink it.

However, she didn't swallow it. She swished it around in her mouth for a moment, realizing something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Her face turned slightly green, and she spit all of the liquid out, "WHAT DID YOU GIVE ME!"

"Why, blood Police Girl. With some red paint mixed in of course, for flavor, and some other secret ingredients so you couldn't tell the difference."

Seras flushed angrily, and threw the bucket of ice at her master, but he was already faded through the wall. She heard a chuckling to her right. She turned, her eyebrow twitching, to see Lui turning off his camera.

He looked up at her, smiling, "It was all his idea. I swear."

"I'm sure."

"Tell me, how did it taste?"

Screaming, she threw the half-empty blood packet at the vampire, but she missed him as well. His laughter hung in the room as he circled as a shadow, then he faded away.

She sighed and looked at the mess on her floor, "He made me drink bloody paint!" Then she giggled at the irony of that, and began to clean up, "Literally."

Walter put the laundry from the past week into the washing machine. He was humming happily, doing the work he had done for many years. As he finished putting the clothes in, he put in some detergent, then noticed that they were almost out.

"Strange. I thought I bought some last week." then he shrugged and continued humming. He closed the lid, and turned the washer on. Then he noticed the door was closed. He hadn't closed it behind him. He tried to open it, but found the doorknob wasn't working.

Johnny walked away from the door, tossing a screwdriver up and down. He started whistling as he walked away, watching 'Alfred' desperately trying to open the door.

Walter then began to notice that the washing machine was making extremely odd noises. He saw the water and bubbles begin to overflow, and a loud screech filled the air. Panicking, Walter started to ready his fighting wires to cut the door down.

Alucard sat, watching the old butler through the end of the camera. Finally, a machine that he could handle. He pushed the button when he wanted it to work, he pushed the same button when he wanted it to stop. Why couldn't all modern things be like that? He saw the approaching disaster, and chuckled. Walter was about to get what was about to get his due pay for last spring.

"3, 2, 1..." He muttered, phasing away.

Johnny stood ready, camera in hand. A sudden explosion rocked the house, blowing the door wide open. A tsunami of bubbles, water, clothes, and a very panicked Walter flooded the hallway, and carried everything in it a down the hall way further than expected. Johnny chuckled, "Who knew that putting in three gallons of detergent, removing all the safety features from a washing machine, and tweaking it's engine could produce such profound effects?"

Chapter seven, done. Professor Curly, out.


	8. Mission?

11Chapter Eight: Seras's First Lesson

Seras knew the sound of the 'report for duty' alarm, and reacted immediately. She changed into her uniform, and grabbed her harconan cannon, then ran up the stairs. Alucard followed behind her, sighing. It was only just sun set. Couldn't evil wait until he had actually gotten a full day's sleep?

Lui stuck his head out his door, and yelled to Seras, "Hey, what does that alarm mean?"

"We have a mission. This is Hellsing after all."

Lui's eyebrows shot up, and he ran back into his room, "Johnny, get ready bro! We goin' huntin'!"

Seras stood at attention with several other soldiers. Alucard stood to the side, a look of perfect uncaring on his face. Integra walked out in front of them, and said, "It appears the FREAKS have reappeared, in mass. They have taken over a large factory thirty miles north of England. We believe that they may have turned all the workers into ghouls or more FREAKS. You are to exterminate them. In the name of God, the impure souls of the undead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen."

"Amen!" the soldiers repeated, then they ran outside, to their transports.

Alucard walked up to Integra, asking her simply, "Should I go?"

Integra shrugged, "Yes Alucard, I think you should. It's been quiet for too long to just put this off as a standard mission."

"Then you wouldn't mind if we went as well would you?"

They turned to see Lui phase through the floor, shocking Integra. Not by his sudden appearance, but merely by his appearance in general.

He was wearing a long coat, similar to Alucard's, but it was black. And for lack of a better word, thicker, and heavier. Straps and buckles held the sleeves to his wrists. His pants were made of the same material, as was his shirt. He wore heavy black gloves, and had on black sunglasses. The sight made Alucard give off one of his insane laughs, "The Reaper walks again."

Then Johnny walked up beside his brother, wearing a matching uniform, only he sported his sword on his back. Alucard looked at him, and laughed harder, "And the Black Knight draws his sword. Master, let them accompany us, I have such an urge to see what they have learned in fifty years!"

Integra shook her head. This was all she needed, "Fine. But they are your responsibility Alucard."

Seras looked at the now silent factory. If the intel was right, this was going to be very difficult. There could be any number of people in the factory, and that means there were that many FREAKS and ghouls to fight.

Seras checked her cannon, sub-machine gun, and ammo bag again. Everything was in order. She was ready. She turned to the men in the unit. They had grown used to her presence by now, and realized her strength. They each nodded as he gaze fell on them.

Then with a final motion from the commander they started forward. It was a fair distance, but they didn't dare get any closer in the vehicles. The FREAKS could have easily had rocket propelled grenades, and other such weapons. It would have been a nightmare had one of their helicopters had been shot down in close proximity with the factory.

Suddenly the ground in front of them rose up, and ghouls jumped from a trap that had been prepared. They were led by several FREAKS, who had automatic weapons.

"Kill em' all boys!"

"Ah ya, I'm not going to be thirsty tonight."

The Hellsing soldiers dove for cover as bullets sprayed the area. Seras cursed, trying to figure out where to aim her first shot.

Then she saw Alucard walking strait towards the enemy, flanked on either side by a man in a black coat. She then recognized them as Johnny and Lui. What in the world was going on?

"These are what you guys fight for a living?"

"Could they get any more pathetic? I mean, sure ghouls make good soldiers if you're fighting children perhaps, but come on. Nothing beats the real thing." Lui taunted after his brother, smiling.

"Who the heck are these guys?"

"I don't know, waste them!"

"Wait, let the zombie dudes handle it."

One of the freaks snapped his fingers, and the ghouls started marching forward.

The three vampires looked at each other, then they moved their fists up and down three times. Lui held his hand flat, as did Alucard. However, Johnny held out two fingers.

"This is why I hate rock-paper-scissors." Lui scoffed turning away. Alucard shrugged grudgingly, and let Johnny walk forward, a smile on his lips.

He didn't even look at the now nearing horde of ghouls as he yelled to the FREAKS, "Hey, you guys ever seen a pure blood at work?" He asked, drawing his sword from it's sheath, "Cause if not, I would start taking notes."

Johnny rushed forward towards the line of ghouls, then jumped to one side. Sticking his blade out, he jumped the other direction, and with that one movement cut the entire first line of ghouls in half. It took a few seconds for anything to happen though, then the FREAKS watched in horror as their entire front line literally fell to pieces.

"What the? What is that g-"

The FREAKS didn't know what hit them as Johnny the 'Black Knight' cut them apart. The couldn't even fire their weapons back at him. It took only seconds to wipe them out. Appearing in front of one, he thrust his long blade through the FREAK, then kicked the man-made vampire away. Another came at him with a long knife, but he easily parried the blow and took the FREAK's head off for his stupidity. Johnny smiled as the remainder of his opponents gave each other scared glances. Then they opened fire, missing the American vampire entirely as he dodged to the side. He stopped a few feet from a FREAK, who turned and fired his machine gun. Johnny used his sword to change the direction the barrel of the gun was pointing, so instead of hitting him it hit two of the FREAKS. He finished off the artificial vampire with a quick stab through his heart.

He wiped the blade off on a piece of cloth, then sheathed it again. He turned to his comrades, and motioned around him, "Well?"

Lui shrugged, "Not bad."

"Not bad?" Johnny's shoulder's slumped, "I just took them all out in ten seconds and all I get is 'not bad'?"

"Correction." Lui said, throwing a knife right by his brother's head, strait into a FREAK who was attacking him, "You missed one."

Johnny turned, then scoffed. The three vampires began to walk towards the factory.

Seras recovered from the shock of what she had just seen, then quickly dashed up beside her master and Lui, "What are you two doing here?"

Lui turned to her and grinned, but not like usual. No, this one was a direct mirror of Alucard. His voice remained the same, but she could sense something different about it, "What does it look like we're doing? We're making the most of the night. Come on, or you're going to miss all the fun!"

With that, Lui dashed quickly past his brother, and crashed through the wall of the factory. They could here a maniacal laughter over the sounds of gunfire. Johnny laughed as well, and ran after his brother.

"Now you will see what those two are really like Police Girl. There is a monster inside of us all, even you. No matter how much you cover it up, it doesn't make it any less there. This is your first lesson in the ways of the true Nosferatu. Stay close to me, and pay close attention!"

Alucard phased, bringing Seras with him into the factory. They sat in one of the rafters, watching Johnny and Lui fight below.

Lui was shooting like a madman. It seemed like he was using four pistols at the same time. Which he was. He was able to move so fast that he could let go of one pistol, fire another, and go back to the first without it so much as falling an inch. But the ghouls numbered to much for this alone to be enough, and they actually managed to close with them.

That was when Johnny kicked in. He would slash and stab around his brother at anything that got what he deemed to close. Thrusting, slashing, kicking, his blade flickered in the light of his brother's gunshots. Moving together they looked like little more than black blurs, or would have to human eyes. But Seras could see them, and watched in shock. Were these really the two carefree American's from before? They moved together like they were one mind, ducking and weaving with each other, sometimes bullets missed Johnny by millimeters, and sometimes a stab nearly impaled Lui. But it never did. It always missed by a little bit. And they were laughing.

"Yes, these are the same Lui and Johnny you know. However, they are enjoying the rush of battle Police Girl. It may take a while, but sooner or later you will crave for fights like this, against insurmountable odds or seemingly unbeatable opponents. There is a feral nature in vampires, at the darkest core of all of us, that lusts for blood and death. That is why we are 'cursed' to the Iscariot. It doesn't matter about our souls or salvation, they hunt us because they fear this very thing."

Alucard suddenly pushed Seras off the rafter, then jumped himself. She managed to land on her feet, but among the ghouls. She didn't stand a chance. Until gunshots rang out from above her, and bullets ripped the undead creatures apart. Alucard landed in a crouching position, smiling, "What are you waiting for Police Girl? Fight!"

Seras nodded, and raised her cannon. She fired, sending a massive slug that took out a large swath of the ghouls. Then using it like a club she swung it around and knocked the ghouls behind her down. Alucard finished them for her. Indeed, she did feel something. She had felt it before she had been a Nosferatu as well, like when the Valentine Brothers turned most of the soldiers of Hellsing into ghouls. A lust for carnage. But now it seemed less threatening, more natural. She knew that she could control it now. But she still held it back.

"Don't resist it Seras, let loose the vampire inside of you! Let it guide you, let it help you!"

Seras didn't want to, but then she was alone in the crowd. Lui and Johnny seemed miles away, and now Alucard was gone. She felt the weight of the crowd pressing around her, and she took a deep breath closing her eyes. When she opened them again, her eyes were angry, and cold. She raised her machine gun, and spun around rapidly, pouring bullets into the crowd as fast as possible. The ghouls fell, but more approached. She reloaded her cannon, and then jumped. The ghouls closed where she had just been, and she aimed strait down. This time the shell exploded when it hit, taking out a fair number of ghouls. Then machine gun fire erupted from the hole in the wall, and Hellsing soldiers poured in. This snapped Seras out of her battle fury.

As the ghouls were being driven back, Lui walked over to Seras, who was breathing heavily. He put a hand on her shoulder, "Nice job. You truly are Alucard's dark child."

"Did I really just do that?" She asked. Never had Seras thought she was capable of a feat like that.

"Don't worry, it's get's easier to control with time. As well as less tiring. Come on, before Johnny and Alucard do something stupid."

Alucard walked into a room that looked like a control center. He was ready to fight, but saw that instead Johnny stood there among the corpses, leaning on his sword, "Too slow Alucard. I already got this room."

Alucard looked displeased, then fired a shot. Johnny turned, and found a FREAK was about to shoot him. He hit his head, angry he had missed one. Again.

"You're skills have improved greatly, but you need patience. Do not stop until you are sure that all of your enemies have been silenced."

Putting his sword across his shoulders, Johnny told him, "You're beginning to sound like my mother."

Lui whistled as he phased ahead of the Hellsing soldiers. This was fun. A bit easy, but fun. He pulled a sawed off shotgun from his coat, and pointed it at a wall. He fired a shot, which blasted through the wall and took out the FREAK on the other side. He and Seras had split up at the last turn, and he had ventured down this path, blasting everything in his path. They called him 'Reaper' for another reason than the connotation to the 'Grim Reaper'. He had once taken one of his pistols, which were semi automatic, and fired at such a rate that he actually cut down the better part of grain field, as well as most of the people hiding in it. He had 'reaped the harvest' with his guns. He sighed, sensing nothing further entertaining down this path, and left the remaining trash for the humans. He began to make his way back to Seras.

Seras was alone now. She had been split from her men a while back, and had been fighting ghouls alone. Then she walked into a room that looked like an office. It was right near the center of the building, so it was perhaps a meeting room?

Seras had no time to think about it. From no where, two FREAKS tackled her from behind, and quickly disarmed her. They held her to the ground as a third Freak approached.

"Well what have we got here?" He asked. His smile betrayed what he intended to do, "I'm going to enjoy this cutie."

"Hey FREAK boy!" They turned to see Lui holding two pistols at them, "Only I get to call her that!"

He let out a firestorm of silver that cut the Freaks apart before ever actually striking a vital area. He walked over to Seras, who was getting to her knees, deeply shaken.

"You alright?"

"I'm fine. Thank you."

"No problem. Come on, I-" Then Lui heard a loud click. He turned to see one of the FREAKS still alive, removing a pin from what looked like a large plastic explosive.

"Oh crap, Seras get down!" He yelled, grabbing the younger vampire. But just then the bomb exploded, and they fell into blackness.

Seras didn't know how long she was out, but she didn't think it was all that great a length of time. She couldn't see a thing. But she felt a body over top of hers, and very close. She tensed up instinctively.

"Hey Seras." Lui said, pain and struggling clear in his voice, "I would move, but I think the entire building collapsed over us."

"You mean you're holding up the rubble around us?"

"No! I'm fighting off the extreme urge to start making out with you-YES I AM HOLDING UP ALL THE FRICKIN' RUBBLE AROUND US! AND IT MUST WEIGH ABOUT A HUNDRED TONS!"

Seras gasped. He had saved her life. But why didn't he, "Why don't you just phase us out of here?"

"I would if I could."

"You mean you can't? Why not?"

"I could, but I'm not as good at it as Alucard. It takes some measure of concentration. I could phase myself out, but the rubble would crush you. I could try and phase you out, but I would be crushed in the process."

Seras blinked. This wasn't good, "Is there anything I can do to help?

"Yes! Call for Alucard and Johnny! And start praying!"

_MASTER!-_

_Police girl! Where are you?-_

_We were caught up in that explosion, and are buried under the rubble. Lui is holding it up for now, but I'm not sure how much longer he can last!-_

_Alright, I think I can get to you, hold on!-_

Hearing a slight moan from Lui, she yelled _-HURRY!-_

"Alright, Alucard is on his way."

"Seras." His tone caught her attention, "If I feel I'm going to give out soon, I'm going to phase you out of here."

"What?"

"I have a better chance of surviving if this stuff comes down than you do. If it comes to that, sorry about doing all of that stuff I did to you."

Then suddenly he felt some of the weight start to come off him. His rescuers had arrived.

He sighed in relief, then felt a soft pressure on his lips. He opened his eyes in shock. She was kissing him!

"Thank you." She said.

"On second thought, if your going to be like that, tell them to take their time."

He was kidding of course, and for once Seras smiled at his teasing. If he wasn't the only thing separating them from a grizzly death though, she would have punched him in the gut though.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they pulled the final piece of stone off them. Lui immediately collapsed to the side, breathing heavily.

Seras had helped him hold it up after a while, and while she didn't hold it up as long, she wasn't as strong either. They lay there panting for a long time.

"I owe you one Lui."

"I know. That hurt, really bad."

Johnny looked as a soldier approached, "The building appears to be clear. We lost 13 men in the fighting though."

"Alright, we'll be out in a second." Johnny told him. He helped Seras to her feet, and watched his brother get up. He was staggering around, then he fell down again. Johnny and Alucard bent over, and they each put an arm around their shoulders, helping him walk between them.

"Now I know what a bug about to be stepped on feels like..." Lui muttered, still unable to get full control of his legs. Or arms for that matter.

Then a smile crossed his lips, "Hey, I got an idea Seras. If I can move my legs again in the next few days I have a very good idea."

Seras wasn't sure if she liked the sound of that.

Alright, I took a brake on funny for this. I was in an action mood. But I promise that the next chapter will be funny!


	9. The Real War Recommences!

1Chapter Nine: The Real War Recommences!

Seras stood by Lui's door. She had been for a while now. He hadn't been out in four days, and the Mansion seemed so boring without him around messing with things. Johnny refused to do anything until his brother was up and about.

"You standing there isn't going to make him heal faster Police Girl."

She turned to see her master striding down the hall. She asked him, "I know, but still..."

"You did very well for your first mission as a Nosferatu."

"Ya, sure. I nearly get killed two bloody times in a span of ten seconds, and I can only say that I'm still here because of him." She shuddered as she remembered the smiling FREAK looking down at her, "And a lot of other stuff to."

Alucard didn't pry into that last statement. He already had an inkling as to what she meant. But he shrugged, saying, "You called out to me Police Girl. Not the other way around."

Her eyes shot up. She had called out to Alucard! She had started the telepathic link without even thinking about it! "Wait, but how did I?"

"Some things don't have to be learned. They just come to you naturally. I must admit though, I think the fact you were about to die sped up the process a bit."

Seras tried to call out again, but for some reason couldn't. Alucard watched her do this, then explained, "It comes and goes Seras. Your powers come and go when you first get them."

She sighed and looked at Alucard. He was grinning at her futile attempts of communication. He was enjoying it. Then the thought that had plagued her came out of her mouth, "Will he be ok? I mean, he hasn't even left his room since we got back..."

"You try doing a push-up with half a building on your back and tell me how much you can move afterwards."

Seras whirled, surprised. Lui was standing there, looking like the perfect American teenager, complete with silver/black sunglasses. He was grinning, and held up a camera, "I think that was a show of affection cutie."

She flushed and punched him in the arm, but this got a much louder cry of pain than she had expected, "What's wrong with you?"

"Jeez, just cause I can walk doesn't mean you can start to hit me! I can'tmove for three days and now she hits me when I finally can..." Then Lui flinched as a memory came back to him. They were carrying him out of the factory to one of the transports, when Alucard asked 'can you walk?'. Lui had nodded his head, saying, 'Ya.'. Needless to say he fell flat on his face when his legs gave out, and his arms proved to weak to stop his fall, 'No'.

Alucard laughed, and Lui stared daggers at him, "Laugh at my pain! Ya, go ahead! Laugh! Some friend you are Alucard!"

Alucard walked away, chuckling. Then Seras looked back to Lui, who though he wore sunglasses Seras could tell was looking at her. And smiling. Darn it, she hated it when he smiled like that, "About that favor you owe me."

Seras's hair stood up on the back of her neck. She had a feeling she wasn't going to like this, "What about it?"

"You've lived here in England a long time right?"

Seras nodded, not getting where this was going.

"Alright then, come on. Your going to give me a guided tour of this stupid city."

"What? Why would you want to do that? And I mean, aren't you injured."

Lui shrugged, "As long as we don't have to break out in a dead run and you stop hitting me I think I'll be fine. But you sound almost disappointed."

"Well, it's just..."

Lui lowered his sunglasses so he could look at her with his blood red eyes, "Or you could kiss me again." He said, then continued when she saw her face begin to blush, "Soft and slow. Then perhaps we could retire to my room for the day..."

Seras pointed to the stairs and said, "Walk, before I get a stick and beat you to death with it."

He laughed, as if he found the prospect extremely intriguing, but then started to walk. He sighed, mumbling, "Can't blame a guy for trying."

Walter saw Seras and Lui emerge from the basement and smiled, "Miss Victoria, Master Thomson."

"Walter, It's Lui."

"Right, Lui. Anyway, how are you feeling?"

"Sore, and in pain, but up for a little trip." Lui said, stretching his arms to try and loosen up the joints that refused to move, but only serving to hurt himself.

"Where are you two going pray tell?"

"I'm going to give Lui a tour of the city."

"Splendid! Perhaps I should come as well. I know this old town like the back of my hand."

Lui blinked, "You want to help us throw eggs and tomatoes at the Queen's house?"

Walter stepped back shocked, "What? I am not letting you leave this house if that is your intent!"

Seras sighed and waved Walter away, "I won't let him do anything Walter. Just let us go and get this over with."

And with that the two vampires walked by the butler, who would have questioned them further, but had other things on his mind. Like how to get back at that other blasted American for not only nearly drowning him in soapy water, but also destroying his washing machine. He knew 'Johnny' was responsible because he heard someone with a very much American accent that was different from Lui's laughing at him. Walter smiled as he thought about what he was going to do.

Lui looked up at the moon and took a deep breath. He loved this time of the month, when the moon was only a slender crescent, a small smile in the heavens.

"That over there is Buckingham Palace." Seras commented absently, pointing to the grand building in the distance. Then she noticed Liu wasn't listening, "Hey, I have better things to do you know."

"I'm sure you do, but I don't." the American told her, laughing.

"You're annoying, you know that?"

"And?"

"And? What do you mean 'and'? I'm wasting my night giving some one who really doesn't care a tour of England. Why did you even want to do this anyway?"

"I've never been here. Believe me, way back when, we had all sorts of ideas of what England was like. Most of it was a bit to insulting for me to repeat now. But one thing that was agreed upon by all of us was that we hated British accents. I'm still not to found of it now."

"Why is that?" Seras asked, trying not to hit him.

"Because you only heard them for three reasons. One, you were a Tory and officially exiled yourself from American society. Two, the city you lived in had been captured. Or three, a British officer was yelling out the words you never wanted to hear." He changed his voice, becoming a perfect British accent as he told her, "Make ready. Take aim. Fire."

Lui drifted off, troubled by his memories. Seras didn't know what to tell him, so she tried to change the subject, "So, is there any particular place you wanted to go?"

"Not really. I have a question though."

"What?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

Seras stopped dead in her tracks, blushing, "I..."

"I'm not complaining or anything, but I just want to know."

"Well, you saved me from the FREAKS, then you were nearly killing yourself to save me. You seemed so ready to die for me... But don't plan on it happening again."

Lui laughed, "I know. I like you, and I think you like me. But that's better for friendships than for romances. Hold on, did you say that was Buckingham palace back there?"

Seras was caught off guard by the question, "Yes, what does that have to do-"

"That's where the Queen lives right?"

"Yes, but why does that matter?"

"Where's the nearest grocery store? I have the sudden urge for scrambled eggs."

Seras laughed, shaking her head.

"Ha! I got you to laugh! Victory is mine!" Lui cried, trying to jump into the air, but was only able to push himself about an inch off the ground, and fell in a heap.

"Come on egg boy, I think we should go back to the mansion now."

"But I was serious. I want to throw eggs at the Queen's house. It's been on my things to do list since I got here."

Seras pulled him to his feet and pushed in down the street, "Move it Lui."

Walter strode down the hallway, very satisfied with something. Johnny didn't like it. The old man seemed too satisfied. That could only mean one thing.

"Hey Alfred, sorry to break it to you, but your little attempts at revenge won't wor-"

The vampire suddenly tripped over something, sending him sprawling onto the floor, hard. But someone (wonder who?)had waxed the floor to perfection, and he slid down the hall. He tried to stop, but this seemed to make him pick up more speed. He saw that a ramp had been built at the end of the hall, leading strait out a window. Johnny renewed his efforts to stop, but failed.

He slip up the ramp, and out the window. Which unfortunately for him happened to be two stories up. And he couldn't control himself enough to land in any controlled way. His landing could be described as... Well, two words: Back Buster.

He lay there, unable to move. Integra laughed from the bushes. Walter had an inner-child alright. An evil inner-child. Sadistically evil.

Seras and Lui saw what happened and walked over to Integra, who shut the camera off, "Did someone just throw my brother out of a window?"

"Something like that, yes." Integra replied.

"Give them my thanks. I've been wanting to do that for a couple years now."

Johnny, finally able to speak again, yelled, "Screw you Lui!"

Integra motioned to Lui and Seras, then they began to walk inside. Lui glanced at the women on either side of him, when an extremely stupid idea came to mind.

He reached up as if stretching, then put an arm around each of the women's shoulders, saying, "The perfect end to a perfect evening. Ah, life is good."

Integra and Seras glanced at each other, not needing to read minds to know what to do. They both elbowed Lui in the stomach as hard as they could, provoking a gasp of agony, then they let him fall to the ground. So, the two vampires from America got to lay around outside for a few a long time, while they recovered from their pain.

"British women are way too touchy." Lui finally said, getting up, then helping his brother to his feet. Together, they limped into the mansion, and made their way to the basement.

"I am a genius."

Alucard laughed again as he carried his box of desctruction to it's target. It was amazing what stuff you could find by shifting through someone else's room. It took his nose only a few seconds to identify what these were. But he had to read the directions to figure out how to work them. In actuallity, it was very simple. And nothing mechanical to break or mess up.

Johnny scratched his head as he looked at his stuff. He thought a minute, then walked out into the hallway, "Hey bro, have you seen my firecrackers?"

"I have them." Alucard yelled to him.

"What? Why?"

"Get Seras and Luis. I have a plan."

Integra sighed as she walked into her room. It had been a long day, and very hard. She would need thicker glasses soon if she wasn't careful. Oh, she just wanted to go to sleep and have a nice dream for a change. She slipped into her bed-clothes, then eased herself under the sheets of her bed. She just wanted to float away...

Unfortunately, Alucard had other ideas. He whispered in a voice to low for his master to hear, "This is for shooting me in the head master."

He waited a few minutes till he was sure that Integra was asleep, then gently snapped his fingers. He sniggered as a satisfying hiss filled the room for a few seconds, but then it went quiet again.

Suddenly the bed was covered in small explosions and loud cracks and pops filled the room as the tiny things of gunpowder exploded all over the room. However, most were inside Integra's mattress, and hidden in various places around her bed. She woke up screaming, and grabbed her gun. You couldn't distinguish the noise of the gunfire over the firecrackers though. Alucard faded away before he started laughing and stopped recording on his camera.

Lui, putting two and two together, walked into Alucard's room, saying, "I'll be darned, the Fourth of July came early this year."

Then the two vampires burst out laughing, as Integra tried to keep from having a heart attack. She wasn't happy at all. She was going to slip Alucard some nitroglycerin in his blood packets. She was going to... She was to tired for this. She embarked on a quest to find another bed, wrapping her sheets around herself. Finally, finding nothing else, she fell onto the couch in the library, and drifted off to sleep again.

Lui saw his chance to really get back at her now. So he phased silently into the room, his guitar and the biggest amp he had in his hands. Plugging the amp in as quiet as possible, he turned the volume all the way up and prepared himself for what he was about to do.

He took a deep breath, and screamed as loud as he possibly could, "ALL ABOARD!"

And he emmediatly started playing the Ozzy Osbourne song 'Crazy Train' on his guitar. However, after about playing for ten seconds, he pulled the plug on the amp, gathering it up, then phased back to his room as a bullet grazed his head. He laughed as he and Alucard met back up. Johnny was in the room, smiling.

Alucard phased him into the library, and then ran away. Integra looked haggard, and very angry. However, she didn't have time to shoot as he grabbed the sheets, and pulled her back out into the hall. He then pulled them away from her entirely, and the force of this caused her to slip on the floor (Where did this wax come from!). He laughed and ran away.

Integra decided something at that moment, as she staggered to her feet. She hated vampires even more than before. Then she slipped, and then a thought occured to her. She was going to just sleep on the floor, cold and uncomfortable. She actually managed this for a few minutes, until she felt cold liquid around her. She opened her eyes to see Seras, who had thrown a bucket of water towards her. It didn't reach her, but a puddle was forming. Beside Seras stood Alucard. Both held large water guns.

Integra looked down the hall the other way, and there stood Lui and Johnny, who also held waterguns.

"What is the meaning of this!" She demanded, managing to get to her feet. Then all of the vampires promptly hosed her down. So there she stood, as laughter echoed around her, cold, wet, tired, and angry. She cursed vampires, and then slipped on the wax again.

Then she heard Lui yell, "We figured you looked thirsty Intgra 'Ice Queen' Hellsing!"

The vampires all met back in Lui's room. He set the camera up, and then walked back to the group. They were all laughing.

"Hey, it's us at the Hellsing Manor! It's late, and Integra has just been the victim of the 'Vampire Blitz'! For this special we have to think the No-Life king himself, Alucard, my brother Johnny for providing the firecrackers and wax, me for my musical wake up call, and finally the ever lovely Seras who figured out the Coup de'gra! For us to remember later, the vampires of Hellsing, out!"

Hehehehe... I've been waiting for this chapter a long time...


	10. Lui vs Alucard

1Chapter Ten: Alucard vs Lui

"Hehehehe..."

"Lui?" Johnny asked, turning to see his brother smiling evilly at him, fangs and all.

"Hahahaha..."

Johnny felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on edge. His brother only laughed like that when he was waiting for one of his pranks to go off. And the trouble was, Johnny had no idea what it was. He glanced about him quickly, but saw nothing.

"Have fun Johnny." Lui said, then stalked out of the basement.

Johnny put down the book he was reading. He looked around again carefully, then slowly moved from the room. Whatever his brother was going to do, he probably wasn't going to like. And darn it, what could it be? Horrible images involving soap, ice, rocks, sticks, knives, guns, and other such devices filled his mind. He ran from the basement before whatever was going to happen happened.

Seras yawned and stretched as she got out of her bed/coffin hybrid. She smiled, feeling tonight was going to be a good night. She got up, and began to change into her uniform, then stopped. No, she wasn't going to wear her uniform. She wasn't on duty, she was going to wear whatever she bloody wanted!

She picked out a longish denim skirt, a blue t-shirt, a light jacket, and tennis shoes. It felt so strange to not be in her uniform, but also relaxing. It felt like she could breath again since she didn't have the weight of the Hellsing crest on her shoulder.

She walked up out of the basement, noting that everyone else seemed to be up already. She hummed a little as she walked into the kitchen. At first she didn't notice, then she did a double take.

Were Alucard and Lui having a drinking contest?

Yes, it seemed that they were. Five bottles of what looked like vodka sat between them, two of them empty, and one about half. They each had a small glass in front of them. And both looked very, very ill.

Lui held his stomach in pain. Alucard put his hand on the table and breathed heavily. Oh, what had he done to deserve this.

"Give it up Alucard..." Lui said, his voice laced with pain, "You aren't going to win."

"Talk to me when you can let go of your stomach Luis."

Walter walked into the room and chuckled. He walked up beside the dumbstruck Seras and told her, "Through the course of the evening Alucard said that there was no contest that Lui could challenge him to that Alucard wouldn't win. Lui took him up on it, and challenged him to a drinking contest. I'm not sure where they got the vodka, but I must say that it's been most enjoyable to watch them suffer."

"Shut up you sadistic butler!" Lui yelled at him, his face turning green. He had been fine for the first bottle, and most of the second, but after that the human food hit him hard. Human food tasted the same, but it didn't fill any hunger one could mention, but too much of it totally wrecked a vampire's system.

As was happening to Lui and Alucard.

"Luis, if you can drink one more, you win. I can't take this anymore."

Lui smiled, and poured himself another, "Sure, no problem."

However, his hand was shaking. As he brought the liquid to his lips, his entire body was vibrating, telling him 'NO!'.

But he opened his mouth, and forced the liquid down. For a second he felt nothing.

Then both he and Alucard ran to find the nearest bathroom before their vampiric bodies purged themselves of the human food all over the place.

Seras found them both slouched on couches in the living area, still looking green. It had been a few hours since their little 'contest', but both of them felt horrible.

"Alright Luis, I admit it. You beat me."

"Gee, thanks. Perhaps you could have said that before half the blood and everything else in my body decided to pour itself up my throat."

"Are you two alright?" Seras asked happily, plopping down beside Alucard. Then they noticed she had a camera in hand.

Lui looked at her, stunned, "You didn't."

"Yep. Walter got most of the actual drinking contest to, so we have the whole thing."

"Great. I'm sure watching us vomit for a while will provide much entertainment in the future." Alucard muttered, "Luis, is their anything on this stupid box tonight?"

Lui shrugged and looked at the TV guide which was on the table by the couch, "Says that 'Interview with a Vampire' comes on in a little while."

"Seen it, read it, it bored me." Alucard said, his voice even.

Lui shrugged, then asked, "Uh... 'An American Were-wolf in London'?"

Seras shook her head, "I hate that movie."

Shrugging again, he turned back to the guide, then smiled, "Heh, 'Dracula, Dead and Loving it'."

Alucard eyed him coldly, "Do I want to know?"

"No, probably not."

Johnny walked into the room, then left emmediatly at the evil smile his brother gave him. He squeaked as he turned and ran.

Seras looked over at Lui, "What was that about?"

"You'll see. Here, you find something to watch. I'm going to my room."

Lui tossed the magazine to Seras, who began to look through it lazily. He whistled a tune as he walked, then opened the door to the basement.

He didn't see the trip wire at the top of the stairs. Needless to say, he face planted the stairs, rolled down them, and someone had conveniently placed a small kiddy pool filled with water at the bottom of the stair case. He mumbled underwater for a minute, then got up and walked, soaking wet, to his room, past a very amused Walter.

"Tell me sir, did you have a nice 'trip'?"

Lui turned to the butler, "That's corny and overused Walter. Think of another one.", then he promptly slammed the door.

Johnny was truly panicking now. What was his brother planning? What tortures had he set up? The suspense was killing him more than anything. He felt like there was a sword hanging above his head. He knew it would fall, and it wouldn't be good, but at the same time he wanted to just to get it over with.

The next night, Seras found Lui and Alucard at it, again. However, they weren't in the kitchen. They weren't in the mansion at all. Or at least, she hoped they wouldn't be.

Lui and Alucard rode horseback, where they got the horses no one knew, around the grounds. Alucard laughed, "I was doing this before your master was born Lui!"

"I highly doubt that Alucard!"

The horses jumped over a line of boxes, interrupting there conversation for a moment.

"Really, why is that?"

"My master was born around a thousand years ago Alucard. Last I checked you were what, six, seven hundred?"

Alucard glanced over at him, "A thousand years old? And she isn't on the Ancient Council?"

Lui shrugged, "Actually she is. She just never goes."

They both had to duck to avoid getting hit in the head by branches of a tree.

"Alucard, out of curiosity, do you remember where we were racing to?"

"Yes it was... Wait, did we ever say where we were racing to?"

Lui hit his forehead, "Darn it, fine whoever get's to the other side of the mansion wins."

Alucard nodded, then watched as Lui veered to the right. Then Alucard caught the younger vampire's meaning, and followed him.

Seras watched in horror as the massive animal barreled towards her. She barely had time to jump out of the way before it ran through the door, followed closely by another.

"MASTER! LUI!"

The horses steps echoed in the house as they trampled through it, laughing the whole way. They crashed through almost everything that looked slightly fragile, and dodged everything they couldn't brake.

"You'll never catch me Alucard!" Lui yelled back.

"We'll see about that Luis!"

Lui looked back to Alucard, "What are you going to do about it Alu-"

He never finished the word. Suddenly a rope came from nowhere and clothes lined him, catching him dead in the chest, knocking him off the horse.

Alucard tried to stop, but soon suffered the same fate. They both lay on the ground, aching from what they had hit, when a loud female voice yelled, "ALUCARD!"

Walter suddenly stepped from the shadows, and he pulled the rope from the wall, "Be glad I was in a good mood. If I wasn't I could have easily cut you in half."

Lui tried to sit up, but couldn't, "Walter, I'm going to beat the crap out of you, as soon as I can feel my body again."

Alright, chapter ten. Guys, I need help. I'm running out of pranks. So, come on, ideas, ideas, ideas, and reviews! Come on, come on, come on!


	11. God Bless Pranking

1Chapter Eleven: God Bless Pranking 101

Lui snickered as he snuck into Alucard's room. The ancient vampire was out, and probably wouldn't wake up unless Seras and Integra both came in and began to beat him with sticks. Hmmm... That had possibilities...

Then he went back to his work. He eased the coffin lid up, and slipped some headphones onto the elder vampire's head. He started playing a song, and had the cd player loop it so it played the same thing over and over again. Lui was glad he had payed attention in class once. It was actually quite an experience for him to go to school, since he knew more than the teachers did, especially about American History...

Then he had to stifle a laugh as he realized what he was doing. It was a common tactic to listen to a recording of information over and over again as you slept, so that you would subconsciously know it when you woke up. Lui was counting on this, and if he was right...

That evening, Alucard got dressed and phased into the kitchen. Lui, Seras, and Walter were playing a card game, and Johnny was no where to be seen.

Lui glanced over at him, and seemed to be listening. Then he smiled.

Alucard didn't realize he was humming. It was almost like a reflex, you have no idea your doing it until someone points it out to you. Seras and Walter were staring at him, the game forgotten. Lui pulled out his camera and moved closer.

Then under his breath Alucard began to sing, "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world... Made from plastic, it's fantastic..."

The room fell dead silent as he spoke the words. He froze, just realizing what he had just said, praying to God no one had heard him. Unfortunately, everyone heard him, and Lui was close enough that the camera recorded it loud and clear.

None of them had ever seen Alucard blush. They didn't think it was possible. But when they all burst out laughing, Alucard's face turned a red so deep it matched his hat. He instantly teleported away.

Two days. Johnny had been in a state of constant unease and panic for two days. Lui kept throwing evil glances and demonic cackles his way. He was going to go insane. He was going to completely lose his mind. He was going to 'gasp' turn into Alucard!

Then Johnny saw an extremely red Alucard walk by his door. He blinked, then realized that something had made Alucard blush. Johnny's jaw hit the floor, then he muttered, "I have now seen everything."

Seras was holding onto Walter to keep from falling over into the floor. Lui was literally rolling. Walter couldn't stop laughing. Had Alucard really just sang that?

"What's so funny?" Integra asked as she walked into the kitchen. Lui played back the recording for her. She stared at it in shock, then replayed it again. A smile crept across her lips, then it turned into a giggle. Soon she was leaning against the wall, laughing so hard she was crying. Then an evil thought occurred to her, "Walter, let's go to the toy store. I'm never going to let him live this one down..."

Alucard rose to his feet as someone knocked on the door, desperately trying to stop humming the infernal song, but it was firmly stuck in his mind. How had it got there? Where had he heard that bloody song at all?

He opened the door, and picked up a small package. Unwrapping it, it showed a small doll, with clothes that looked like his. And attached to it was a note saying 'Alucard Barbie'.

He tossed it away and shot it repeatedly with his Jackal and Cassul. He kept pulling the triggers, even after it was nothing but a molten puddle of goo. He was trembling. What had possessed him? What demon had placed that infernal song into his brain?

Alucard stayed in his room for an undeterminable amount of time, contemplating killing himself, just to stop the song from playing in his mind. But then it faded away, and he felt brave enough to go out again.

"Hey, Barbie boy comes out of his lair."

Lui felt six bullets fly by his head before Alucard slammed the door to his room shut again. Chuckling, Lui hoped Alucard realized that Lui was never going to stop pushing that particular nerve. But then the thought of Alucard singing put him on another train of thought. He smiled and knocked on Alucard's door. The elder vampire stuck his arm and head through the door, pointing his large pistol at Lui's head, "What do you want?"

"If you ever want me to stop calling you 'Barbie boy', you are going to come to my room."

Alucard slowly put away his pistol and phased into Lui's room after him. The younger vampire was sorting through some cds, and putting them into his multi-cd stereo changer. He looked down at Lui and asked, "What do you want."

"Listen."

A guitar began to play over the speakers, and then a drum joined in. The guitar went into a strong riff, then a voice began to sing the lyrics. Enter Sandman.

Alucard listened, and had to admit this wasn't bad. Then he looked at Lui, who kept glancing back and forth from Alucard, to the stereo, then back to Alucard. He stopped the song, then told Alucard,

"See how he was singing?" Alucard nodded, "Sing like that."

"What? You can't be serious."

"Very serious. Do you want to listen to it again?"

"Sure..." Alucard sighed.

After listening to the song a few times the whole way through, he began to test his voice, trying to make it sound as much like the singer as possible.

"Ready?"

Alucard shrugged, "Ready as I'll ever be."

Lui turned off the stereo and hooked up his guitar, and threw a microphone to the older vampire, "Sing into that, it'll make you sound louder."

Alucard sighed again as Lui began to play the song from the stereo. Alucard caught his foot tapping to the beat, then he began to sing. He wasn't trying at first, so he didn't sound very good. But after several impatient glances from Lui, and listening to him play, his blood began to flow faster. He started to get into and give it some effort. His deep voice was different from that of the other singer, but Lui found himself jamming to it better than any Metallica concert he had been to.

Then he switched another cd, "Let's take it to the next level. Rob Zombie! It's Dragula time!"

Seras walked slowly towards the music. She had heard it vaguely before, but that wasn't what was drawing her to it. There was something else familiar about it.

When she walked to Lui's room, she found the door open, and a sight she never thought she'd see.

Lui was on one side of the room, playing his guitar, and Alucard was on the other, singing. And the weird part was, it sounded really good!

Then they stopped, and Lui smiled, "Hey cutie, you play an instrument?"

"What? No, why-"

He shoved a large guitar into her hands, saying, "We need a base player."

She shrugged, saying, "Well, I actually did play when I was fifteen. It was the popular thing to do at school."

She began to strum the strings slowly, trying to remember. Her fingers protested the movements at first, but soon she felt it returning. Lui plugged it into an amp, and listened. As she played a song, he picked up the tune and began to play with her. After a little while they stopped, and Lui clapped his hands, "That was actually really good. How long did you play?"

"God, I don't know... Two years? I stopped before my senior year."

Lui whistled, "That's impressive. You've got a lot of natural talent Seras. Hmmm... Now that I think about it, I have a proposition for you. Let's make a band!"

The two other vampires stared at him.

"Come on! It'll be fun! We can make a cd and everything! I have guitar, Seras has base, my brother is good at drums, and Alucard has the vocals down! As long as we don't play anything other than metal we'll be good."

The two considered, then seeing the hopeful look in Lui's eyes, they agreed, "Alright. But what do we call ourselves?"

"Vampires of Hellsing?" Alucard suggested, saying the first thing that came to mind.

Lui pointed at him, "That sounds good. Let me go get my brother, and I'll ask Walter if there is a better place to practice than in the dungeon here..."

Lui opened the door of the basement, only to have a bucket full of water fall on his head. He sighed, and walked on. He should have seen that coming.

Then he heard a galloping coming down the hall at him. He looked, and there was Integra, riding one of the horses from before, crashing towards him like a freight train. She held a long wooden staff like a lance, and was riding down on him.

"Oh crap!"

Lui began to run the opposite direction as 'Sir' Integra tried to live up to her title. He nearly broke down the front door in his hurry to get out. Walter rode the other horse, videoing it all.

After what seemed like ten minutes, Lui stopped. He wasn't going to retreat another step. If Integra wanted to play knight, fine. They were going to play knight. Besides, she was trying to hit him with a stick, how bad could it hurt?

He had just turned around when it caught his square in the chest, knocking him a few feet back and lifting him completely off the ground. He couldn't breath. He felt his ribs crack. His only sign of life was the slight twitching.

"In the name of God, impure souls of the undead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen." Integra said, smirking at the fallen vampire, "Oh, I should have done that to Alucard years ago..."

Alright guys, chapter eleven! Ya! For those of you who are wondering what happened with Alucard, if you ever got your cd player to play the same song over and over, then fell asleep listening to it, you know what I was getting at (You can't stop singing it!). And as for the actual song... Hehehe... My little cousin provides so much inspiration...

And Omega Z, thanks for pointing that out. Just try and keep and mind that when I'm writing these it's normally 11o' clock- 1 in the morning, and half my blood consists of caffeine. So like, I know I'm making technical mistakes, and sorry if it detracts, but stay with me. I'll revise everything when I'm done.

Oh, and Hyami-Masaki get's a cookie for being the first to guess the song. Hyami, your cookie is in the mail. However, I was too cheap to pay for overnight shipping, and I have no idea where you live, so if you find a package with what appears to be a rock in it, rest assured it used to be your cookie.

Professor Curly, out.


	12. Rock On

1Chapter Twelve: Rock On

Integra was rarely ever at a loss for words. But when Lui had gathered up the other vampires (Once his ribs put themselves back into place of course), and then proposed their band idea...

She was at a loss for words. No profanities, no insults, definitely no 'it's a good idea's. She just sat there, cigar hanging in her mouth, not even lit yet. And thus, a silence continued for a good two minutes, until everyone not breathing in the room was very uncomfortable.

"Lui... I've been understanding so far haven't I?"

"Uh... I guess."

"I've let you have your little prank war, destroy much of my home, and you even got me to participate."

"Uh-huh."

"Now, care to explain to me why on earth I should LET YOU FORM A BAND!"

Lui shrugged, and suggested, "Because you like me so much?"

He had never been hit in the head with an ashtray before. But after the heavy object connected with his skull, he knew instantly 'The square root of two is 1.12343534235...'. Then his mind put things in order, and he found himself on the floor, holding his head. He then knew that he never wanted to give Integra any sarcastic suggestions again.

"Lui, no. I'm afraid I can't allow this one. We can't have you four making a racket while the soldiers, and I, are trying to sleep."

"Yet you let us kill each other while desperately trying to get a few laughs in each night?"

Lui cringed when Integra picked up some other object to fling at him, but she didn't. She just set her new weapon down, and said, "That doesn't cause much noise that we can hear. At least, those of us who want to sleep can get some sleep while you have your fun. But a band, honestly Lui, what purpose would that serve?"

"How 'bout this, we make a deal." Lui told her, getting to his feet, "Listen to us once. And if you don't like it, fine. We forget the entire thing."

"Fine. I'll listen to your screeching."

Lui smiled at the insult, "And how about we make a bet out of it?"

"What sort of bet?"

"If we lose, well, think of something you've wanted to do to me for a while."

"And if you win?"

Lui grinned mischievously, "If I win you have to wear nothing but dresses for an entire week. 'Sir' Integra."

Integra's eyebrow twitched, then she smiled, "You are going to regret this Lui. Your on."

Somehow the soldiers caught wind of the bet, and some had come out to see what would happen. Lui and Johnny set up the amps, instruments and stuff, while Alucard watched Seras practice playing. Integra merely stood by, smoking a cigar, thinking of horrible tortures to put Lui through.

Then it occurred to Lui how screwed he was. He looked over to Seras, who while was pretty good, probably didn't know any of the songs they were going to play. This called for drastic action.

"Seras." He said, getting her attention. She noted the uncomfortable smile on his face, "Do you know how to play any Rob Zombie songs?"

She shook her head.

"Marilyn Manson?" No "Ozzy Osborne?" No. Lui was almost begging her now, "Metallica?"

Seras realized what he was getting at, "Oh God."

Lui nearly fell down crying. He was so dead. His mind raced quickly for a song that she could learn in about ten minutes. Then one came to him, "Alucard, come here!"

The red clad vampire walked up, and asked, "What?"

"Listen."

Lui concentrated a moment, then they heard a song play around them. No speakers, no stereo to speak of, it was as if the music was coming from the air. It sounded just as good as any radio or stereo system the other vampires had heard.

"Alright Seras, hear the base?"

"Ya."

"Good, it just repeats that for a while. It goes like this." He showed her how to play it. Then he proceeded to outline the song, and got Alucard to memorize the words. This was going to be close.

After a few times through, Seras had it down pretty good. She felt confident enough.

Then they heard Integra's voice, "Stop delaying and get on with it. I have better things to do."

Lui nodded, then they walked over to the instruments. Seras on one side, Johnny in the middle and to the back at the drums, Lui on the other, and in front of Johnny was Alucard.

"Alright guys, Devil's Dance. You may want to start praying," Lui glanced at the now demonically smiling Integra, "Cause I sure am. Count it up bro."

After giving them a count to start, Seras and Johnny emmediatly went into action. A few seconds after they started, Lui began to play his part. They kept up the pattern for a while, then Lui let a single note ring out. He entered the main riff of the song, and prayed to God Integra liked it. Then Alucard began to sing the lyrics of the song.

The soldiers were shocked to hear the vampires, because they sounded good. Granted, sometimes there were mistakes, but the ones who could pick them out weren't actually listening to the song at all. And besides, they were all captivated by one question.

Was Alucard singing?

And indeed he was, and singing very well. They would have never thought. As the song continued the soldiers really got into it. Even Walter, who had come to see what the noise was about, caught himself nodding to the beat.

Only Integra stood motionless. She held her thoughts away, and never actually listened to the song at all. She was going to enjoy causing pain to Lui.

As the song ended, Alucard gave off one of his signature laughs, then the band went silent. The soldiers were whistling and cheering. They liked.

Then Integra told them with a sadistic grin, "Nice try Lui, but I'm not giving up my precious few hours of sleep to listen to that. No band."

However, the soldiers objected to this decision. They all advanced, yelling about how she was unfair and that she was just trying to ruin everyone's fun.

"I DO NOT HAVE TO ANSWER TO MY OWN SOLDIERS!" She yelled, but this silenced them only for a moment.

Walter walked up behind her, and put a hand on her shoulder, "Sir Integra, I'm afraid that you won't win this particular argument. I must say though, I found the music, though not my normal taste, quite agreeable. Why is it you don't want them to play?"

Integra sighed and yelled to Lui, "Fine, you have a band." Then she mumbled to Walter, "Stupid vampire bets... Start washing those old dresses Walter, it's going to be a long week."

The next night, Integra hesitantly stepped out of her room and began to walk to her old office (The original one had finally been repaired). She wore a comfortable white dress with a loose, matching shirt.

Suddenly a flash of light made her blink, then another. Lui stood there, taking pictures, yelling out things such as "Ah ya, give me depressed, sad. Oh now, angry, ya you're angry, you want to hit something. Yes yes! I'm loving it! Loving it! Come on Integra, give it feeling!"

He took pictures in rapid succession, while Seras held a video camera and handed the American new rolls of film when he ran out, storing the old ones safely in her pockets. She watched as Integra took out a gun and shot at Lui, who yelled, "Yes! Hold that pose! Angry, barbaric, yet at the same time sophisticated! It's beautiful!" He began to laugh insanely, almost like a mad scientist in old movies, "HAHAHA! I should have been a photographer!"

Then Integra shot him, square in the forehead, forcing the two vampires to retreat, Lui still laughing but holding his head in pain.

And so the week passed. Seven days, and every morning it was the same routine. Lui would wait for her to come out of her room, then bombard her with pictures. He was enjoying this too much for her tastes. Yet... It did feel rather nostalgic to be wearing dresses again.

"You look quite the proper lady Sir Integra." Walter commented one day.

But she was glad to be rid of the entire ordeal. When she slipped back into her old suit, she sighed in relief. When she walked to her office, no pictures. Were taken of her. She settled into her chair, and actually smiled to be doing paperwork.

Then she noticed Lui counting a large sum of money in the corner, and she asked him irritably, "What is all that?"

"Oh, I sold the pictures of you in the various dresses to your soldiers. They were willing to pay quite handsomely."

"You American dog..." Integra told him, between gritted teeth. Then she smiled and told him, "Oh yes, Anne Rice is suing you for copyright infringements. And Lestat called, he wants you back in his band now Lui."

"Ha, very funny Integra." He said, smiling back, "But lately I'm the one who's been wearing the pants in this relationship no?"

"Idiot."

"Ice queen."

"Swine."

"Cross-dresser."

"You little..." She choked out, and began to rapidly shoot at him. But he had already dissapeared into the wall, laughing.

Johnny was a total wreck. He hadn't slept in days, and had drank little. His brother's face haunted him, smiling, hinting at a coming doom. Ever since Lui had begun to give him those infernal looks, he had slowly begun to lose his sanity. He couldn't take it anymore. When his brother walked by, he ran to him, went down on his knees, and begged, "Please bro, just do it already! I can't take it anymore! I'm dying, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm afraid to come out of my room, just do whatever it is you are going to do and get it over with."

"Your talking about all of these looks I'm giving you aren't you?" Lui asked cooly.

Johnny nodded, and pleaded some more.

Lui smiled like Alucard and made as if to snap his fingers. Johnny tensed his body in preparation to receive whatever was coming.

Then Lui shrugged, and walked on saying, "Never mind. I got nothing. It was fun watching you squirm for a while though. I'm glad I watched that thing on the Military channel about psychological warfare."

Johnny was speechless. He could tell his brother was telling the truth. He felt a burden lifted, but also embarrassment and a lot of anger. He stood up, and yelled, "YOU PUNK! ALL THAT AND YOU DON'T EVEN DO ANYTHING?"

Lui nodded, yawning, "Yep. Get some sleep man, you look horrible."

Johnny thought about mauling his brother then and there, but lacked the strength. Instead he simply went into his room, closed the door, and collapsed on his coffin.

Alucard contemplated his blood packet, thinking about how to drink it. He smiled as he watched the red liquid flow back and forth in the plastic bag. He shook it up a little.

Lui ran down the hallway as fast as he could. He had no idea what was going to happen, but he suspected something was about to explode. He made it pretty far down the hall, but still the force of the blast blew the door to Alucard's room off the hinges, and knocked him down. He felt like he was back in WWII.

Seras had set herself securely, so wasn't moved by the blast much, and she laughed triumphantly. Alucard stumbled out of his room, limping and coughing.

"How did that taste Alucard?" Seras yelled to him.

"Police Girl, what was that?" He screamed at her, his facing beginning to reform.

"It's a new type of blood Master. It's about half human blood, and about half a liquid called nitroglycerin."

Lui looked up at her, stunned, "Wait, you just got me to go in and hand him a packet of nitro!"

"I told you be careful with it didn't I? That's for feeding me paint!"

Alright, Chapter twelve. Rock on. It really sucks not being able to post Lyrics of songs anymore...

So come on, I still could use some help with the pranks. And reviews, keep em' coming!


	13. Enter the Iscariot

1Chapter Thirteen: Enter the Iscariot (Darn)

Johnny, Seras, Lui, and Alucard walked down the deserted streets of London. They had talked Integra into giving them some much needed leave.

Of course, they had to convince Alucard to borrow some clothes from Lui. He looked quite the heavy metal fan in his new black outfit, and long hair. He still wore the yellow sunglasses though, and had his pistols about him somewhere.

"So what do you guys want to do? The night is young, and I am really bored." Lui asked.

"Surely there are some clubs on this accursed island. So how about it Seras," Johnny asked, "Know anyplace?"

"Not really. The only time I went to any sort of night club was normally a mission. I was a cop you know."

"Even police girls have lives Police Girl." Lui told her, taking Alucard's nickname for the young vampire.

Alucard grinned wickedly, "But of course, Police Girl was a good little Police Girl, weren't you Police Girl?"

Lui said it again, "Police Girl... You know, I now realize why you call her that so much Alucard. It's got a nice smooth feeling to it. What do you think Police Girl?"

Seras grabbed Lui by his shirt and pulled his face down so she could glare at him eye to eye, "I have a name you know."

Lui patted her head affectionately, "Of course you do cutie. But just cause you got a name don't mean we have to use it."

She tried to throw him to the ground, but instead he reversed it and she found herself walking beside him in a not-to-comfortable arm hold, which she couldn't get out of.

Then they ran strait into Alucard, who had stopped suddenly. Lui let go of Seras, and they looked around Alucard to try and figure out what had made him stop walking.

"What is it?" Seras asked him, seeing nothing.

Johnny and Lui exchanged a glance, then looked at Alucard's face. He was grinning his insane vampire grin, fangs and all. Something had peaked his attention.

Finally, after a few seconds of silence, the older vampire said, "He's here."

They looked, and approaching them through the fog was a man in a white coat. He had white-blond hair, and wore spectacles. A silver cross hung around his neck, and he held a book in his hands. A large scar was visible on his cheek. He was grinning at his luck.

"Paladin Alexander Anderson. Iscariot dog." Alucard greeted him, smile widening.

"Black demon of Hellsing. Abomination." Anderson replied, his grin also spreading further.

For a tense moment nothing happened. Then Lui asked, "So is this that Vatican guy you told us about? Section XIII or whatever?"

Seras nodded grimly, "Ya, that's him. He's as insane as Alucard."

"Hmmm, that sounds fun. Hey Vlad," Alucard glanced down at Lui in response to hearing his old name, "Mind if I go a round or two with him before he, you know, dies."

Alucard shrugged, his grin fading slightly, "Do as you wish. But if you kill him you have me to deal with Luis."

"Don't worry, I'm just going to mess with him a little."

"What is this vampire? I thought that Draculina there was the only other vampire in your midst. Or have you corrupted more innocent souls?"Anderson asked, readying himself to strike.

Lui stepped forward, smiling confidently as he entered a fighting stance, "Don't pretend to know anything about souls priest."

Anderson faltered for a second, then charged forward, drawing two bayonets out of his coat. He slashed in an X pattern. However, Lui dodged to the side, and drew the holy knight out into the middle of the street. Anderson tried a double stab, but Lui caught his arms, and twisted them into a painful arm lock.

"I'm disappointed. I though Iscariot had some of the best trained hunters in the world."

Anderson laughed, and twisted away, braking his own arms. However, he also managed to swing one of his blades at Lui's neck. Lui, surprised by this move, almost had his head cut off, but as it were he felt a deep gash form under his chin. There was a slight burning hiss.

As the two fighters healed, Lui began to crack his knuckles and get his joints loosened up, "I retract my previous statement. So I take it you regenerate minor wounds like that quickly."

The priest nodded, popping one of his elbows back into place, "Your lucky vampire. I won't miss again. I hope your ready to face judgement in the eyes of God!"

Lui took a step back in false surprise, "Wow, this guy is actually original. I mean, normally it's 'prepare to die, vampire', but I must say you have a way with words. I saywe put on some mood music."

Lui snapped his fingers, and a song came out of thin air, literally. Like before, it just seemed to appear from no where. Lui snapped his fingers again, switching the songs. He continued to do this until he stopped on a song that wasn't rock at all. It was a light hearted tune, consisting of drums, singing, and what could only be described as beeps. A few other instruments began to play as well.

"You like this priest? If you do I can get you the cd. 19-2000 by the Gorillaz, and that's spelled with a 'z'."

Anderson grimaced. What was this vampire getting at? And what in the world was this music? It was horrible! "I'll send you and your infernal songs to Hell demon!"

Lui gave off a taunt of mock fear, "Ooh, the big bad priest is going to get me with his garden tools."

Anderson gasped, startled by the sheer insolence of the vampire. Not even the other one was that disrespectful. He snarled, and threw his bayonets, charging.

Lui dodged the knives that flew by him, moving with the beat of the song. As Anderson approached,Lui gave him a rather rude hand sign. Anderson sliced at him, but missed again. The vampire began to weave back and forth between the paladin's attacks.

And Anderson would be darned if the vampire wasn't dancing now!

Indeed, Lui was doing a small dance to the music. He was smiling in a carefree manner, waving his arms back and forth slightly and making small hand motions. He was swaying, moving his weight from on foot to the other. Seras giggled a little, and Johnny and Alucard merely smiled. Alucard had to put his face in his hand at how much of a fool Lui was making out of Anderson.

Anderson watched the vampire in stunned silence. What on earth? Were they even fighting? After trying a few more times to hit Lui, Anderson appeared to give up.

"Tired already Anderson?" the American vampire taunted.

The paladin shrugged, then threw a knife at the group of onlookers. Johnny was caught off guard, and it hit him in the chest. He feel back, Seras and Alucard emmediatly tending to him.

Lui looked on in cold, numbed shock. The priest smiled insanely, "May God have mercy on your soul. Amen."

Then he noticed the music had stopped. Lui was shaking, his anger rising. He looked at Anderson over his sunglasses, revealing crimson eyes that burned with fury. Dark energy grew up around him.

"You just made the worst mistake of your life priest."

Suddenly the music came back, but this was so loud that Anderson had to clamp his hands to his ears to try and block it out. A loud bell sounded, then a guitar picked it up.

"Ask not for whom the bell tolls, for it tolls for thee." Lui quoted softly, and though the music was deafening, Anderson heard it clearly, "So says the reaper. I hope you like 'For Whom the Bell Tolls' priest. It's by Metallica. See, I hope you like it because it is likely to be the last thing you ever hear."

Anderson barely had time to move at all as Lui's arms became a blur. He pulled out all four of his pistols, and let loose a storm of bullets that would have put a minigun to shame. He fired so quick that the stream of silver was solid, and he drew it across Anderson like a sword.

The paladin felt the bullets cut into him, going through him like a blade. As the stream of projectiles was dragged over his body, he actually felt himself being cut in half.

The American stopped, bullet shells and empty clips in a pile around him. The music stopped with him. Then Lui holstered his weapons and ran over to his brother.

"Johnny, come on, talk to me man."

The younger vampire coughed, and smiled weakly. They had removed the blade, and the wound was healing. But it hurt like heck, "Give me some credit Lui, it takes more than a little knife to kill me."

Alucard left them and walked over to Anderson, who had 'pulled himself back together', "Well, he had no intention of actually fighting you. He told me he wasn't going to fight back against your attacks. But you brought this upon yourself Judas Priest. That was low, even for a Vatican dog like yourself."

The paladin smiled, "You would know all about being low wouldn't you you cursed son of Lucifer. I will kill you ,vampire of Hellsing, sometime or another. Perhaps tonight, perhaps not for twenty years, but you will die at my hands."

"Not tonight. I don't think I had all that much intention of fighting you, though it would have given me great pleasure to rip you to shreds. I was going to throw you into the ocean and make you swim back to your home, as my Master ordered. I give you one chance to run. After that my master said that you're mine!" Alucard told him, his fangs seemingly getting longer with the words, and his grin widening.

Lui walked up beside him, spinning a pistol lazily in one hand until he let it settle, pointed at the priest, "Don't be selfish Alucard. Surely you can give your guest some common courtesy."

Alucard laughed darkly, "Indeed. Well then Anderson, you have ten seconds to run or you are ours."

Lui's grin grew to match the older vampires, "Thank you Alucard."

Anderson felt a twinge of fear. The first in a long time. He knew that like this, weakened and outnumbered, he stood little chance of success. So he got to his feet, and summoned up his holy pages, drawing them about himself, "Till we meet again."

Then he was gone. Lui frowned, then looked at all the paper that was left behind. Feeling his normal self resurfacing, he tried to lighten the mood, "Man, look at all this crap. Hey Seras, you were a cop, how much of a littering fine would this be?"

Integra listened carefully. Then sighed and rubbed her forehead. She had gone to great lengths to negotiate a cease fire with the Iscariot after the Incognito incident. She had given orders so strict not even Alucard could twist his way around them. But now it seemed it was all for nothing, "So Anderson attacked you. Did you do anything to provoke him?"

Lui shrugged, "I was taunting him a little, but that was after he nearly severed my head from the rest of my body."

Walter walked into the office, a phone in hand, "Sir Integra, it's Enrico Maxwell. He wishes to speak with you."

Integra nodded, and picked up her office phone, "Hello? Yes, it's Sir Integra. Your sorry about Anderson's behavior? Sorry, I need more than that. I've kept my servant on a leash, you keep your servant on one as well. Wait, where are you Maxwell? Your kidding," Integra put the phone to her shoulder so he couldn't hear what she said to the rest of the room, "The idiot is in England!". Then a smile played across her lips. She winked at the people in the room, then put the phone back to her ear, "Maxwell, I'm not going to ask why you violated our treaty and came here, but I will give you a chance to explain yourself in person. Where are you staying? No, that won't do. I suggest you come here and stay. Alright, we'll expect you then."

Lui was in shock, "Did he just agree to do what I think he just agreed to do?"

Integra smiled wickedly, "Walter, prepare some of the guest rooms. We are going to have company."

Walter bowed slightly and set off to do as ordered. Johnny and Lui were still confused. Johnny asked, "Why would he agree to come here? I mean, that Anderson guy must have told him there are not only Seras and Alucard, but me and Lui here as well. Isn't that guy super against the undead in general?"

Integra pushed her glasses further up her nose, "Well, let's just say Enrico has a bit of a... Crush on me. He's been trying to charm me ever since we first met. He probably thinks I'm finally falling for him. You four better get to the basement, they'll be here shortly. Oh, Lui."

The American stopped as his companions walked on. He looked at Integra, eyebrows raised, "What is it?"

"Make them fear the name Hellsing."

Lui smiled slowly, "Please, be more specific Integra dear."

"I want you to torment Enrico and whoever he brings with him until he leaves England and never comes back. Do whatever you want, he's on our turf now. Just don't hurt him to bad, nothing that could be taken as a strict attack."

Lui looked at her over his sunglasses, face full of mischievous evil, "One favor."

"What?" Integra asked. She was in too good a mood to be brought down by Lui's 'favors'.

"Don't worry, nothing that involves you personally. I'll tell you later. If you find my performance satisfactory, then I don't think you'll have any problems with it. However, there is an idea in my mind that you might not like too much."

"What's that?" Integra asked, her smile disappearing a little.

"Let us do a small, presentation shall we say, out in the main hall. The band I mean. Let us practice out there. I want to see how the idiot reacts to the first undead heavy metal band. Oh, and if you wouldn't mind..."

"Mind what?"

"Make yourself lady like. No malice intended, no pictures, though I will tape it. Dress, makeup, perfume, all that good stuff."

"Why would I want to that?"

"This Maxwell guy has the hots for you right?" She nodded, "Make it seem like you are finally falling for him. You don't have to kiss him or anything, but be romantic. Say you want to discuss things, take him to a candle lit room, and have Walter serve something. But be sure there's wine."

"Wine?" She asked, her interest beginning to grow.

"Wine. Whatever you want to serve as long as it has alcohol. If it were me, sharing a drink with the woman who I lust after would be about as good as it could get. Anyway, drag it out, and see if you can't get him drunk."

She laughed out loud. The thought of Enrico drunk was truly amusing.

"I'll get someone to video tape it. And at the end of whenever he decides to leave, blackmail him with it. He is a priest after all. I'm sure the Vatican will be quite upset to learn he was getting drunk with the leader of the rival organization. And as an extra plus, we get to see how many other vows we can get him to brake. People tend to lose their better judgement when drunk. Oh, one more thing."

Integra was too pleased with the prospect of blackmailing Maxwell to refuse him, "Name it."

"If that Anderson guy comes, tell Walter to get a coffin in the room next to his, and board up the windows in that room. I want to be beside him."

"Alright. Go tell Walter, do what you have to. But hurry, they should be here in ten minutes."

Enrico straitened out his clothes as he walked towards the front door. Anderson walked beside him, sulking.

"Father, I don't see why I had to come-"

"Because you idiot, you almost broke the treaty. I hate to admit it, but that incident a while ago with the vampire named Incognito showed that we need Hellsing for now. You're the one who told me thatwe couldn't stand up to something that evil, with that much dark power."

Anderson went silent, crossed his arms, then sulked some more. Enrico cleared his throat as they walked up to the front door, and rang the bell. Walter opened the door, and let them in.

They took three steps and stopped.

The Vampires of Hellsing were playing in the main hall. Alucard was in his red suit, Lui and Johnny were in their black uniforms, and Seras was in an outfit similar to her normal uniform but all black and sporting a coat like the American's.

They were playing a very heavy song, and Alucard was singing,

"The light fades from the world,

The moon rises in the sky,

Monsters rise from their hiding,

Time for mortals to die..."

"Feeding time has just begun,

And it's just you and me.

You are now in my grasp,

Let the blood flow free!"

Alucard began to laugh as Lui went into a screeching guitar solo.

"Mary mother of God." Enrico exclaimed, and both men crossed themselves. Their eyes were wide. What in the world was this?

Lui finished the solo, and Alucard began to sing again,

"Now rises the cursed sun,

And you look at the crimson sea,

But just wait until the night,

The blood will flow free!"

The song ended, leaving the two priests shivering, praying, and speechless. They had gotten in over their heads.

"They're good aren't they?"

Enrico turned, and his jaw nearly hit the floor.

Integra stood at the top of the stairs in a fairly tight dress, which hugged her features nicely. Her hair was carefully done, and Enrico felt sure she was wearing perfume. "Enrico, if you would accompany me, perhaps we can settle this matter tonight. Walter has prepared rooms for you and Father Anderson. Lui, if you would show your temporary neighbor to his room. Enrico."

Enrico followed Integra, dazed slightly. What was going on? What deed had he done for God to favor him like this?

Anderson merely stared, unsure what on earth he had done for God to punish him like this.

Lui walked up to him, smiling innocently, "Hey, looks like we're going to be rooming next to each other for a while. How about we forget about earlier and just be friends?"

"Don't count on it vampire."

Ha! Cliffhanger! So let the battle with the Iscariot begin...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, and sorry if I make Enrico act different than he actually is. This is just the impression I got of him.

And how do you like the song? I actually wrote it. There's more, I'll post the rest of it later if you want me too. I have a whole list of song the 'Vampires of Hellsing' are going to torment Maxwell and Anderson with.

Hehehehe... Prepare to squirm Maxwell...


	14. Enter the Iscariot pt 2

1Chapter Fourteen: Enter the Iscariot (Darn) Part II

Maxwell's face was flushed slightly. He had been drinking wine (Strong wine at that) for the better part of the last half hour. He was hesitant about indulging himself with the alcoholic beverage for a while, but after some prodding from Integra, he had relented. And now he had almost completely succumb to it's effects.

"So Integra..." Maxwell began. Integra had seen people drunk before, and she knew he was very much under the influence, but he had managed to keep his voice clear of any slurring or distortions. Amazing, "We still haven't decided what to do about Anderson..."

Integra smiled back, pretending she too was drunk. Any sober person could tell she was faking it, but Maxwell was far from sober at that point, and didn't notice, "Anderson doesn't matter. I say let him and Alucard kill each other."

"Splendid idea." he mumbled, then he slumped forward. For a moment Integra thought he had passed out, but he shot back up, wavering slightly, "Alright, I have officially drank to much of... This... And I don't care..."

Integra giggled slightly as he seemingly trailed off one train of thought to another, "I don't know Enrico, I think you can take some more."

"You bet your pretty little Protestant behind I can take some more. I am going to drink until I forget all about Iscariot and Anderson, and all of the other freaks they send to me to deal with. And then Integra..."

Seras and Johnny nearly gasped at what he said next. He began to describe exactly what he had in mind for himself and Integra, in very profane and graphic language. Integra's jaw dropped, and her cheeks blushed. With every sentence she turned a deeper shade of red.

"And then we can go back to Rome together, and..." He never finished, much to the relief of those in the room. He finally slumped out of his chair, falling to the floor into and awkward position. He was snoring softly.

Seras and Johnny walked out of the shadows in complete shock. In his mind Johnny reviewed what they had got him to do that evening/morning/whenever it was. Drink, smoke, curse, insult the Pope (Twice. Apparently deep down Enrico had a very... Distinct dislike of the Pope Hat.), reveal his love of the movie Bruce Almighty (Johnny was sure that was a sin somewhere), eat pork, complement Integra in rather vulgar ways about her looks, various other things, and finally that last little outburst. Johnny shook his head as he turned the camera off.

"I was in the navy for two years, and I can tell you, sailors would blush in shame at some of that stuff. And for a virgin the guy has quite an imagination. Unless..." The American glanced at Seras, who slowly looked back at him, "I really don't want to taste his blood and check do you?"

Seras quickly shook her head. She was disturbed. Very disturbed. She reminded herself why she had never gotten drunk in her life.

Alucard slowly walked from the shadows. His face looked very human. In fact, the most human that any of them had seen. His face was locked into a look of stunned surprise, and he held his glasses in his hand, "I think Anderson would agree to shake my hand and join us if he ever heard that little 'confession'."

Then after the initial shock passed, they slowly began to smile. The smiles turned to giggles, which turned to chuckles, which turned to laughter, which turned to them holding their stomachs and bracing themselves to keep from falling over.

"I'm going to write that one down," Johnny told them, pulling a piece of paper and a pen out of his pocket, "Pope's hat... That's hilarious."

Seras and Integra were holding onto to each other, laughing, "I thought you were going to die there at the end."

"I thought I was going to faint." Integra told them, taking off her glasses to put her face in her other hand. She looked down at the sleeping Enrico, "God may forgive you Maxwell, but I doubt the Vatican will. Oh, it will be worth every comment he made to see him squirm when we show this to him. Johnny, go and make as many copies of that as you can."

Johnny nodded, and walked to the door. As he left, he yelled to Walter, "Mission successful, you may want to help the collect the priest and put him in his room. Pope's hat..."

Anderson was in his room, trying to fall asleep. Which was difficult considering the noise coming from next door. His eyes were bloodshot, and he was desperately trying to calm himself. That infernal vampire and his music!

Finally he got out of bed, pulled on his coat, and walked to the room next to him. Knocking on the door, he tried to compose himself.

Lui opened the door, smiling innocently, "Hey! Come to apologize to me?"

"Could you, turn down, the, music?" Anderson gritted out between his teeth.

"Oh, are you trying to sleep?" Anderson nodded angrily, "Sorry about that, I didn't think you could hear it."

Anderson walked back to his room, collapsing onto the bed. Ah... Silence.

Until a new song started playing, and could have sworn it was louder!

Stomping over, he nearly bashed the door in when he knocked. Opening it, same smile as before, Lui asked brightly, "Hiya neighbor! How you doing this fine morning?"

"Turn-the-music-down."

Lui looked at him, a look of shock on his face, "But I did turn it down."

"Then turn it down some more vampire! It's not like it needs to be loud for you to hear it!"

Lui shrugged and closed his door again. Anderson sighed and began to walk what seemed like miles back his room. He hadn't even opened his door when the music came back, throbbing in his ears now. He roared in anger, and ran to Lui's door. Kicking it in, he rushed Lui with two bayonets, trying a double overhead slice.

Lui seemed to have been expecting this, and blocked it with a weapon of his own. Throwing the paladin off a little, the vampire spun his weapon around in his hands, then stopped, showing what it was. An old musket, with a bayonet attached to the end.

Turning the music off, Lui asked, "Come by for a cup of sugar?"

"I'm going to enjoy sending you to Hell vampire!"

"And what makes you think that I'll go to Hell when I die a final time?" Liu asked cooly.

"Like God would allow a demon like you into heaven!"

"Isn't there a saying 'God forgives all'? Believe me when I say, I've had a lot more time to contemplate this than you. And I do not believe that my soul is cursed merely because of what I am."

Anderson looked at him, confused, "What do you mean you've thought about this?"

Lui laughed, "Well, now that I have your attention. I'm going to give you, most vampires now-a-days are little more than minions of evil, and probably deserve the justice you give. But don't you think that some of us are different? Don't you think that those who give it thought realize that God's wrath hangs above our heads on a very thin thread? You are the perfect example of that."

Anderson lowered his guard slightly, and began to listen. Then it occurred to him that he was likely listening to a serpent, tempting him to take a bite of the forbidden fruit. He shrugged the thought off.

"I have killed man and vampire, I admit. I feel remorse, guilt, and I ask the same God you do for forgiveness."

"God can forgive man, not monsters."

"Well then, I guess you're as screwed as I am aren't you?"

Anderson, insulted, rushed the vampire. He tried to decapitate Lui, but the vampire dodged one of the blades and blocked the other with his rifle. The American then twirled his weapon to through Anderson off balance, and then stabbed.

The paladin looked in horror at the blade that was little more than an inch from his eye. Lui was smiling in a satisfied way, "I was going muzzle to muzzle with red coats in 1778 Anderson. I've been bayonet fighting since before your great, great, great, great grandfather was born. Don't underestimate me, I was merely toying with you before."

"So then vampire, why don't you attack?"

"Because, that would make Integra mad. And then she'll sick Seras on me."

"Seras? The Draculina? Why are you worried about her?"

Lui shuddered, "You don't want to know."

Anderson ducked below the rifle, and brought his blades together in a scissor cut at Lui's knees. However, Lui jumped over it, and the butt of his rifle caught Anderson on top of the head. Dazed slightly, Anderson backed off. Indeed, this vampire was a worthy opponent.

"I take it there was something behind that comment about me being a monster?" Anderson asked, stalling to give himself time to accurately judge his enemy.

"Well, you broke your own arms to try and cut off my head. Not a normal thing people tend to do."

"True, but that doesn't make me a monster."

"Then what does make a monster?"

Anderson and Lui exchanged a flurry of attacks, and much to Lui's surprise he found himself holding the bayonet portion of his rifle in front of his neck, with Anderson's blades pressing down on it, "I don't slaughter innocents for pleasure."

Lui's face became sad, "I beg to differ."

Anderson backed off, "What are you saying?"

"You may not have personally, but members of your little group did indeed slaughter innocents. I don't know if they used the name 'Iscariot', but there were hunters from the Vatican. They killed my mother, my father, and my two sisters, who were no more than five at the time. Because I told them my name, and then didn't kill them. I show mercy, and they kill my family. Does that sound familiar to you?"

Anderson stopped. Lui looked serious, and Anderson doubted the vampire was lying. He shrugged, saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sure God had mercy on their souls. But that doesn't change the fact you are a monster that my duty is to destroy."

"What if I told you that I haven't taken a human life for blood my entire existence?"

Anderson looked doubtful, "I'm sure."

"My master was quite adamant about it. I don't drain an entire person. I take small amounts from several different people. Or at least, until humans started doing it for me."

"What do you mean?"

"Medical blood you idiot. How do you think Alucard and Seras stay alive? Do you think Integra brings in a fresh person each night?"

Anderson almost hit himself in the head for not realizing that one. So that's how the vampires had slipped under the radar so easily. "Wait, that black devil taught you to feed without killing?"

"Alucard? Wait, you think Alucard is my master?"

Anderson wasn't amused by Lui's laughter, "What so funny?"

"Fledglings can only be virgins of the opposite gender of the vampire. It's weird, but that's how it works. My master is in America somewhere."

"I'll make note of that."

"Don't bother going after her. Alucard will play with you, that's how you've stayed alive, no disrespect to your skills. But she doesn't take kindly to hunters coming after her. If you ever found her at all, you have a great likely hood of ending up in a mental institution with and irrational fear of... everything."

Anderson shrugged. He doubted that last part. He had listened to the vampire, and was going to contemplate his words and ask God for guidance on it later. Some of it seemed to make a lot of sense. Now however, he readied his weapons, saying, "I must say, you have several good points. However vampire, I'm still going to fight you now."

Lui nodded, then readied his rifle, "I expected that. Come on paladin, show me what they teach you in those monasteries!"

They were about to engage in fighting again when there was a knock at the door, "Lui?"

They both hid their weapons quickly behind them as Integra walked into the room. Her eyes went wide when she saw Lui and Anderson in the room together. Her eyes narrowed, "What's going on?"

Lui used his free hand to pat Anderson on the shoulder, faking a smile, "Just having a friendly chat."

Anderson forced a smile as well, "Ya, a friendly chat. I think I'll be going to bed soon though."

"You had better." Integra warned, meaning they had better not fight anymore.

Lui sighed in relief, "That was close. It hurts when she hits you in the head with an ashtray."

"What's your name vampire?

Lui smiled, "Luis. Luis Thomson. But everyone calls me Lui."

"Well Lui, you are the most extraordinary vampire I have ever met."

"Did you ever talk to any others before stabbing them in the face?"

"No." Anderson admitted.

"Didn't think so. Go to sleep Anderson, I do believe you'll be needing it later."

As Anderson walked back to his room, he turned. "Was that a threat vampire?

Lui began to laugh insanely. Anderson didn't like it, and got back into his room quickly. Lui nodded to himself, satisfied. Two things done. One, he had finally finished that stupid assignment his master had given him to make contact with an Iscariot member, and try to convince them not all vampires are bad. And two, he had successfully freaked out Anderson with his new laugh.

He smiled, turned all the speakers in the room all the way up, locked the door to the room, and took his time picking a song. He decided on one he was sure that Anderson was going to love.

He pressed play, and quickly phased out of the room. He loved this song. But he doubted the priest would share the feeling. What was the song you ask?

Why, it was Black Sabbath, by Black Sabbath. Lui chuckled. Anderson would be freaking out about, now.

The next evening, Enrico awoke. His head was throbbing. What on earth had happened?

He remembered... Then it hit him. Everything up to the point he followed Integra into a dining room.

A butler walked in, smiling, "Master Maxwell, it is good to see that you are awake."

Rubbing his head, Enrico asked him, "What happened?"

"Oh, after talking with Integra it seems that your weariness got the best of you and on your way up the stairs you took a rather bad fall. You will be fine I think though."

Well, that explained the headache and why he didn't remember much. He got up, still in the clothes from the day before, and stretched. Walter have him a cup of tea and an aspirin, which helped his head considerably. Then with a bow, walked off.

Enrico changed into some clean clothes, and walked out of his room. He saw Integra, and gave a small wave.

Integra had to stifle a giggle, and quickly walked off. He sighed. Of all the people he had to fall down a flight of stairs in front of.

In the main hall, he watched as two younger people, a guy and a girl, walked by. They burst into laughter after he walked by. This made him frown. How many people had he fallen down the infernal steps in front of? And had it really been that funny?

Finally, he saw someone who didn't laugh at him. In fact, Anderson looked about ready to kill someone.

"Demon from hell. The vampire kept me up half the night with his infernal demonic music. And now that little witch Hellsing is demanding I pay for the stupid door! It's not my fault he locked it!"

Enrico shook his head. His headache was returning quickly, "Not now Anderson, just pay her and get on with it. I nearly cracked my head trying to get up the stairs last night and I don't have the ability to deal with you yelling at me."

Anderson shrugged, "I still say we just leave now. Oh, I figured out how the vampires have been evading us for so long."

Suddenly Anderson feet himself being lifted. He looked down, and saw he stood now on what some children at the orphanage called a 'skateboard'. How had it?

Then he saw Alucard appear, a sadistic grin on his face, "Have fun you Vatican dog!"

Alucard gave Anderson a mighty shove, sending him down the hallway at an incredible speed. Anderson desperately leaned back and forth to keep his balance. Then he looked at the gauntlet of furniture that had been placed before him. He screamed as he rocketed through the objects, quickly leaning to dodge them, then he figured out he could steer like this. While still wobbly, he felt slightly confident now. Using his vampire hunter reflexes and balance, he made easy work out of the obstacle course.

Then down the hall he saw Lui leaning against the wall, beside a window. And there was a small ramp that had been placed there.

Realizing what was about to happen, Anderson's eyes went wide and he screamed, "Mary mother of God!"

He hit the ramp, and sailed through the air. As he went by, Lui grabbed the skate board out from under his feet, then smiled.

They had placed a trampoline where they thought he would land. If he landed on it, his forward momentum would carry him onward when he bounced, and land him in a kiddie pool full of ketchup.

As it was, they were off by a few feet, and he just hit the ground. He lay there on his stomach for a while, until Johnny walked forward, and sighed.

"Darn it, physics never was my strong point." Then, not wanting the ketchup to go to waste, he picked up the kiddie pool and poured it onto the fallen paladin. He shook it to make sure most of it got out, then tossed it aside, and walked away.

Enrico was still in a state of shock from what had just happened. He looked in horror at Alucard, who said, "Did you get that Luis? I hope you did, because I never want to forget this moment. Oh, and have a nice evening Enrico Maxwell. I'm sorry to hear about you...hitting your head.", Then Alucard began to laugh.

That laugh did a lot to unnerve the priest. In fact, he would have left then and there if Integra hadn't called out to him, "Enrico, if you would come to my office please."

He eyed her suspiciously as she closed the door and motioned for him to sit. Lui pulled the curtains over the windows, and Integra turned off the lights, saying, "I want you to watch this."

Maxwell glared at her when he saw who the video was of. Then he watched in horror as he slowly got drunk on the film.

"God forgive me."

"God is the least of your problems now brother." Lui told him.

Enrico was praying incomprehensibly when he heard the second comment about the Pope. And he was nearly crying by the end of it.

Integra stopped the tape and turned the lights on. Lui put a hand on the man's shoulder, "I didn't know priests had dirty thoughts like that. Learn something new every day I guess."

"Well Maxwell, what do you have to say for yourself?" Integra asked, smiling.

"You English sow! You had this planned the entire time!" He yelled at her, suddenly enraged.

Lui raised his hand, "Actually, I had this planned the entire time."

Enrico glared at both of them, "Why?"

Integra chuckled then explained, "Enrico, you've been quite an annoyance over the years. If you never want the Pope to see this video, you are going to leave England and let Hellsing handle Hellsing's problems. Because I don't think his holiness would like to hear that comment about his hat."

Lui grabbed the stunned, terrified man, and carried him out into the hall. He set him down on a skateboard, and said, "Adios, or whatever goodbye is in Latin!" He told him sweetly, then gave him a hearty shove.

Enrico screamed like a little girl.

"Oh, and keep the board!" Lui yelled as he flew out the window, "A gift from me to you!"

Enrico was sure he was going to die. Positive of it. Until he landed on something soft, albeit squishy. He looked, and saw he had landed on Anderson. And both were covered in ketchup.

The paladin nearly threw his superior off his back. Then they noticed that a rather cute blond, a tall man in a red coat, and a young American were standing in front of a crowd of 4 dozen soldiers. All held strange new weapons.

Lui and Integra walked out, also holding the new guns. Integra went and stood beside Seras, and Lui started to address the crowd, "Alright boys and girls, it's time to test out these new paintball guns! Today's game is called, shoot the silly Catholics! I believe you all already know the rules. Lock and load!"

The two Catholic's eyes got real big as they watched the crowd prepare the weapons to fire. They slowly got to their feet, and suddenly found themselves staring down an awful lot of barrels.

"God help us."

Alright. Sorry if Anderson was a little out of character, but I think he would listen if Lui started saying things like that. After all, that's not something vampires say everyday. And if your wondering why I made Lui like that, I'm trying out a new idea on vampires. Tell me if you like it.

Oh, no offense to any Catholics. I have nothing against the Pope, old or new, and nothing against Catholic's in general.

Hehehehehe... I bet your wondering what Enrico said about the Pope hat aren't you?

I'll never tell, muahahahahaha!


	15. Nightmare

1Chapter Fifteen: Nightmare

_**Alucard's laughter was all around him. He heard desperate cries for help from people, and ran to them. **_

_**Lui was wearing his black uniform, two pistols held in his hands. He was running to the voices, as fast as he could. **_

_**He found himself in a clearing (He was in a forest?), and their stood Alucard, grinning insanely. Johnny and Seras were on the ground, tied up and screaming. The red clad vampire held another person by the neck off the ground. A woman, with long brown hair and red eyes that were filled with fear. Her skin was rather dark for a full blooded vampires, and her clothes were loose. She struggled desperately in Alucard's grip.**_

"_**MASTER!" Lui cried, running forward, firing his pistols.**_

_**The bullets cut off Alucard's arm, and freed his victim. However, the elder vampire turned towards him, and the grin didn't fade a bit. **_

"_**Ah Luis. So glad you could join us. Your just in time for the first course."**_

"_**Why are you doing this Alucard?" Lui asked, getting ready to fight the elder vampire.**_

_**However, Lui could only watch in horror as Alucard, well for lack of better term melted. The black shadow spread out, eyes and mouths appearing in the shadows as they slithered towards Lui. **_

_**And at the center of it all stood a large black dog, with who knew how many eyes. It was grinning, and Lui could see Alucard's face in the hell-hound's.**_

_**He ran forward, dodging the various tendrils of shadow that shot towards him. However, as he neared the hell-hound, it did something unexpected. An arm shot out of it's side, holding a large black pistol, which shot Lui. The American fell backwards.**_

"_**Come on! Come on! Come on Luis! Don't disappoint me now! Fight me!"**_

_**However, Lui couldn't move. He felt shadows wrap around his arms and legs. He struggled, but to no avail.**_

_**Alucard appeared in front of him, frowning, "Pathetic. You aren't worth my full power. My pet's will feast on your flesh and blood."**_

_**A pack of hell-hounds appeared, dashing towards Lui. Alucard's grin returned.**_

"_**You're nothing but dog food."**_

"_**You only wish it was that easy ALUCARD!"**_

_**Red and black shadows erupted from Lui, incinerating Alucard and all of his monsters.**_

Alucard phased into the younger vampire's room, yelling, "What the Hell is going on Luis?"

Then Alucard noticed the crimson light filtering in from the cracks of the coffin. He only just managed to step back when the coffin burst apart, and something launched itself out of it.

It was a horse, but larger than any natural one. It was coal black, with a fiery mane and six red eyes. The tail was also flame. Yet instead of heat, the flames were cold. Freezing cold. Alucard felt it grip his heart, paralyzing him. The monster looked down on him, and he felt a mix of relief, anger, and hatred come from it.

Suddenly the door burst open, Johnny and Seras running in. The horse turned to them, neighing and jumping up defensively at their approach.

Alucard felt he could move again. He slowly motioned to the two vampires, who held weapons in their hands, "Put down your arms, slowly, and raise your hands into the air. Then Seras, try and calm it down."

"What?" Seras asked, looking at her master in horror, "Why me?"

"Because. "Johnny said, setting his sword on the ground and stepping back, "You're the youngest and most innocent. It won't be as frightened of you."

Seras saw she didn't have a say in it, so complied with them. She put down her pistol, and slowly approached the horse, which drew back and began to pace slowly.

"Shhh, your ok. My, you're a big, flaming, demon horse aren't you?" Seras said, trying to hide her fear and sound soothing, but failing miserably. The horse went up on it's hind legs, and was ready to come down and crush her. She fell backwards, screaming and holding her arms up defensively.

That made the horse stop, and land harmlessly to her side. It looked sad, and nudged her gently. She looked up slowly, and smiled when she saw the concern in it's eight eyes. She slowly, gently put her hand on it's face and said, "There, I'm not trying to hurt you."

Then much to everyone(but Alucard, who realized what was happening)'s surprise, the horse dissapeared. Seras was looking at Lui, with her hand gently placed on his cheek. He was on one knee, as if he was making sure she wasn't hurt.

Lui jerked back, and looked around him. For the first time they thought they saw fear in his eyes, and surprise. He looked like he had no idea what was going on.

He cried out in pain, and phased from the room. Alucard immediately started after him, yelling, "Get Integra and Walter! Now!"

Seras and Johnny dashed from the room, quick to follow the master vampire's orders. Alucard smiled grimly as he phased after Lui. This was going to be an interesting day. At least it was about to storm, the thick clouds would make this easier.

Walter was serving Sir Integra her afternoon tea, when two young vampires ran into the room. Walter raised his eyebrows at their appearance, and at Seras being in a nightgown. Both looked extremely scared.

"What in the world?"

"It's Lui, something's wrong with him. Alucard told us to come get you."

Walter and Integra ran after the two vampires, all else forgotten. Seras and Johnny lead them out of the mansion and towards where they sensed the two older vampires. Out on the grounds, a large open area, there was a large hill. And on top of it were Alucard and Lui.

Alucard was keeping a fair distance, which was odd. He motioned to them as they reached the bottom of the hill, "Don't come any closer unless I tell you to!"

They stopped instantly, even Integra. There was urgency and a little bit of fear in his voice. They watched as he turned back to Lui, who was holding his head.

"Luis..."

"Alucard? Vladimir?" Lui asked, looking around blindly, "I can't see you. Where am I? What's going on?"

Alucard nodded to himself, that was normal, "Don't try and fight it Luis. You'll only make things wor-"

A wave of energy caught Alucard off guard and sent him sprawling down the hill. Seras began to run to him, but he yelled, "He'll kill you if you come closer!"

"Alucard... What's going on!" Lui cried, his body locking and making him fall to the ground. He writhed in the pain that ripped through his body. He hadn't felt pain like this since...

Then another wave of pain stopped the train of thought. Pain, incredible pain, agony. He tried to make it stop, to stop it from ripping him apart.

"Let it happen Luis! If you don't it will just happen again, and then it will be worse than now!"

Lui managed to struggle to his feet. Then with another cry he dissapeared, the flaming horse taking his place. It glared at Alucard, and charged forward full speed. The flames burned wildly, but once again, no heat. Only cold. Freezing, heart stopping cold. Cold like when you realize that you about to die a very horrible death cold.

Alucard stood, slightly crouched as the horse approached, diving out of the way as it tried to trample him. Alucard rolled to his feet, only to see the horse coming at him again. It was fast. Faster than him. The elder vampire braced his body.

He had never felt something hit him so hard as when the demon horse careened into him. He felt ice cold hooves trample over his body, and bones braking. He was on his feet again in a second though.

The horse turned into Lui, and they saw him running as fast as he could but quickly losing his balance and falling to the ground. He twitched uncontrollably, as if there was an electric current was running through his body.

"He's fighting it..." Alucard muttered, followed by a curse in some forgotten language. He looked at the American, then smiled grimly. It had been just as bad when Alucard went through this, "But, it's taken him a long time. And that thing is very powerful..."

Lui waved his hand around, sending out his telepathic powers. He was trying to find something, anything, everything that would make this stop. But it didn't work, every time he thought he felt a presence something blocked him off. He couldn't see, he couldn't hear anymore, and now his telepathy was completely useless. Such torture, being so alone... Lui felt himself struggle against it, but to no avail.

Then something broke through the black barrier around him. He heard a voice that sounded so dang angelic he thought he had died and gone to heaven. He heard the voice calling, as if it were far away, so quiet, but relief swept through him when he heard a simple question,

_Lui?-_

The American poured all the power he had towards that voice, as if it were going to flutter away in the wind. Which for all he knew, it just might.

_Seras? Please tell me that it's you-_

_It's me, what's wrong?-_

_I don't-_

The link shattered, and Seras was almost thrown back from the sudden cut. It was like a rubber band had snapped. She looked, and saw only a red and black blur. Alucard stood ready, and dodged the first pass, but it came back again far to fast for him to turn. He took a step forward from the force of the blow, then another on his side. He could win, but he didn't want to hurt Lui.

He went down on one knee, considering he was sure that his leg had just snapped. He shrugged it off though. Physical wounds weren't what worried him anymore.

Seras didn't see it that way. She saw her master go down on one knee, grimacing heavily. Blood was pouring from various wounds. She looked to Johnny, who was desperately trying to figure out what was happening. Walter and Integra just stared, they had no idea what they were seeing. Seras didn't think. She saw what she thought was her master in trouble, and her friend freaking out.

She ran forward, getting between the horse and Alucard, and yelled "Stop it Lui!"

Seras sent mind spear at that moment, penetrating the dark shell that had surrounded Lui. Her eyes suddenly weren't seeing the real world anymore.

She looked around at the darkness around her. Pictures hung in mid air, and movies seemed to appear from nowhere. She walked up to one, and heard laughter. She watched as what appeared to be a camera followed behind someone running she didn't recognize, then look back. There stood a furious woman, who was waving her fist threateningly.

"I think we may have finally broken her patience that time Lui!" The man in front of the camera said.

"I do believe we did." She heard Lui's voice say, the picture going up and down as if the camera was nodding.

Then it clicked. This wasn't a movie, it was a memory! Seras turned, and saw another one. It was the moon, and some humming. That was Lui. Then a small voice asked from behind him, "Mister Luis?"

A small girl in a frilly white dress appeared. She looked shy, and shifted like small children do, "What is it Rebecca?"

"Um, can I ask you a personal question?"

"As you wish." Lui's voice said, turning back to the moon.

"Why are your eyes red? Are you sick? And why does mommy not want me to be around you much?"

Lui sighed. Suddenly Seras got a feeling of both adoration and sadness from the memory. He turned back to the girl, asking, "Remember how I told you that your father was killed by bad things?"

The girl nodded slowly.

"I am one of those bad things."

The girl looked at him, confused, "But, you're too nice to be a bad thing."

Seras shuddered as a warm feeling spread through her body. She was feeling what Lui had been feeling. He had really adored this little girl, "Thank you for saying so, but that doesn't change what I am. Some of the others like me aren't very nice though. They didn't like your father. I tried to stop them, but..." He trailed off, looking out. Regret. He was feeling regret now, "I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. Now I'm here to make sure nothing happens to you or your mother."

Seras stepped away, cursing herself. She had no right to be shifting through Lui's memories. She looked around, and not knowing what else to do, yelled, "Lui!"

Nothing. She began to walk, glancing at memories as she did. Many of them involved a brunette vampire woman who without even trying Seras felt Lui's emotions for. They seemed familiar to her somehow. He... loved her, she was a mentor, a teacher, a protector, a mother. Then Seras realized where she had felt this before. It was like with her and Alucard!

Then suddenly all the memories dissapeared. She felt herself being flung out of his mind, though she wasn't sure if Lui himself had done it or not. She was back in the real world, with the flaming horse barreling down on her. But it faltered suddenly, and turned into Lui. He looked weak, and indeed was slowly rapidly and didn't look stable.

Finally he collapsed onto Seras, knocking her and to the ground and latched onto her. She felt the urge to push him away, but then stopped when she heard him start crying. He held onto her like if he let go he would die, and tears poured down his face. It upset everyone that the normally upbeat American was crying like this. She began to gently stroked his hair, trying to comfort him.

Alucard walked up, limping slightly. Johnny was beside him in an instant. The red-clad vampire smiled as he looked at Seras and Lui. She looked up at her master, "What's wrong with him?"

"What was wrong with him you mean. Nothing now. He was advancing as a vampire, taking one of the last steps. He just gained his familiar."

"Familiar? Like your hell hounds?" Seras asked.

Alucard nodded, "And now I see what was taking him so long. That was impressive. Very impressive."

"Will my brother be alright?" Johnny asked, still slightly panicked.

"He will be fine. Come on, let's get him to his room before it starts to rain." Alucard said, but Seras shook her head.

"No, I think it would be better just to let him cry it out here. Besides, I don't think he's letting go. If I had to breath I would be suffocating."

Alucard shrugged and walked off, emmediatly being questioned by Integra. She wanted to know what had just happened. This he had expected, and began to explain it.

Johnny sat down next to Seras, smiling, "Thanks. I don't think I could have done that."

"Done what?" Seras asked.

"Ran out in front of him like that. You aren't afraid of much are you?"

"Look who my master is."

Johnny laughed. This sound seemed to jerk Lui out of whatever trance he was in, and he jumped back from both of them. However, the movement made him dizzy and he fell down again. He rose a sitting position, then said softly, "Johnny, go. Now."

"What? Why-"

"NOW!"

The younger vampire almost ran off, knowing that his brother wasn't the best person to be around when he talked like that. Seras was about to follow, when he said, "No, we have to talk."

"What?"

"How much of my memory did you see?"

"Ummm..."

"How much!" He asked with greater authority.

She backed up defensively, "I didn't mean to, I didn't know they were memories. I only saw a few."

"Which ones?" Lui asked softly.

"One with you and another vampire annoying some lady, and I walked by a few about you and who I assume is your master. And..."

"And? And what?"

"One with a girl named Rebecca."

Lui sighed and muttered, "Good..."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Just glad you didn't see the... darker half."

With that, he phased to his room. Seras sighed and began to walk back when it began to rain. She sighed again and kept walking. She needed to learn how to do the teleport thing.

Then suddenly she felt someone grab her hand, and after a few seconds of darkness she was in the basement. Lui let go of her wrist, and walked to his room. She tried to put her mind in order. That was way to nice for him. She caught the look in his eyes as he stepped through his door, and felt an odd feeling run up her body. He managed to look thankful and threatening at the same time.

_You brought this on yourself Police Girl-_

She looked around, _Brought what on myself Alucard?-_

_Hahahahahah... He believes you just saved his life, twice.-_

_And?-_

_And now he's going to have it in for you-_

_What? That doesn't make sense. Why would he have it in for me if I saved him?-_

_Because. Vampire pride. Good luck Police Girl, you'll need it-_

Ha! Another cliffhanger! Sorry this chapter wasn't funny, but the next will be. This is a build up chapter. And besides, how do you like my thing about how vampires get their familiars? (The only reason I wrote this chapter was for that part). Oh, and sorry about the wait. Writer's block.

What new powers does Lui have? And how will he restore his vampiric pride? Read to find out... Duck and cover Seras.


	16. Duck and Cover

1Chapter Sixteen: Duck and Cover (Seras)

It was an odd mix of emotions. He was thankful she had risked so much for him. He was angry that she had been inside his mind looking at his memories. He was annoyed by the fact she had saved him.

And who knows. Maybe he loved her. Darned if he knew anymore.

"Darn it, now I'm really beginning to sound like Alucard. I'm trivializing one of the strongest emotions there is. Oh well, no rest for the wicked.

He phased behind Seras, and coughed to get her attention, "Seras?"

"What is it Lui?" She asked, taking a cautious step back. Smart girl. Alucard must have tipped her off.

"Just, I really never thanked you for before. So, thank you."

Seras was touched. There was nothing but sincerity in that voice. And Lui meant it. "Lui, I..."

"Doesn't change the fact that I'm going to do this."

She was about to run when he snapped his fingers. One of those flaming horse things popped up from under her, and she screamed rather loudly. Then it took off full gallop, phasing through the wall.

Lui nodded approvingly, and began to make his way to the kitchen. Him, Alucard, Johnny, and Walter were going to have a poker game. He chuckled as he thought about how much money he was going to make.

Seras yelled as the horse ran through a forest at breakneck-speed, even for vampires. She didn't think Alucard moved this fast. Branches whipped towards her, threatening to take her head off every second. And the horse itself seemed to be trying to torment her. It chose the roughest possible ride for the young vampire. And un-dead or not, she was going to be sore for a while after this. She saw a chasm, and screamed as the horse jumped over it.

ABOUT ½ AN HOUR LATER

"Alright Walter, what've you got?" Lui asked cooly.

The butler smiled as he reveled his hand, "Strait flush, 56789 of diamonds." He began to move all the money on the table towards him, saying, "I do believe you lose."

Lui regarded him in annoyance, then smiled. He threw his cards down on the table, "Royal flush butler boy. Give me that."

Walter watched in shock as the American pulled all of the money back to his side of the table. That had been over five hundred pounds!

Then Lui stopped as a thought occurred to him. He stood up, and walked out the kitchen door. He looked up, and waited.

Seras and the horse suddenly phased, and she recognized the roof of the Hellsing manor. The horse was running wildly, and she gave one final scream as it jumped off the roof, then dissipated. She fell strait down, and she knew she was going to hit the ground hard.

Then suddenly she felt someone catch her. She opened her eyes, and saw that Lui had stuck his arms out at the last second. He glanced up again.

"Now this is my kind of rain." He said, mimicking one of his favorite video games, "I thought the sky looked funny."

Seras was limp in his arms. She was too tired, to exhausted. He smiled as he looked down at her, and for a second she smiled back.

Then he unceremoniously dropped her, splat, right into the mud from where it had rained. Nodding once again in approval, he turned to go back inside. Yet then with a loud thump, something hit him in the back of the head. He raised his hand to see what it was, and then brought some of it in front of his eyes. Mud. She had thrown mud at him.

He turned cooly, saying, "Alright, very funny, now-"

Suddenly another large glop of brown hit him in the face, getting in his mouth and everything. He stood there, stunned, as Seras began to giggle and rise to her feet. He spat the mud out of his mouth, and wiped some of it off his face.

"Seras, you will regret that."

She giggled a little harder, taking a few steps back. He smiled at her. Their looks matched. He reached down, and scooped up a large clump in both hands. She shook her head, saying, "You wouldn't dare."

His smile widened, and he hurled the mud at her, catching her in the chest. As she looked down at her now nearly ruined uniform, he snickered.

Alucard, Johnny, and Walter appeared, wondering where Lui had gone. They saw two very muddy vampires. They both regarded each other in a mix of amusement and anger.

"Five on Lui." Johnny said, pulling out a bill from his pocket.

"I'll take that bet." Alucard said, producing some money he had stolen from Integra.

"Look at you two! Making bets when we should be trying to stop them! Incognizable!" He scolded, then pulled out his wallet, "I have ten on Miss Victoria."

"It's like a dream," Lui said, circling with Seras, "I'm mud wrestling with you."

"Don't get any bright ideas Yank."

"Oh, I wouldn't think of it. Most of my ideas are very, very dark."

They both dived and scooped up some mud, flinging it madly. Both missed, and they began to hurl mud so fast one could barely see the air.

"Come on Lui, I'm disappointed."

"Are you? Well then, I'll have to fix that won't I?"

Suddenly, there were two of Lui. They both stood smirking, and picked clumps of mud.

Seras looked on in horror, "That's not fair!"

"Who said we were playing fair?" They two asked in unison, then flung their mud. One missed, the other connected right in her face. Hard.

In fact, she cried out and fell back, holding her face. Lui looked on in shock for a moment, then ran forward, his doppleganger dissipating. He was afraid he had accidentally picked up a rock and flung it at her. Not fatal, but very painful.

He crouched down beside her, and asked, "Are you alright?"

She quickly scooped up some mud and slammed it down on his head. She quickly jumped away, laughing, "You fell for it! That's got to be the oldest trick in the book."

Instead of attacking her some more, he just laughed and sat down in the mud. He shook his head, saying, "I can't believe that got me. Wait a minute..."

He spotted Johnny giving money to Alucard and Walter, both of whom looked very pleased. He glared at them, "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough."

"Uh huh." Lui said, then sent a mental message to Seras none of the caught. She considered, then nodded.

Then Seras and Lui started hurling mud at the three observers, causing them to scatter.

"Miss Victoria! Master Luis! You will stop this nonsense this instant!" Walter cried, emphasizing it with a stomp of his foot. Then a well placed shot hit him in the face.

"Come on Walter!" Seras cried, hiding behind a tree, "Have some fun!"

Cleaning off his monocle, he smiled. She was going to pay for that.

The mud war commenced. Mud was flung at everyone and everything, and childish laughter filled the night. Seras and Walter called a truce to get Lui and Johnny, while Alucard just dodged everything. Then he started phasing and hitting people, so everyone teamed up on him. Eventually he was laughing like a normal person again, and was covered in a fair amount of mud.

"I haven't done this since I was a child." He muttered to himself. This is what he and his friends did as children once spring came and melted all of the snows. But that had been so long ago...

Integra looked out of her office window because she heard noises, and saw the little mud battle. At first she was appalled, then laughed. She wished she could go down and enjoy the fun, but she simply had to much to do.

Alucard and Lui phased into the room, stifling giggles. Putting his finger to his lips for silence one more time, he pulled one mud filled hand back. Alucard followed suit. He began mouthing words and counting down from five on his fingers.

Then they flung there mud, hitting her square in the back of the head. She whirled around furiously, and grabbed her gun. She unloaded the entire clip, but they had already phased away, laughing. Integra sighed and put her gun down.

"A day-care center. I'm playing baby sitter for a bunch of undead children at an insane daycare center."

Then she smiled, and began to walk outside. If it's war they wanted, they had drawn first blood. Or, mud. Whatever.

They all stared at her when she walked outside, picked up two handfuls of mud, and flung one at Lui and one at Alucard. They didn't even try to move. Then suddenly it all whirled back into motion, but now with a new player.

This continued for what must have been an hour. None of them noticed the curly haired guy in his late teens, a white t-shirt and blue jeans staring at then. He was tall, only a few inches shorter than Alucard maybe, and glasses. Not sunglasses, regular glasses. Which was odd, considering his eyes were red.

Then after shaking his head, he yelled to them, "Hey, save some of that for the grass!"

Lui stopped dead, and turned slowly. He saw the curly haired man, and smiled, "I don't believe it. Kyle?"

"In all of my undead glory."

Lui dashed up to him, saying, "It's been ten years! What are you doing in England?"

'Kyle' put out his hand, palm flat, and Lui ran right into it with his chest.

"Hold on there. You aren't getting mud all over my clothes."

Lui smirked, then backed off a little, "Clean freak."

"No, I just don't want you to get my clothes dirty."

Lui shrugged, then asked, "How have you been? And why are you here? You told master that you were going to take your leave to Japan. What happened?"

Kyle shrugged, "I'm good. And yes, I was taking a vacation in Japan, until a few months ago this weird Irish guy showed up and started trying to kill me with butter knives. He's been chasing me for a while. Until I came here, then he just dissapeared."

Lui smiled, "Ya, I don't think you'll have to worry about him. He's been... Deported."

"Sounds like there's a story behind that one. Hold on a sec, is that who I think it is?" Kyle said as Johnny walked up a little sheepishly.

"Hello sir."

Kyle looked over the mud-covered Texan, then laughed, "Last time I saw you, you were still trying to figure out how to use telepathy. And now from the power I'm sensing you've almost progressed enough to try and start phasing! Ah man, the little Black Knight's almost all grown up."

Johnny laughed shyly. Kyle nodded, and phased through the wall, asking, "You guys got anything to drink in here? I'm starving of thirst."

Lui quickly phased after him. Johnny sighed, and began to trudge back to his room.

Seras walked up beside him, "Who was that, and did you just call him sir?"

Johnny began to explain, but Walter did it for him, "That was Kyle Newman, a vampire a few hundred years older than Luis. He was the one who taught Johnny how to sword fight."

Johnny nodded, "I'm still no where near as good as he is. And until I beat him, I'm going to call him sir. It's a respect thing."

Alucard laughed, "I remember when we were all a unit. Me, Johnny, Kyle, Luis, Sarah,-"

"Who was Sarah?" Seras asked. That was a new name to her.

"That's the name my master goes by. It seems that it was rather close to her original name."

"Yes, anyway, it was Me, Johnny, Kyle, Luis, Sarah, and Walter. There were others, but we didn't meet them. That was a time for battles the likes of which you will probably never see Police Girl."

Then from inside there was a loud crash and screamed insults about a lack of intelligence. Walter grimaced, and Integra glared.

"If they have broken something important, I swear I will..." Integra began.

Hehehehehe, another chapter! Kyle won't be around very long, but I think it'll suffice to say he taught Lui and Johnny almost everything they know. Hmmm, can you guess where this is going?


	17. Grand Finale Part 1

1Chapter Seventeen: Grande Finale' Part 1 (Revolution)

Kyle had refused the offer to sit. He instead stared intently at a picture of Sir Integra's grandfather.

"I have three questions."

"Alright. Go for it."

"First, how long do you plan to stay?"

"Not long. Three or fourdays at most. Probably more like two."

"Fair enough. Question two, are you really the Kyle 'Lightning' Newman that Walter has told me stories about and it's said even Alucard fears?"

"That's me. Though fear isn't the right term. More like respect. He respects me for the most part. If it came down to it, he could kill me. I do have a shot though, which is more than most can say."

"Alright. Last question, are you anything like Lui and Johnny?"

Kyle smiled, and turned to her. The glare off his glasses hid his eyes, but she was sure they held a mocking look, "I'm their older brother, what do you think?"

Integra's jaw dropped slightly, "Wait, how many brothers are there?"

"Well, perhaps 'brother' is too strong a term. I'm not directly related to them blood wise, but because of our relatively close life-ages and general brotherly attitudes it's just been simpler to act like brothers. Johnny has always been a little shy around me though..."

"I take it you don't see them very often?" She asked, remembering how he had commented on how much Johnny had grown.

"Not as much as I'd like to. So tell me, how much trouble have they been?"

"Go ask them yourself. They got most of it on video."

"I'll do that."

Kyle and Johnny were on one couch. Alucard was in the lazy boy reclining chair. Through some twist of fate Lui and Seras had ended up on the other couch. They both dared the other to do something.

Then Lui picked up the remote, and pressed play for the DVD player. After a few seconds the screen went black, then words faded into view.

"THE UNDEAD PRANK WAR OF HELLSING"

Then it flashed to a picture of a very bald Johnny chasing Seras, tearing through everything in his path. Johnny shifted uncomfortably as the rest of them chuckled.

Then they saw Lui lock Seras in his coffin, and carry her upstairs. Everything came in loud and clear. The camera watched the washing machine work for a minute, then it switched again.

Alucard was opening the coffin. It burst open, and there was a lot of yelling, then some laughter. Seras turned, and there was an 'Oh crap'.

Yes, they watched everything that had been filmed. Johnny had spent hours putting it all onto one DVD, and it had been worth it. Each had their embarrassing moments, each had their revenge. Personally Kyle loved it when Alucard had trashed the Mansion on the Lawnmower of Lucifer.

After it ended, Kyle asked, "So, what do you guys do now? That was a gem, all of it, but will there be any more?"

Lui shrugged, "I dunno. Maybe. It's just begun to get boring is all, and I think we're running out of good ideas."

"You at least have to give it a grand finale'." Kyle told them, then began to smile wickedly. That gave him ideas. Two or three days... He could work with that. "Let's see, five vampires. What can we do with five vampires?"

A smile slowly spread across Lui's lips, "A heck of a lot more than if we were trying to work alone."

Johnny nodded slowly, "All of us working together. That could be interesting."

Alucard sat up in his seat, "So a vampire revolution is it? I haven't even heard something sound that fun in ages."

Seras stood up and put out her hand towards the middle of the room, giggling slightly, "Alright, it's settled then. It'll be good to do something working together with people again."

Lui stood up, and put his hand on top of her's. Johnny followed suit, then Alucard and Kyle. The five of them smiled at each other. They broke the huddle in silence, forming temporary vampire clan.

"Alright Kyle, you've started this. What do we do first?"

"Well, since we would be hard pressed to out-do most of the stuff you've already done... Barbie Alucard... Let's do things that would be considered awesome as well as funny. Taking the audience into account, they'll be laughed out by the time they ever got to this part. Now we wow them."

Lui rubbed his hands together, "Alright, I have an idea. You haven't heard us, but we have a pretty good rock/metal band here. You add another guitar Kyle, so it works out even better. We have enough songs I think."

"Good. Where?"

"Integra owes me one, that won't be a problem. Johnny, you go and start making flyers, posters, whatever. Vampires of Hellsing. Seras, you go help him."

Kyle nodded, then smiled as he formulated what they were going to do over the next few days, "This is going to be one wild party."

Integra sighed. She couldn't refuse him, she had given her word. But still, it was an odd request and rather short notice. At least he was paying for it. All she had to do was set it up. Better than having to front the bill as well.

She stood up, and looked out the window. Lui had also given her the news that he and Johnny would be going back to America with Kyle. It appeared that the repairs on their home were finished.

"Are you going to miss them Master?"

"Are you Alucard?"

The elder vampire dropped from the ceiling, landing softly. He told her, "It's been fun. Now it's drawing to a close. You're evading my question."

"Why don't you read my mind?"

"I can't anymore."

She turned to him, surprised, "What do you mean? How do you still know what I'm thinking then?"

"You've grown too strong for me to simply waltz about in your mind now Master." He looked over his sunglasses with what looked like an honest to God normal smile, "I just know you so well it's normally not a mystery what you're thinking."

Integra shrugged and looked back out the window. She smiled, "Yes, I guess I will miss those two idiots. They've brought chaos to a normally boring and uneventful life. And I must say, they've begun turning you human Alucard."

"Maybe I was always human. I was just hiding it from you."

"And why would you be doing that?" She asked curiously. This was a different mind game from usual.

Alucard seemed to weigh the next statement carefully, then said, "Perhaps to provide a challenge for you. To test you. To see the true measure of your character."

"Why would my character need measuring?"

"To see if you are worth stirring up my emotions over."

Integra blinked. She half-turned, and saw Alucard staring at her intently. She hadn't seen this look before. What was that supposed to mean? What emotions were Alucard stirring up? Was he implying?

No, surely not.

Kyle and Lui happened by, both smiling to each other when they heard the two talking. Lui said, "'Bout time. I was wondering if that overgrown bat would ever come out of that stupid shadow he wraps himself in."

"I take it you've been expecting this one Lui?"

"Please. Integra is the only person I know with enough will to control Alucard, seals or not. Alucard is the only one with enough power to try and cross her. The saying goes, opposites attract. The only reason they haven't hooked up by now is that they're both more stubborn about not becoming the weak one than Johnny is about never going to the hospital."

"I guess that's how you and Johnny are though. You guys could take the coldest person on Earth and pierce any sort of emotional barriers they have."

"Hey, I haven't led an all thathappy existence. I do my best to make sure others don't follow suit. Anyway, what was that idea you had with the motorcycles?"

"Ya, we get some bikes, and we pull some serious Hollywood stuff around London..."

Professor Curly here. Thanks for the compliments Omega Z, and all the rest of you. Yes, sadly the story is going to wind down now. Don't worry though, there are still three or four long chapters yet before the end.

And now notes on the story. I'm bringing Alucard and Integra together, no this isn't going to turn into a fluff (Can't stand the stuff, but I have a plan that requires it. Now I'll go cry myself a river) piece.

Now, all of you. I have one very simple request. I need songs. Imagine the band Vampires of Hellsing. I need help writing some songs, so if you could post ideas, or entire songs, that would be great.

Note: Keep profanities to a minimum in the songs. Also, remember that the main theme of most songs would be to convince people not all vampires are bad. And while you could see Alucard singing about death, destruction, and bloodshed,try to toss it up a little.

Oh, and yes Alucard may get a little out of character. I'll try and keep it to a minimum.

Right, I think that's about it. Professor Curly, out.


	18. Grand Finale Part 2

1Chapter Eighteen: Grand Finale Part 2 (Just Random Odds and Ends)

Kyle had often wondered how stupid Lui was. Well, stupid wasn't the right word. The younger vampire was smart, one of the most intelligent people Kyle knew (Though he rarely showed it). However, he had been known to do extremely stupid things for money. Enterprising. That was the word. Kyle had often wondered how enterprising Lui was.

And Kyle saw no better time to test this than now. Besides, the sun hadn't quite set (It was hidden behind thick clouds, but the vampires could still feel it's burning touch), and that could mess with Lui's judgement further. Alucard stood by Johnny, who was filming the proceedings. They walked up behind Lui, and Kyle said,

"Hey Lui."

"What is it?" Lui asked, looking up from whatever activity he was doing.

"I'll give you three million dollars to go stick your tongue on the power transformer."

"The transformer?"

"Yep."

"Like those round things on power lines?"

"Uh huh."

"HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM!" Lui yelled at him, then said calmly, "Twenty."

"Deal."

And now Lui had climbed the power lines. Did he need twenty million dollars? No. But hey, it was twenty million freaking dollars. And he knew Kyle could pay it. No American vampire worth the blood in his veins was less than a multi-millionaire.

Closing his eyes and saying a short prayer, Lui stuck his tongue to the cool metal. Everyone below waited in anticipation for what would happen.

Which was surprisingly, nothing.

Kyle and the others almost scoffed at the lack of entertainment. That wasn't how it was supposed to happen at all!

Lui sighed in relief, and moved his hand to get a better grip on the pole. Sadly this put his hand on the other transformer, which completed the circuit. He felt angry electricity rip through his body like a hot, jagged knife. And he couldn't pull away. Until his body was shot away from the pole, the energy finally overloading the circuits.

Kyle was laughing his head off. Alucard merely shook his head.

"Ah ta uck as at! O y od at urt orse an en I ot y angs ulled!" Lui yelled, holding his mouth. He couldn't feel most of his body, and his tongue was pretty much shot. Darn him and his American spirit for making money.

They were lucky they only caused a brief loss of power in the surrounding area.

Lui comforted himself later when his various bank accounts registered a total increase of twenty million dollars. Money well earned, if he said so himself.

Integra couldn't help it. When Lui phased into her office, whistling with a self satisfied look on his face, she had to ask, "What did you do and how much damage did it cause?"

"I just made twenty million dollars."

Integra's mouth fell. What, "How did you manage that?"

Lui beamed in pride, "I stuck my tongue on a power transformer."

Integra had to laugh at the sight of Lui looking like he had just beat the entire world while bragging about sticking his tongue on a power transformer.

"I take it that was what the power outage was. Is this the kind of thing you do in your spare time in America?"

"Sometimes. Hey, I got Johnny to tie strings to his fangs, tie them off, then jump off a roof once. I had to pay him a few million dollars, but it was well worth it."

Alucard phased into the room, and Lui giggled slightly. As he walked away, he told them, "You two behave now."

Integra looked at Alucard confused. He looked after Lui, confused. Then he realized that Lui must have heard him and Integra talking, "That sneaky little demon."

"I take you told him something about last night didn't you? I don't know how he understands what you say though, I can only handle so much of it."

"Luis has known me a long time. So have Kyle and Johnny. Longer than you, longer than any human alive, except for maybe Walter. I'm afraid they figured out my mind games long ago."

"Congratulations to them. I still don't get what you were saying."

"Yes you do Integra, you just don't want to admit it. If nothing else you suspect."

He didn't call me master. That was her first thought. He only called her by name on rare occasions, normally serious ones. 'Master' had been a strange taunt from him. She found herself thinking back. Alucard had always been there, from the day she had awakened him to now. He was always there. When she was younger as a monster, then as a sort of tentative friend, then as a thing to be controlled. Now...

"I can sense the mental turmoil in your mind without trying Integra. It doesn't become you. You are normally so assured of yourself."

Integra felt fury in herself at the momentary weakness, and decided to direct her anger at the one who had caused it. She pulled out her pistol and aimed it between Alucard's eyes. She didn't care if he would regenerate it, she was going to show him exactly what she thought of him, "Bloody vampire."

"Ah, now there is the Integra I know and love." Alucard said, smiling. He let his human side come out and say that one thing, and the words hung in the air heavily.

For once Integra could actually imagine Alucard alive, and though sadistic and ruthless, also very much human, "Alucard, is this some sort of sick game?"

"No, no games this time. I have given myself five minutes of humanity. I have lowered my guard. Now I ask you do the same. This is not an every day thing for me Integra, and I have done it for only two people."

"And who were they?"

"Mina Harker, and now you make two."

Darn it, he wasn't lying. Integra could tell. She had never seen him like this, making himself vulnerable. Especially not in front of her. Had all of those times of offering his blood really had a deeper meaning than just tormenting her?

She thought about, and tried to imagine if he was gone. At first she thought it would be paradise, no more tormenting voices, no more worrying whether or not a shadow was something more, being able to feel safe in her home.

But then a revelation hit her. She wouldn't feel safe. She would feel afraid, without knowing that he was always there in the shadows, a disturbing but also comforting phantom. She would miss those voices, taunts, even the laughter, because it proved that she wasn't alone. And how seemingly pointless her life would be without him there, and indeed how short it would have been. She remembered all the things he had done for her. Helped her run the organization, gave his own twisted form of comfort during hardships, and saved her life countless times. That protective wrath, always assured, never failing. He hadn't let her down yet.

He waited patiently, arms crossed, regarding her with crimson eyes. Her walls had cracked, and he was catching snippets of thought here and there. But not enough to tell him a solid thought on her part.

Then Integra smiled, and put her gun down on her desk, "Bloody Hell, I've fallen in love with a vampire without even knowing it."

Lui stopped spying on them at that point. He was just checking to see if his assumption was correct, now he was going to go about his business. He couldn't help but laugh at the irony of it. Alucard, the no-life king of vampires and Integra Wingates Hellsing, leader of one of the most feared vampire hunting organizations in the world, together. He wondered how much human was left under all of the insanity and blood Alucard had wrapped himself up in.

Well, enough obviously.

Walter walked by, carrying a tray of food and some tea. Lui stopped him, "I don't think they want to be disturbed right now Walter."

"'They?' Luis?"

"Integra and Alucard."

Walter smiled, "Ah, so it's finally happened then. Right, I'll just go and... do something with this."

Kyle strolled into the kitchen, eating an apple. He had loved apples in live, he still loved them now, it didn't matter they made him sick if he ate them too much. He looked over to the stove, and smiled.

There stood Johnny, cooking. Walter stood by, watching with great interest.

"I must say, it seems that you've done this before."

"I have. Back when I was alive I wanted to be a chef. When the war started that's what I was in the navy. It wasn't much, but I managed to make the meals as bearable as possible."

"So chef boy, what are you making now?" Kyle asked, walking up beside him, taking another bite of his apple.

"Well, since they haven't been graced with my cooking yet, I was going to start off with some soup, then some nice juicy Texas style steaks."

"Sounds delicious. Fix me up one of those steaks man, rare and bloody of course."

"Right. Anyway, then I got home-style mashed potatoes ready to be cooked over there, green beans, rolls, and for good measure I made some cookies."

"Excuse me sir, but those are biscuits."

"No, they're cookies."

"Biscuits."

"Cookies."

"Biscuits."

"Dang it, they're cookies!"

Kyle sighed, "Sorry to interrupt this...enchanting conversation, but I smell more than that cooking."

Johnny glanced at him, then grinned, "Oh ya, I almost forgot. Since I've lost all sense of taste drinking medical blood, I decided to whip a little something up for us bloodsuckers. Take notes Walter, and you can use this to twist Alucard around your little finger. As I recall, he loved this."

He took the lid off a pot, and they all looked inside. Kyle's eyes gleamed, "Is that what I think it is?"

"Yep."

Walter looked at the swirling brownish liquid. It was thick, and there was a fairly odd smell about it.

"Excuse me sir, I don't recall what this was."

"Blood-olate." Kyle said, taking a step back and licking his lips.

"What?"

"Everyone has a different name for it. Sugar blood, cherry chocolate, Nosferatu nectar..." Johnny told him, reciting off some names, "Basically, vampire chocolate. Same basic idea, just mixed with blood and some other ingredients, and cooked a little differently."

Walter recalled, "Oh yes, I remember this. You had Alucard almost groveling for more of this stuff back during the war. It must have slipped my mind, that was a long time ago you know." A wicked grin spread across his face, "Please, do write down the recipe."

"No problem. Just one thing, never give Alucard or anyone else very much. Even humans, I've found quite a few who like this believe it or not, shouldn't eat a lot of it."

"Why not?"

Kyle threw away the core of his apple and laughed, "Cause, it's got so much sugar and crap in it that a lot of it screws with your system. Plus humans aren't supposed to eat blood. The real problem is with vampires though, what with all the sugar and crap in with the blood. You might as well be feeding us... Well, if you recall five little squares of it got Alucard sugar high. And I mean, that was Alucard."

Walter smiled. Now that he thought of it, he did remember that particular occasion. Rather ill timed as well...

_**(FLASH BACK)**_

_**Alucard ran around the base, giggling like a little girl. He changed into a hell hound and promptly started to try and bite it's own ear. **_

"_**Bloody idiot, come on we're moving out."**_

_**Alucard switched back into his human form and began rolling around, laughing uncontrollable, "Blood, bloody, blody, buddy, hehehehehe..."**_

"_**What is wrong with you?"**_

_**Alucard started zipping around so fast that he could barely be seen, "Hehehehehe... Look at me! I'm flying!"**_

_**Alucard jumped up into the air and turned into a swarm of bats, emitting high pitched shrieks that still sounded like laughter. They flapped their wings way faster than necessary, and kept running into each other. Soon many of them were tangled up and trying to separate from each other, falling to the ground in the process. Finally they all merged back into Alucard, who was on his back.**_

"_**Hehehehehe, I'm going to make a snow angel!"**_

_**As Alucard began to move his arms and legs to make a snow angel (There was no snow, it was the middle of July), two men in black coats walked up.**_

"_**What the... Is he alright Walter?"**_

"_**I don't know Lui. I came out here to find him and he was like this." A young Walter replied. **_

_**At that moment Alucard got up, saying pitifully, "There's no snow... Hehehehehehe!" **_

_**He started attempting cartwheels and back flips. He went back and forth in front of them, until he hit the side of a tank head first, and staggered back. He fell, and lay there for a moment.**_

"_**This is sad. I think he's finally lost it. Should we like, put him down? End his, uh, happiness? What is going on, he's Lucifer, why is he giggling like a twelve year old girl?" Kyle suggested.**_

"_**ALCUARD!" A heavily accented voice roared.**_

"_**What is it?" He replied sweetly.**_

_**Johnny stormed out of the building, holding an empty box, "I said you could have one! One! You ate all five!"**_

_**Then they watched as Alucard did a handstand, balanced on one hand, then promptly fell over. What in the?**_

"_**Man, these things are stronger than I thought." Johnny commented, looking at the empty box. **_

"_**What did you give him? Opium?" Lui yelled, motioning to Alucard how was now doing ballerina twirls and jumps.**_

"_**No... I just gave him some new chocolate I made... I made one for each of us..." Johnny said slowly, holding up the now empty box. **_

_**A brown haired woman, with slightly dark skin for a pure blood, walked up. She wore a black uniform like the other Americans, and had a firm, but kind face. Her hair fell back to about her waist, and she had a very impatient/angry expression on her face, "What in the name of God is taking so long- Alucard?"**_

"_**Hello Sara!" Alucard yelled, running up to the brunette and embracing her. She felt her bones bend and creak under the force of it.**_

"_**GET, HIM, OFF!" She gasp-yelled to them.**_

_**Suddenly Alucard let go and began to twirl around like a top. Faster and faster, "Sara! You should try this! It's fun!"**_

_**Sara got up and looked at her fledglings, "Johnny, Luis, what did you do to him?"**_

_**Kyle rubbed his temples, "Johnny gave him one of his experiments. I'm normally first in line to try out his new blood-food stuff, but I don't know if I want any of this crap."**_

_**Sara muttered something in her native language. Or, one of them. They weren't quite sure what all the languages she knew were. And some of them sounded so much alike they couldn't tell.**_

"_**That's not nice to say!" Alucard scolded, waving his finger at her. **_

"_**Like you bloody know what she said..." Walter muttered.**_

"_**Yep! I understood it all!"**_

"_**Alright, what did she say?"**_

"_**Nothing!"**_

"_**What? But if she said nothing how could it not be a nice thing to say?" Walter countered, finally able to bring a point against the vampire.**_

"_**Because nothing is something and if something is nothing, and everything is something, and if everything is something and something is nothing then nothing is everything!" Alucard exclaimed proudly, before falling straight backwards and rolling around on the ground. He changed back into a hell hound and re-commenced trying to bite his own ear.**_

_**They looked at Sara, since she understood Alucard better than the rest of them. She stared blankly at the large black hound in front of her. She voiced everyone's thought with, "Excuse my language, but what the Hell was that?"**_

_**And that's the real story behind how the term 'sugar high' came into being.**_

_**(END FLASH BACK)**_

Alucard walked into the kitchen, and emmediatly took a step back, "KEEP THAT AWAY FROM ME!"

Johnny took a wooden spoon and stirred the vampire chocolate, and then held the spoon up to him, "Come on Alucard, you know you want some!"

"STAY BACK!"

They all laughed insanely. How could they forget the time Dracula got sugar high?

Integra walked into the room, to see Johnny advancing on Alucard with spoon covered in something and Alucard seemingly backing away and rushing forward at the same time.

"What the, is that... chocolate? Alucard, is this some weird phobia or something?"

Lui began to sing a song, "Take a little time from your busy lives..."

Kyle picked up the next verse, "Smile a little before you die."

"Have a little laugh as I recall the tale." Walter put in, remembering this small ditty they used to torment Alucard with.

Johnny finished it with, "The tale of when Dracula got sugar high."

Alucard phased from the room, leaving a very confused Integra, "What was that about?"

Seras groggily walked up the stairs. The others had been up for a while, but for some reason she had been very tired. She walked slowly, arms drooping. She walked into the kitchen to get some blood. Man, something smelled good. Walter must have been cooking a really big dinner for Integra. She walked to the fridge, then saw a pan on the counter. Some one had set something out to cool off. She walked over to the pan, curious as to what was in it, and then her eyes started to sparkle at what she saw.

"Chocolate!"

God help us all...

Oh, and thanks for all the ideas about the songs, but I worded it wrong. Those are all great suggestions, but I meant ideas for original songs. Songs that the band Vampires of Hellsing would have made if they were a real band.

Anyway, thanks for all the support. This story isn't over yet though.


	19. Grand Finale Part 3

1Chapter Nineteen: Grand Finale' Part 3 (Seras gets Sugar High and other Interesting Stuff)

Johnny walked into the kitchen, whistling. He had set the chocolate out to cool off and solidify. He looked at the empty pan for three seconds before realizing that none of the chocolate was there.

Then the realization hit him, "Oh crap LUI!SIR! WE HAVE A PROBLEM!"

The three vampires met in the kitchen, and Johnny told them, "Alright, all the chocolate is gone. All of it."

"How much was there?" Lui asked quickly.

"A heck of a lot more than five pieces."

"Did Alucard get it?" Kyle asked.

"Are you kidding? He's afraid of the stuff. Walter knows what it is, Integra is working, the soldiers aren't allowed in the kitchen and that leaves..."

Suddenly a yellow and blue blur whizzed by them, laughing.

"Seras." Lui finished.

They didn't know where Seras had acquired the roller skates, but now she was circling them, slowing so she wasn't a blur anymore.

"Hey guys! Have you had some of that chocolate! IT'S AWESOME!"

"Seras, if you will just get off the roller skates very calmly."

"Lui." Seras said, her voice childishly changing pitch between syllables from high to higher.

"What?" Lui asked cautiously as she continued to circle them.

"How do you do that thing where you make music come out from no where?"

"You want to learn?"

She nodded her head vigorously and squealed, "YES!"

"Alright, then you have to take off the SKATES!"

He lunged on 'skates', but she dodged him and stuck out her tongue, "You'll have to catch me first."

"After her!" Lui yelled, getting back up. He also summoned a camera from somewhere.

Lui dashed ahead and skidded to a halt as he came to a corner. Seras promptly tackled him, "YOU'RE IT!"

Lui attempted to grab her, but she was too fast. Darn her and her sugar-enhanced vampire speed!

"I say, what is all the yelling about?" Walter asked, stepping out of a room which was beside Lui.

"Seras found the chocolate. And you know how women get around chocolate."

Walter paled, "How much of it did she eat?"

"All of it. And that's a whole lot." Johnny said, running up beside him.

Kyle got a very smart idea, "ALUCARD!"

The red clad vampire appeared upside down from the ceiling, "What do you want?"

"Seras ate all the chocolate."

"Oh great."

Suddenly Seras appeared under him, and looked up at him. He looked up, er, down, at her.

"HEY MASTER! Can you show me how to do that! IT'S SO COOL!"

Alucard grabbed her shoulders, but she started roller blading away, pulling him out of the portal. The shock of hitting the floor made him lose his grip. She turned, crossed her arms, and sulked angrily. Like, small child angry, "You're no fun. Big meanie!"

Then she began laughing uncontrollably and retreated. The vampires and Walter formulated a plan.

"Alright, Kyle and Johnny go around that way and cut her off, Walter and Alucard go that way and make sure she doesn't try and double back."

"What are you going to do bro?" Johnny asked.

"I'm going horseback riding."

Seras was roller blading along, like she hadn't in ages. She felt it all coming back to her, when she was a little girl she did this all the time. She jumped and spun around the air.

Then she heard a noise behind her. She looked, and Lui was riding one of his big mean horse thingys.

"Eeep!"

She began to go faster, and Lui urged his mount to follow her. He marveled at her speed. The nightmare could run faster than any vampire, yet she was still pulling away. How?

Oh ya. It wasn't designed with chocolate in mind. Stupid oversights.

Suddenly Seras stopped, and ducked. Lui tried to grab her as he went by, but missed. He cursed and looked back at her. She waved daintily with one hand.

That's when he hit the wall. He could feel the mansion shake with the force of the impact. His mount dissipated, and he feel onto his back. She slowly wheeled up to him, and bent over until their faces were level.

"That wasn't very smart. Running into walls isn't a good idea you know."

Lui glared up at her, "You think you're real cute don't you."

"Yep."

"You're not!"

He tried to grab her, and got a handful of hair. She cried out and smacked him. Then she bent down, took off one of her roller skates and hit him in the groin with it. He cried out in pain, and rolled over on his knees.

"You shouldn't pull people's hair!" She yelled, taking off the other skate and taking advantage of his bowing position, hit him over the head with it.

He fell flat on his stomach. That, had, hurt.

"Hehehehehe..."

As he struggled to his feet, he asked, "What are you laughing at?"

"YOU!"

"And what's so funny about me pray tell?"

"EVERYTHING!"

Lui started to chase her, but the pain in his crouch-area turned it into a sort of limp. At least she wasn't on roller skates anymore.

"But did she have to hit me with them?" He muttered.

Johnny and Kyle ran up beside him, "What happened?"

"She took off her skate and got a freaking low blow on me. Then while I was bent over she clogged me over the head with the other one."

"Did you accomplish anything?"

"Ya, now she thinks I'm the funniest thing on the face of the planet."

After Lui's pain subsided, they began to chase her again. She ran outside, laughing wildly. She stuck out her arms and began to make airplane noises and giggling.

They chased her all the way to the gardening shed. Lui got to it first.

She was holding an orange container. On it were the words "Warning, concentrated form of gasoline. Alucard, do not use in lawn mower."

AND WALTER HAD LEFT IT IN THE SHED? THAT IDIOT!

"Hey there little lawn mower! Are you thirsty?" Seras asked, unscrewing the cap and pouring the gas inside. Lui was frozen in place. When the container was empty, she threw it away saying, "You were thirsty, yes you were. What's that? You want to take me for a ride? ALRIGHT!"

Lui quickly slammed the doors of the shed shut as Kyle and Johnny got to him. His face was pale and his eyes were wide.

"What is it?" Kyle asked, he and the younger vampire skidding to a stop when they saw Lui's look.

"She's found, the lawnmower."

Suddenly with a roar the door burst open, flinging Lui into the air. The other Americans turned on their heels and began to run away.

Lui landed on the hood of the new even-more-uber-than-the last lawnmower.

He looked back at Seras, "TURN THIS THING OFF! NOW!"

"NO!" She yelled back, swerving. He slid off the hood, but managed to grab onto another part. But from this position he was being dragged along the ground.

"THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN LUI!" Seras squealed, jumping off and hanging on next to him.

Lui was abnormally calm, "Seras, is anyone driving right now?"

"Nope!"

"I hate you. I really, truly, honestly hate you Seras."

"I love you to!"

Then suddenly they both yelled out in surprise when they crashed through a wall. Lui hurriedly got into the seat and turned the key. Nothing. He pulled it out. Nothing. He took the key and stabbed the lawnmower with it.

Darn it, wasn't there anyway to stop this thing?

He pushed the brake pedal. That slowed it down, till the brakes snapped. Something had dislodged the speed control lever. Lui turned desperately, trying to take them out of the mansion.

Seras grabbed onto his arm, "I'M SCARED! MAKE IT STOP LUI!"

"GET OFF OF ME SERAS! I'M TRYING TO MAKE IT FREAKING STOP!"

Luckily, he managed to do this. And he saw Walter and Alucard. He yelled to them, "SHOOT IT! SHOOT THE STUPID LAWN MOWER!"

Alucard didn't need encouragement. Walter didn't try to stop him. He pulled out both of his pistols and unloaded them into the engine of the mower. This caused it to start to slow. Lui grabbed Seras and jumped off, shielding her from the explosion that followed.

"You did it!" She squealed, and gave him a big kiss on the lips. Then she commenced to hug him, arms around his neck.

And not that he wasn't happy with this position, but when he felt his windpipe collapse, he had to try and push her away.

"Lui? What's wrong?"

He desperately pointed to his neck. She didn't get the gesture.

"What? Are you hurt?"

He nodded vigorously, hoping she would let go.

"You poor thing!"

She squeezed him tighter.

He saw black spots start to develop in his eyes. The world was spinning wildly. His life suddenly and inexplicably started flashing before his eyes.

'Wait' he thought, 'I never got that twenty dollars from him!'.

"Police Girl, let him go!"

"He's hurt!" She yelled back, holding him even tighter as if to protect him. He started twitching.

"You're the one hurting him!"

She looked at him confused. Then she loosened he grip, and looked down at Lui, whose face had turned purple, "Am I hurting you?"

Lui gasped for air and desperately tried to crawl away. However, she caught his foot. He looked back, surprised and frustrated. What could she want now?

"I try to help you and now you try and run away without so much as saying thank you? I DON'T THINK SO LUIS THOMSON!"

Lui's eyes went from frustrated surprise to pure fury. He started mouthing words and pointing to his neck (She had crushed his windpipe, thus making him temporarily mute.). He was telling her exactly what he thought of her 'help'.

Seras narrowed her eyes angrily back. She had an inkling as to what he was saying, even if she couldn't hear it.

She lunged at him, and began to hit him. He caught both her fist, and rolled over on top of her. She rolled over on top of him. He threw her off, and got to his knees only to be tackled from behind.

As this small conflict raged on, the other four merely stared.

"Shouldn't we like, help him maybe?" Kyle asked.

"After you."

"Ladies first." Kyle shot back cooly.

Seras, who had been slamming Lui's head into the ground by his neck, glared at them. She got up and advanced on Kyle.

"Ladies first? What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means? God did some of that blond bleach seep down into your brain?" Kyle asked, hoping to provoke her.

"I am not a stupid blond! And I resent that stereotype! Some of the most intelligent people on Earth have been blond-"

"Name one."

"-And further more, I happen to be a lady. And he" She pointed to Johnny, "Is no lady. Calling him such is an insult to women everywhere!"

"God, get this chick a soapbox." Lui said, his voice box finally healed, getting his knees. He knew what Kyle was trying to do. Get her to lower her guard.

Seras whirled and gave him a right hook to the jaw. That put Lui back on the ground, "Don't interrupt a lady!"

Kyle, Johnny, Alucard, and Walter lunged while her back was turned, but they missed. Instead they all landed on Lui (He's having a really bad day).

Seras started giggling like a little girl again, "Hehehehehe, you guys are silly."

Then she began to run off. Lui pushed his companions off of him, and then began to chase Seras. He then had a revelation. He let his three year old extremely immature inner-child take over.

He looked at Seras's socks. They were white, with care bears on them.

(Care bears? They make care bear socks?)

"Hey Seras, your socks are stupid!"

They all turned, surprised by the change in his voice. He winked at them.

Seras turned slowly, "What?"

"Ha-ha you have stupid socks!"

"My socks are not stupid!"

"Are to!"

"Are not!"

"Are to!"

"Are not!"

"Are to!"

"MY SOCKS ARE NOT STUPID AND THAT'S FINAL!" Seras said, stomping her foot.

"You have care bear socks! Ha ha ha ha, Seras has care bear socks!" Lui said childishly, pointing. He began to chant his little taunt.

"Oh ya? Well you have a, uh, you have a cd with the Barbie song on it!" Seras yelled back.

Lui began to reply, but faltered. Dang it, that was true. He had copied it off the internet to prank Alucard with it, but it was true he did have it, "Oh ya, well you have a teddy bear in your coffin!"

"How did you find out about teddy!" Seras yelled back. Lui was stunned by the response. She had a teddy bear in her coffin?

Johnny nudged Alucard, "Does she really have a teddy bear in her coffin?"

"Not that I know of. Now I think she's hallucinating. Or maybe she does, I don't know for sure."

"Well, you have a, you have a nose!" Seras yelled.

Kyle leaned over to Walter, "How is that insulting?"

"I have no idea sir."

"Oh ya? Well, you have cooties!"

"I do not!"

"Do to!"

"Do not!"

"Do to!"

Seras stomped over to Lui, and raised her fist to hit him, "I do not!"

However, he caught the blow, and easily got her into an arm lock. He then transferred her to his shoulder, "Now young lady, I think you need a time out."

"NO! I DON'T WANNA GO TO TIME OUT! PUT ME DOWN! HELP! ALUCARD! I DON'T WANNA GO TO TIME OUT!"

Seras struggled with all her might, but Lui was done playing games. His grip was like iron. There was no escape. He took her down to her room in the basement, and threw her inside. He slammed the door before she could attack him, and used one of his fingernails to create a small cut on the palm of his hand. He placed the wound to the door, mumbled some words, and sealed it off.

The others clapped a little at the accomplishment. Lui fell back against the wall, and slid down to a sitting position. That had been, fun. Ish.

"That was genius. How did you come up with that out of curiosity?" Walter asked.

"She was acting like a three year old. Hmm, let's see, who else here acts like a three year old?"

They chuckled a bit, then Johnny said, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just a bit, exhausted. Go on, enjoy the night. I'm going to sit here and, you know, sit here. Johnny, bring me my guitar ya?"

"Sure man."

Lui absently plucked the strings of his guitar, letting his body recover. Chocolate, no chocolate, Seras was Alucard's dark child. It would take a braver man than him to actually get on Seras's bad side.

A few hours and some screaming later, Lui was still sitting there. He heard some shuffling of feet, and something hit the door. He could tell Seras was sitting with her back to it.

"So have you learned your lesson young lady?"

"Don't hit people?"

"No."

"Um, don't hold onto people tighter if they starting pointing to their neck?"

"Well, yes, but not quite that either."

"What lesson?"

"Don't eat a lot of chocolate."

He heard her exclaim in surprise, "You mean, I was that hyper because I ate the chocolate?"

"Ya. Oh, and it's alright that you nearly killed me several times."

"Sorry..."

"So how do you feel?"

"Tired and I have a really bad headache."

"Good, I'm unsealing the door. If you are lying I have my gun ready."

He put his hand gently to the door, and released his seal. The door opened slowly. Seras stood there, tired but smiling. She sat down across the hall from Lui.

"You broke your promise Seras."

"What promise?"

"You kissed me again."

"Oh, uh, sorry."

"Apologizing? Well then, I guess you'll have to kiss me again to make up for it won't you?"

"What is it with you? I've had men lust after me before, but you manage it like an art. How many women have you seduced over the years?"

"Uh, um... Ya..." Lui said uncomfortably.

"That many?"

He shook his head, a little embarrassed, "No, try the opposite of that."

"10?" He shook his head. "5? 3? 2? 1?" Still he shook his head. "None?"

He didn't say anything. Seras laughed at him, "Wait, you mean, are you still a virgin Lui?"

"Shut up! I get enough flak from Johnny! Yes, I'm the two hundred year old virgin vampire! What, you want to taste my blood and check? Go ahead."

She laughed some more, and he sulked. She put her hand on his shoulder, giggling, "Lui, that's-"

"Sad?"

"Sweet."

They locked eyes for a moment. A very long moment. Then Lui stood up, saying, "Come on, let's get out of here. There's still some time before sunrise."

"Right."

"Hey Seras?"

"What?"

"Do you really have a teddy bear in your coffin?"

She punched him in the side, saying, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"You have a teddy bear in your coffin. Wow. I mean, darn it. Sorry, that's just a new one."

"Hey, I don't make fun of you being a virgin after two hundred years you don't make fun of my teddy bear."

"No, I'm not making fun of you. Just, that's really, innocent."

"Ya, I've heard that before."

LATER

Integra sighed and leaned back in her seat. That had been a rather grueling session of signing papers. Along with the whole sugar-high Seras on a lawnmower.

Still, she had enjoyed her dinner. Johnny could do something useful. She was impressed.

She slid under the covers of her bed, making a silent vow not to do any work tomorrow. What? Incognito has come back from the dead with the Valentine brothers? Tell them to wait till noon.

She knew that Alucard was watching her. And she really didn't care. In fact, she felt rather relieved that he was there, watching. Comforting.

"Good night Master. Tomorrow will be an interesting day I think."

She curled into a tight little ball, "I don't care Alucard. Let me sleep."

Johnny and Kyle had finally got down to something they had been planning to do for a while. They stood, regarding each other. Johnny held his rapier, his hand shaking a little.

Kyle seemed so big, untouchable in his white coat, sizing him up from behind those clear lenses. He held a long sword, about 4 and have feet in length and five inches wide.

"Are you afraid?"

"Yes." Johnny replied. He didn't even bother lying.

"Then you've already lost. Come on Johnny, you're better than you know, but if you can't get past your fear none of it matters. Forget I'm the one who taught you. Begin."

Johnny rushed forward, and tried to end it quickly with a lunge, but found his blade sticking into the ground with Kyle's sword at his throat.

"You hesitated. Don't worry about hurting me."

Johnny nodded, and made for another lunge, but stopped midway. This move caught Kyle slightly off guard, and almost got him. But the older vampire managed to hop back out of the rapier's stabbing range. He looked at the point of the blade. A slower vampire would have had his heart skewered.

Kyle brought his sword around, knocking the rapier away from him, then used the momentum of the swing to carry it on in a roundhouse slash aimed at Johnny's neck. The younger vampire used his weapon to deflect the blow just over his head, and Kyle had to jump strait back to avoid the blade of his opponent.

Johnny went on the offensive with three quick thrusts. He was driving Kyle back, knowing that his long sword wasn't meant for a stab fight with a rapier. Kyle used his weapon's superior weight in a brilliant overhead slash just as Johnny reached the full range of his weapon's thrust.

Only a quick roll to the left kept his head from being split into two pieces. However, the older vampire seemed to be confused by the sudden move, and was recovering slowly. Johnny without thinking rushed forward.

It took Kyle several seconds to figure out what was obscuring the vision of his left eye. Then he dropped his sword, and smiled.

"See, there you go. You've beaten me."

Johnny blinked a few times, then lowered his weapon, "Uh, I..."

Kyle looked at him, annoyed, "Don't start apologizing. You won. Maybe now you'll actually call me by name instead of 'sir'."

"Kyle..." Johnny said, as if it was an alien word, "How did I do that? I mean, I know that I couldn't have surprised you that much."

"I thought you would roll right."

"That's it?"

"Ya. But you still won. A win is a win."

They heard clapping. Turning, they saw Lui leaning against the wall, smiling, "That was the best seven second fight ever."

"Seven seconds? That's it?"

"Just about. Alright, you guys ready for tomorrow?"

"Hey, I'm always ready."

"How about you Johnny?"

"This is no big thing. Can't believe we're actually going to leave now. It's been cool here."

"Back to the good ol' US of A." Lui commented. His thoughts seemed to be elsewhere.

"You should go pack your stuff Lui." Kyle told him.

Lui looked around, and put his hands behind his head, "I wish it were that simple."

As he walked away, Kyle looked at Johnny, "What was that?"

"I don't know. I think he's been spending too much time with Alucard or something. Come on s- Kyle, let's go see if there is anything we still need to do."

Lui sat in his room, making one last song. One last song before the next day. The next day...

The pain, the laughter, the smiles, the happiness of the last days, weeks, months, however long they had been there, played themselves over in his mind. It had been fun. And oh the irony of his current situation wasn't lost upon him. He laughed and started writing again. It was going to be a night to remember.


	20. Grande Finale Part 4 End

1Chapter Twenty: Grand Finale' Part 4 (Concert)

"Hey James!"

The teenager turned to the girl who was running up to him, and asked, "What is it?"

"There's a new band doing show tonight. Wanna come?"

"New band?"

"Vampires of Hellsing."

"Hellsing? Isn't that supposed to be a terrorist group or something?"

The girl started tapping her foot impatiently, "No, that's not what it's supposed to be. Just what it is. Hellsing is supposed to be an underground group of vampire hunters that use vampires to hunt their own kind."

"You believe everything you read don't you?"

"No! One of my friends knows a girl who knows a guy whose cousin was attacked by vampires!"

"Uh huh. What type of music is it?"

"It said rock/metal on the flyer. Come on, let's go, just to check it out."

"Alright. Who knows, they may actually be good."

A few blocks down the street a group of gothic people were gathered around a flyer that had been posted up.

"Vampires of Hellsing?"

"Another bunch of idiots trying to put on an act. They probably don't even know what a familiar is."

"Ever the doubtful one."

"I like to think of myself as a logical optimist."

"That's a fancier way of saying pessimist my friend."

"I say we go just to see what it's like."

"Why not? Not much else to do."

That was the general feeling of much of the teenage population. Why not?

So, promptly at eight o' clock, they began to filter into the place designated. It was an old style opera house. Most of them hadn't even seen the inside, much less actually been. This was a pretty high class place.

Well, it would have been. But there was a lot of black on the walls. And there seemed to be a whispering that no one could figure out.

EARLIER

Lui walked around on the stage, and whistled, "Integra, you spared no expense."

"Hey, I got to shoot Maxwell, and you ran Iscariot out of England. It's the least I could do." Integra told him.

Lui nodded as some soldiers started setting up the equipment. Integra walked away, to go and attend to some business.

"Lui?"

"Hey Seras. What is it?"

"I... nevermind."

Lui glanced back at her. She looked fine, but he could sense something in her. He didn't want to press the issue. He had a lot on his mind already.

"So, do you think we're ready?" He asked, braking the tension that had been building.

"I don't know. I'm the weak link in this."

"Ah, no your not. Quite honestly if we could have put pictures of the bands on the flyers most people would show up just to see you. I know I would."

"I wish you would stop that."

"Just telling the truth."

"Yo! Vampire! Where do you want this stuff."

Lui sighed and walked over to help the humans set up. This was going to be a long day. Not only was he up in the afternoon with the rest of the vampires, he was having to baby sit soldiers. Great.

Seras bit her bottom lip. She had better think of something to say to him soon.

PRESENT

Some of the people had been waiting for half an hour. Others as much as a whole one. They were beginning to get impatient. Ya, the flyer said they would start at nine, but come on. The place was almost full already. And they were all wondering why there were soldiers filling up the front rows.

Then suddenly they heard laughing. Deep, demonic, insane. It was around them, weaving between the people, echoing off the walls. The lights suddenly went completely dark, and they heard the doors slam shut. Then it was deathly silent. No one even breathed.

A roar filled the room, and they felt energy wash over them. Ancient, powerful. Like an electric current.

"Welcome mortals."

The stage was occupied suddenly. One person, a man in a black coat and clothes, and black sunglasses. He stood, hands behind his back, smirking at them.

"You have entered our domain of your own will. We did not force you in any way. The choice," He said, holding up a finger, as a drum began to play in the back ground, "The choice between life and death. Enjoy my friends. It may be your last night on Earth."

The lights went off again, but they still heard the pulsing beat of a drum. It sounded familiar. Almost like...

A heartbeat.

The lights faded in on the stage slowly, a mist covering the floor. First the drummer. Then a women (Wow, this trip suddenly seems so worth it), who started playing a base. Then the man who had talked to them, and another one slightly shorter. The began to play their own small rhythm.

They all had on the same thing. Long black coat, black pants (Except for Seras who had a skirt and really long boots), and black shirts. Oh, and sunglasses.

Then the laughter from before returned. In a blink of an eye, a fifth and final figure appeared. He had long black hair, a black suit, boots, and a crimson coat and hat. His eyes were hidden behind yellow-orange sunglasses.

He was laughing like a lunatic.

Then the song began.

"You are in my world now, little ones. And you walked into it willingly. Delicious. Let's begin."

"We feel the blood in your vein,

Each pulse calling us by name,

To us the hunt is just a game,

To you I doubt it's the same.

You've stumbled now mortal,

Your life now counts for nill,

Beware of the monsters in the night,

Waiting, waiting for the kill."

The red vampire stopped to let one of the guitar players to go into a short solo. It was deep and throbbing, like panic in your ears.

"You are chased now children,

By monsters you can't even see,

Would you like a head start?

Come on, we'll count to three.

Run, run from the night.

Hide in the light.

But you are never out of our sight,

Never safe from our might."

"The beating in your throat,

So strong and sweet,

have you ever tasted living blood?

It's really quite a treat.

Cornered now, no where to run,

For us it's the start of the fun,

The blood flowing down our throats,

Far from the burning sun."

The other guitarist did a solo this time, faster, higher pitched. Thrilling. The thrill of the kill.

"Then I arrive to help,

Killing the trash that haunts you,

Now your life is in my hands,

And I ask for your view."

Every vampire sang the chorus.

"The choice is simple,

Death or life,

Walk the night as one of us,

Or suffer death by the knife.

Join us in the shadows,

Wander for all time,

Until the end of all,

When death's bells start to chime.

Or lay there and die."

The crowd was pretty into it by now, those who weren't scared stiff. As the two guitars went into a sort of 'double solo', they started moving with the beat.

Then suddenly the instruments let their final note ring out, and Alucard sang,

"That is now your choice,

Now chose and make it quick,

I have been thirsty so very long,

Waiting nearly makes me sick.

I'll kill you either way,

Join me or not.

Sorry if that's not what you want,

But those are the choices you've got.

Now then, your decision.

You have to make it now.

I'll respect your choice I swear,

This is my vow."

They started playing the main riff one last time, and sang the chorus,

"The choice is simple,

Death or life,

Walk the night as one of us,

Or suffer death by the knife.

Do you want to join us in the shadows?

Wander for the rest of time?

It's not all that you think,

Until those bells start to chime..."

Then with a final flourish the song ended. The crowd was roaring. Those who hadn't left in sheer terror.

Then one of the guitarist sang and the drums rang out.

"Some kind of eminence,

Some kind of reason,

Why I can't find a way,

To be in my light."

Then the red clad one began to roar in the metal voice words they couldn't understand. Then suddenly every vampire started to sing,

"Sun doesn't rise at all!

Who knows how far, I fall.

Sun doesn't rise at all,

who knows how far I fall."

(This song is Sun Doesn't Rise by Mushroomhead. Not owned or written by me. There, I gave a disclaimer for it, so it should be alright to post the lyrics)

After this song, the guitarist that wasn't singing said, "That's got to be like the vampire national anthem."

"Very true, very true." The drummer commented.

A deep guitar/drum/bass rift rang out, then the red clad vampire began to sing.

"And I wonder,

Day to day,

I don't like you,

Anyway..."

(Whatever, Godsmack. Cause there vampires, and they're like, whatever mortals do what you want just go away and leave us alone.)

Then the guitarist started doing a weird noise, until the drums kicked in. Then the main riff came in, simple but throbbing. Again, one of the guitarist sang.

"I... Won't go away...

Right, right here I stay..."

Then another rift of the guitars. After some more singing, the red clad vampire sang.

"Shoot me again, I ain't dead yet!"

"Come on shoot me again I ain't dead yet."

"Come on shoot me again I ain't dead yet!"

"Come on shoot me again I ain't dead, yet!"

"Come on, shoot me again, shoot me again, shoot me, shoot me again, shoot me again, come on, shoot me again, shoot me again, shoot me, shoot me again, shoot me again, come on!"

(Shoot Me Again, by Metallica. Not by me. Borrowing it)

Then this song was finished. The drummer thought about it a moment, "Shoot me again, that sound's like something you would say Alucard."

Then after some real alien sounding guitar work, they went right into another song. (Not even going to try the lyrics for this one. Dragula by Rob Zombie.)

Some weird stuff started to happen at that point. As the four people started playing their instruments, the one in red began to do something very odd.

It seemed that his body was melting, reforming, changing. But it seemed so odd they couldn't actually see it. Finally it looked like he had become a writhing mass of shadows. Then they watched in horror as he turned into a swarm of bats, reformed himself, and began to sing.

"Something takes a part of me,

Something lost and never seen,

Every time I start to believe..."

(Freak on a Leash, Korn. Again, not my song. So far only the first one has been mine.)

Then a sound like a breeze filled the room. A whisper, soft and deadly asked, "What do you see when your in the dark? When the demons come for you?"

(Releasing the Demons, Godsmack.)

The red clad vampire laughed. That laugh was haunting and invigorating. Frightening and soothing.

"Well now, we've wasted away almost and entire night without introductions!" The red clad one told them, and began motioning.

"My old friends Kyle, Luis, and Johnny. All the way from America. And of course, I couldn't forget my own daughter of the night Seras."

In the audience, a girl nudged the boy beside her. He seemed like the type of person who would know, "What does 'daughter of the night' mean?"

He bent down and explained, "That's what it's called when a vampire makes a new one. Son of the night, daughter of the night."

"What do you think he means by that she's his daughter of the night then?"

"A part of the act. Maybe he recruited her. Quiet, he's talking again."

"And I am Vladimir Tepes. Perhaps you know me better as Vlad the Impaler. That's who I was. Now I am Vladimir, the No-Life king, bound to humans by their blood, the one who impales his enemies, maybe you know me as Count Dracula."

A hush fell over the crowd, seemingly involuntarily.

"But you may call me Alucard."

The guitars broke the silent hush. The crowd gasped simultaneously, as if they had been under a spell. Which they had.

After that song ended, the drummer emmediatly went into a pounding rhythm. After the other instruments joined in and some whispering, one of the guitarist yelled out.

"Wha-ah-ah-ah-ah!"

Then again a few seconds later "Wha-ah-ah-ah-ah!"

After that, the red clad vampire began to sing,

"Drowning deep in my sea of loathing,

Broken your servant, I kneel... will you give it to me?

It seems what's left of my human side,

Is slowly changing, in me... will you give it to me?

Looking at my own reflection,

When suddenly it changes!

Violently it changes!

Oh no, there is no turning back, now you've woken up the demon,

In me!"

(Get Down with the Sickness, Disturbed. Minus the part where he talks about his mom, that's just weird.)

The woman, bassist, said, "That sounds familiar. Reminds me of when you fought Incognito Alucard."

Strange noises, almost like moaning, a voice that didn't match any of the ones that had been heard before began to talk. Guitars also started roaring.

"Few creatures of the night have captured our imaginations like vampires. What explains our enduring fascination with vampires? What is it about the vampire myth that explains our interest? Is it the overtones of sexual lust, power, and control? Or is it our fascination with the immortality of the undead?..."

(Vampires, by Godsmack. Hmmm, let's see, why would they play this song? I wonder...)

The guitars made the intro, then went into the riff. Alucard sang.

"Wish I may,

Wish I might,

Have this wish I wish tonight,

Are you satisfied?"

"Dig for golf, dig for fame,

Dig to make your name,

Are you pacified?"

(King Nothing, Metallica. Seemed appropriate, considering it sort of shows how pointless our feeble kingdoms would be to a vampire)

After that song ended, one of the guitarist walked up saying, "So, have you had a good time tonight?"

The crowd roared back a yes.

"Great, great. Look, believe me, we could go all night, but I'm afraid we have to clean this place up before tomorrow, so be sure to careful on your way home. Can I get a big hand for the armed forces that protect you guys? Ya, some of them are down here in front."

Another round of clapping, then the guitarist said, "Alright, see you guys around. There are promo cds by the door, grab one on your way out. Songs by us and our versions of others. Pretty cool. Some stuff you heard, other stuff you didn't, so be sure to check it out. Oh, and all you soldier guys, stick around for a bit."

It took the better part of half an hour to clear the place out of teenagers. After that, it was just the vampires, and the soldiers from Hellsing.

Lui walked up and began to address them, "Alright, let's get down to business. Most of your bets with me have been settled, except for the biggest one. Who won the undead prank war?"

Mutters of agreement were heard.

"Well, it's been an exciting expanse of time, I can tell you. And now it's over. And by unanimous decision, it was a tie so none of you win and I keep all the money bye!"

Lui ran away, laughing, followed quickly by Kyle and Johnny. The soldiers figured out what he had said a few seconds later, and began to chase them, screaming about how they wanted their money back.

Seras and Alucard watched as the chase moved by them.

"Well, that was fun."

Lui jumped onto a motorcycle that was parked out back, soon followed by Kyle and Johnny. Together they sped off down the alley, and turned down the street.

"Hahahahaha, British people are so gullible."

"And that my friends is why we won the Revolution!"

"AMERICA ALL THE WAY BABY!"

Then Lui began to slow down a little. Kyle came up beside him, "What is it?"

"You two go on. I'll catch up. Go on, I'll see you at home."

"Alright, don't wait too long. Those guys are going to kill you."

"I just have to go take care of one more thing."

"See ya later man. Come on Johnny, I'll race you to the airport!"

(Camera starts to pan out as Lui separates from the others. He laughs, does a wheelie, and speeds down the street. Credits start to roll, as Sun Doesn't Rise starts to play.)

Alright guys, that's it. That's the end. It's done, finished, no more, no less, and I am done writing it. Hope you had as much fun reading it as I did making it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or any of the songs listed here, except for that one. Only Johnny, Lui, Kyle, and Sara are mine.

See ya.


	21. Gotcha, this is the Real End

1Chapter Twenty One: Blackjack

Seras sighed and eased the coat off her shoulders. How Alucard could wear something like that all the time baffled her to no end. She sat down on her coffin, thinking.

They had made quite an exit. Every soldier in Hellsing was now swearing that they were going to invade American and win it this time. She never quite got the figure on how much money Lui had stolen, but it had been a lot.

"Bloody yank..." She muttered, almost affectionately. Then she looked up at the table, and her eyes widened suddenly.

A rose?

She picked it up and then saw the piece of paper beside it. It was a message, written in pencil and had lots of eraser marks on it.

"A rose for the vampire,

Who reluctantly walks the night,

Doing her duty without question,

Though she'd much rather be in the light."

"To the one who walks the dark,

Sleeping among the rock and stone,

Just remember this dear one,

You'll never be alone."

"This is my one shot,

My one try to win your heart,

I know it's late, but here me out,

Because you've had mine since the start."

"My confession to you,

little shadow dove,

A confession only for you,

Know you have my love."

"You don't have to answer now,

I'll wait till your ready to say,

If you love me back,

Or you want me to stay away."

"Don't worry about me,

I've been through an awful lot,

If you say no I'll keep going still,

Whether you're beside me or not."

" So this is a flower for the person,

Who has my heart and all it's woes,

Hope you like my parting gift,

My beautiful blood rose."

Seras stared at it for a long time, stunned. She didn't need anything to tell her who had left this for her. She could easily see Lui in some corner writing this without trying. She may have seen him doing it and not realized it.

She sat down in her chair. She felt a smile crossing her lips. He was a childish, immature, carefree idiot. Or was he? She had seen him in battle, seen him angry, worried, happy, scared. She had been inside of his mind, though a brief time it was. And deep down, she knew she felt the same way.

"Bloody yank..."

"Is that a yes?"

She whirled, and saw him leaning up against the wall, smiling. She stomped over to him, angry he had tricked her into thinking he had left. He caught the first punch, then the second punch, and deflected her kick.

He held her fist in his hands with an grip of tempered steel. And he hadn't stopped smiling yet.

"So, what do you do I if in reality I actually hate you?" She asked, trying to sound angry but only partially succeeding.

He shrugged, "I sigh, walk away, no hard feelings, and take up a chivalrous habit like sending you a dozen white roses on your birthday."

"And if I do love you?"

He bent down, and gently kissed her, "That was a stupid question Seras."

Lui let her arms go, and embraced her. She embraced him back. Then he began to chuckle.

She took a step back out of his embrace, and asked, "What is it?"

"I fight in the Revolution and now I fall in love with a brit. Can't tell me there's no irony in that."

She began to chuckle to. She walked over and sat down on the coffin/bed, he sat down in the chair.

"So what do we do now Lui?"

"I don't know. Kyle and Johnny are probably freaking out that I'm not at the airport yet. I have to go soon."

"I know." Seras said softly, nodding.

"Technically, I wasn't trying to trick you. My original plan was in fact to leave and come back later. Sadly, some soldiers you know came back a little early," He held up one side of his black coat, revealing half a dozen bullet holes, "And now I'm waiting for them to give up looking for me."

Seras laughed at that one. She wasn't sure if he was being serious about being trapped or being funny. And she didn't care.

"Anyway, I have to go, now. It'll be a close enough call as it is. Not every day you can convince someone to transport a body over the ocean."

Seras nodded, and felt tears begin to form. She tried to fight them, but one slipped down her face. He emmediatly jumped up and wiped it away. He held her to him, saying, "Don't cry. Please."

"When will I see you again?"

"Soon. Very soon. Sooner than you think. Besides, it's not like we're pressed for time. We certainly aren't going to just keel over and die any time soon, so cheer up. Goodbye for now."

He got up, and walked over to the wall. He stopped, and said, "Oh, and keep and eye on Integra and Alucard. Don't be surprised if old ice queen Hellsing starts putting on some weight over the next months."

Seras looked at him, sadness forgotten. What did he mean, "Why?"

"You're Alucard's daughter of the night. You may have a sibling in a few months."

"You mean, Alucard and Integra?"

Lui nodded, "I'm not the only one who's been lucky in love. Until next time."

THREE WEEKS LATER

"Sir Integra, there's something you should see."

The platinum blond haired night looked down at Walter from the top of the stairs, then followed him to the library.

He led her to a computer. It was the only light source on in the library. She looked down at the video that was playing, and stared at it, stunned.

"Walter, is this what I think it is?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is. This is the video taken during our little 'prank war'."

"How long has it been on the net?"

"I can't say for sure. I would say about twenty four hours."

"I don't have to ask who is responsible for it do I?"

"Only if you wish to be redundant."

Then after a drawn out segment of the vampire concert, the film went blank. Then a light tune started to play.

Suddenly Alucard appeared on the screen, dressed in the pink and purple tie dye clothes. He was dancing and singing, as yellow and pink kaleidoscope pattern went on in the back ground. And he was singing, none other than that song from the deepest pits, "Barbie Girl."

(Just let that image sink in. Alucard in pink and purple swirl clothing, dancing and singing 'Barbie Girl'. Ya, when you get up off the floor keep reading)

Integra and Walter nearly fell to the ground they were laughing so hard. They didn't know how they had done it, and they didn't care. That was funny.

After it ended, Lui's face appeared, laughing, "Alright, that's it. Our trip to England. I never did get to throw food at the Queen's house, but you can't have everything. And Integra, I know you're watching Integra, don't bother trying to keep this off the net. I don't care how good you are, I'm better. And be sure to show this to Seras. Thanks."

Then the film ended. Walter regained his composure and said, "So Sir Integra, should we contact information control?"

"No Walter, don't bother. Who would believe that these were vampires anyway? Oh, and do save this onto a disk. I want to treasure that image of Alucard forever."

"Of course. I must say, Lui has begun to rub off on me. Would you be opposed to it if I sold copies of this to the men?"

"Only if I get half."

"Deal."

END FOR REAL THIS TIME.

UNTIL THE SEQUEL ANYWAY!

Alright, thank you all who supported me while I wrote this. You thought it was really over there for a bit didn't you?

Hardly.

And there is going to be a sequel. I simply can't put this story down. This one won't be as funny, more action oriented, some angst, some... everything. Alright, it'll just be a general story.

Professor Curly, saying thank you to all my loyal fans/readers.

Oh, and what was your favorite prank/moment? I'm curious. Please review and tell me!


End file.
